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Every year as
Thanksgiving approaches, Christmas creeps up on me like an unavoidable
dental exam. Before I get a chance to unbuckle my belt after a
satisfying turkey and stuffing feast, I find myself frantically shopping
for a last minute gift or cursing out a set of burnt Christmas lights.
If I had the foresight to pay attention, Christmas movies could provide
me with an early warning system to give me a heads up to the upcoming
festivities. Unfortunately subtlety is usually lost on me.
First Elf sneaks up on me on TBS just after Thanksgiving. A few
weeks later I wake up to find National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation
on one Saturday morning in mid-December. Then…BAM!...I find myself lost
in a 24-hour Christmas Story Marathon on Christmas Eve as I rush
to any open pharmacy or mini-mall to buy my mom some cheap dollar store
perfume. Having just finished watching my first Christmas movie of the
year I resolve to pay attention this time. And I thank my newfound
resolution to comedian Jim Varney from the movie Ernest Saves
Christmas.
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The movie
opens as Ernest navigates his taxi (with little thought of
safety) to drop his terrified passenger at the airport.
After dropping off his fare (who now looks dead), Ernest
picks up none other that Santa Claus who had just finished
going through a pre 9-11 customs. Santa plans to find his
replacement and inadvertently enlists the help of Ernest to
expedite the process.
As far as
Christmas movies go, the story follows the standard formula
pretty good: |
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Christmas character (Rudolph, Grinch, Santa) plus the Problem (Glowing
nose, Christmas blows, Santa replacement) divided by the help of friends
(Fruity dentist elf/Money grubbing Lumberjack, Little Dog/Cindy Lou Who,
Ernest/Slutty Orphan girl) equals a, non-Asian massage, Happy Ending.
Also, despite my resolve
to be annoyed by Ernest, I found the different characters he plays, the
voices and facial expressions he makes and his interactions with others,
for the most part, funny. (For more good, see things to look for.)
Yes, there were
funny parts, and yes, it did follow the Christmas movie formula, but
yes, it was still an Ernest movie. Some of his antics began to wear thin
towards the end of the movie and I found myself feeling as if I was
watching an extra long version of the old Ernest TV show. It even looked
like Ernest was exerting himself more for his longer movie scenes
because throughout much of the film, he was sweating profusely.
I also took exception to
the fact that the elves cast in the movie were really old. There had to
have been small children or younger dwarves/midgets/whatever the right
terminology is, ready and eager to take on the roles. The elves in
Ernest Saves Christmas just looked depressed and creepy and took
away from the ‘magical’ theme of the movie.
The movie was mildly
entertaining and helped pass the time, but could never hold a torch to
the Christmas classics like Elf, and A Christmas Story.
Ernest Saves Christmas is the kind of movie you flip past while
watching TV in a listless daze. You watch for half an hour, laugh a
little, and, when a commercial comes on, you keep flipping.
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Ernest singing ‘Oh
Christmas Tree’ with only the words ‘Oh Christmas Tree’ being sung
over and over…classic.
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I don’t know why I
laughed as much as I did, but when the sleazy talent agent kept
calling Santa, Mr. Santos, I couldn’t help myself…good stuff.
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Santa orchestrating
‘The Twelve Days of Christmas’ while sitting in jail.
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Most Random
Christmas Movie Quote: ‘Nobody moves…nobody dies.’
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