Jason is back.  Did you hear?  Jason Voorhees, the psychotic and strangely resilient killer who made the Friday the 13th film series a favorite among horror fans everywhere, has a new look and a new movie.  Now I've never been part of the "I hate every remake" camp, and typically, I like every horror remake I see, so I was mildly interested in this movie when I heard about it, but of course every other horror fan seemed to be bitching everywhere on the Internet about how filmmakers were going to "ruin" Jason.  What I thought was funny was how as soon as the trailer for this movie leaked onto the Internet, everyone seemed to do an about face because the trailer looked so awesome that suddenly, every fan wanted to give the movie a chance.  I was pumped after watching the trailer myself, so I was really looking forward to this movie.  Did it live up to my expectations?

I have to say that the first half of this movie was really boring, but I'll leave that for the "bitching" section of this review.  After the long prologue, which was basically 20-30 minutes of dumb, boring people who can't act getting killed, the screen went black and the words "Friday the 13th" appeared on the screen, and everyone in the theater cheered.  I think that tells you everything you need to know.  We the fans wanted to see our favorite killer Jason back onscreen, and this movie promised to deliver that, so we were happy.

I just got done complaining that the actors in this movie can't act, but I have to interject here that Jared Padalecki is the obvious exception to this.  I love him in almost anything he's in, and his presence in this movie was a big selling point for me after I saw the trailer. 

Though the movie is a little too dark for my taste, obscuring what could have been some great gore, there is some awesome nudity on display, and the kills here are pretty cool, too.  Jason turns cop killer at one point, and I loved it.  I feel bad for the poor cop, though.  Supposedly the cops know how bad Crystal Lake is, so why would they send only one officer to respond to a 911 call?  Did he draw the short straw or do they just use this method to weed out the annoying employees they don't like?  In further kill news, Jason is a pretty good shot with an arrow, and the stalk-and-slash sequence where he attacks a girl trying to take refuge in the lake by hiding under the dock is worth the price of admission here.  Jason is even embracing the new technology open to him and using floodlights to flush out those pesky victims. 

Another fun reference point came when I got to see a girl impaled on a mounted deer head, which had me cheering "Silent Night Deadly Night!" at the screen.  Yes, I know I need help.  We've established this.  I wasn't the only one yelling, either, the entire audience got into this movie, with people saying "What the hell is she doing?" when a character would intelligently run up the stairs while trying to escape Jason.  It was one of those fun movie experiences where we all got in on the action, and even non-horror fans were converted for an hour and a half while we all had a blast together.  The climax was a fun time for me, as I enjoyed the nod to Friday the 13th part 2, and the final scene provided exactly the closure I needed and expected from a Jason movie.  All in all, there were quite a few missteps, but I rocked out and had a great time, which I can do with even the worst Jason movies, so I left happy.

I might have left happy, but in the beginning, I doubted that would ever happen, and to be honest with you, I almost walked out twice.  First of all, after an AWESOME opening credits sequence, I was hooked, and then the stupid 30 minute prologue came along and I wished Jason would step out of the screen and kill me so I didn't have to watch the rest of the movie.  I enjoy watching hapless losers run around in the woods getting killed, but these characters were so unlikable that I couldn't muster enough give a crap to keep my eyes on the screen half the time.  I found my mind wandering and wondering such important questions as "Why do they keep trying to save their dead friends when they find the bodies?  Dude, I know you watch a lot of 'House,' but that doesn't qualify you to save someone who has a machete stuck in his chest."

Lucky for me, the prologue was over after 30 minutes.  Unluckily, most of the rest of the characters are just as bad.  Their acting skills may be better, but they're still stupid, pointless, unlikable characters.  The cops in this movie are horrible.  How in the name of fuck isn't there any evidence of the brutal murders we saw in the prologue?  Dude, there was blood all over that campsite.  I watch CSI, I know better than this.  Come on.  If even the characters in the rest of the movie can follow a path and find a broken GPS on the ground, that means the cops didn't even look, and for a movie that's trying to update the Jason mythos and make it somewhat more realistic, that kind of fail is completely unacceptable.

In further "I hate these characters" news, I almost jumped through the screen and killed the black guy myself.  I know the filmmakers think they're cool because they have their token black character strutting around talking about how he's black, and I know they're thinking that they're winking at the audience and we're all in on the joke, but I don't think they get it.  The audience isn't winking back, we're punching you in the face.  When your token black guy says that he likes the band Greenday, so don't "put him in a box," I almost vomited.  That kind of "Dr. Phil" speak isn't cool.  It's dated.  Yes, I said "dated."  That's right, someday we're going to be watching this movie and laughing at it just as badly as we laugh at the dated things that happen in the Friday the 13ths from the 80s.  You're not doing anything groundbreaking trying to be all self-aware, so please stop.  I can make pop culture references too, I did it in this review, talking about the show "House" and the show "CSI."  It doesn't make me any cooler, either.

Yeah, it's annoying.  Don't develop temporary amnesia and pretend that the original Friday the 13th movies were any different.  They were annoying, gory fun, and that's why we loved them.  This movie continues that proud tradition.  Go watch it and have a good time.  I know I did.