I am ashamed to be a “Star Wars” fan at this moment and time. Why? Because of the fans. Sure, the movie is pretty sucky when you break down the elements, but the fans have made what should have been a forgettable theatrical release in to an all out fiasco. You, the fans, have made life utterly impossible for me and have also made me want to abandon the “Star Wars” franchise altogether, because I’m sick and tired of you. The next person who declares that George Lucas deficated on them, or raped their childhood is going to personally get a fist to the throat. These movies are no big deal, they’re intended for children, Lucas has made no denial about it, and when it comes on DVD, I’m going to be there with my nephew watching it yet again. Seriously, what-were-you-expecting?! If you want the classic “Star Wars” then go watch the original movies, and stop pretending that Lucas is Adolf Hitler for giving us a few bad movies. You Star Wars fan boys just like to bitch, and let’s face it: the primary source of scorn and bile has been from the folks who grew up with the movies, and not the new audience. Lucas is appealing to the collective latter grouping. So what if Anakin and Vader had apprentices before “A New Hope”? Is “The Clone Wars” as bad as people have said? Yes and no.

If that’s not enough, it’s all just one big glorified pilot episode/cash grab for the Cartoon Network series featuring new characters that are now canon for the sole purpose of pandering to the audience. We’re given a flamboyantly homosexual uncle of Jabba the Hutt who speaks English, and our heroes are given the task of rescuing and delivering Jabba’s son. Of course Anakin turned on the Jedi and became Darth Vader; if the most powerful Jedi in the galaxy is given the task of rescuing and delivering a baby Hutt, I’d turn to the darkside, too. This Huttlet plot device is painfully out of place with gags reliant on the baby farting and burping, with that inevitable question on how Hutts breed in the first place. I don’t see a penis anywhere. The animation really needs some oompf and seems to actively work at being unlike a “Star Wars” movie with tones and atmosphere that strive to become its own product and work against the energy. Any of the creativity we saw with the prior films are pretty much non-existent. 

The primary villain here is named General Loathsom (Get it? Loathsome, Loathsom! Brilliance!) who is not much of a replacement for Grievous when all is said and done, but then I doubt Grievous has been introduced yet. Matched with the stock supporting characters and droids, and you have a formula for mediocrity all around. I say if you want an interesting look at The Clone Wars, you’d be better off checking out Gendy Tartakovsky animated mini-series from 2003, because at least the flaws in that one were minimal because it’s only an hour. This film has a lot of own up to and its feature length emphasizes the flaws two fold turning it from a mediocre animated actioner to a pure underwhelming “Star Wars” fodder.