Aside from our upcoming piece about "The
Passion of the Christ," I imagine this will be the most volatile bit
of writing on the site in a while and I can see why. These are ten
"actors" who have achieved incredible success in Hollywood, immense
critical acclaim to some degree and yet we'd be much happier if they
disappeared from filmmaking altogether and never starred in a movie
ever again. From the grating, the obnoxious and the outright absurd,
here are ten people with enormous amount of fame they really
shouldn't have at all. We were going to include Jessica Alba and
Megan Fox to the fold, but that'd be as easy as pushing an amputee
down the stairs. We expect no end of scrutiny and we welcome it.
|
|
 |
Brendan Fraser
Which role from
Fraser are you most fond of? The spastic screeching punk
rocker in "Airheads"? The spastic screeching Tarzan in
"George of the Jungle"? The spastic screeching mountie in
"Dudley Do Right"? The spastic screeching adventurer in "The
Mummy"? Or the spastic screeching caveman in "Encino Man"?
Hey we definitely understand the appeal of Fraser since the
man has a lot of charisma that wins people over time and
time again not to mention most of us grew up with Fraser
when he debuted on film in the nineties, but all nostalgia
aside, Fraser can't act a lick and he's yet to provide a
role that breaks his comfort zone which is ultimately his
shtick as a spastic screeching character in almost every
single performance he's ever given. Even in the likes of
indie fare like "The Passion of Darkly Noon" that required
he play something of a psycho, he was still screeching
spastic Fraser. In a deal of what we can only assume
involved animal sacrifice and the maiming of a virgin,
Fraser has continued to garner an immense career for doing
little else but grinning like a buffoon, displaying zero
comedic prowess, and basically phoning it in, in junk like
"Furry Vengeance." When your most recent public moments
involving clapping your hands and laughing like a moron at
horrific jokes by DeNiro at an Award's show, it's about time
for this man's shocking career to end.
|
|
Milla
Jovovich
Riding on the wings of
shocking luck, a bit part in an abysmal science fiction
film, and pure utter nepotism, Milla Jovovich is the
androgynous female star whose managed to win the hearts
of fanboys everywhere for displaying little to no sex
appeal, talent, or individual personality traits at all.
Even in garbage indie fare like "45" where the woman has
had the ability to show off her acting skills, she's
bombed out big time and has now been doing nothing but
starring in box office blockbuster vehicles "Resident
Evil" which immensely deviated from the actual
storylines of the game for the purposes of allowing
Jovovich a podium to display her skills to mug for the
camera and screech one-liners that are flatter than her
bust. Not surprisingly her husband Paul WS Anderson has
managed to direct the "Resident Evil" films and has
based the entire storyline around her character giving
supporting roles to more important characters of the
series. The storyline has been a basic reflection of the
director's feelings of her turning her from a secret
agent in to a bonafide sci-fi goddess who is invincible,
invulnerable, and able to have whatever power the
storyline will concoct. And the woman continues grabbing
work in spite of the fact she is as shrill as teeth
grinding and as one-dimensional as a sheet of paper. We
just hope the "Resident Evil" movies end so she can go
back to making experimental music no one will even care
about listening to. Except for her husband, of course.
|
 |
|
 |
Scout
Taylor Compton
Like every other little tart
out there, Scout continues to grow a fanbase around a
career that has inexplicably blossomed in to cult
status. This a girl who has starred in literally
everything under the sun and now that she's reaching her
momentum is holding out on a new "Halloween" movie if
the script isn't good. Did you read that? This girl who
holds no actual talent or range or depth is holding out
on a slasher movie (!) if the script isn't good enough.
"Halloween" is a franchise that went from a genuinely
excellent little suspense story about the shape, a
merciless monster hiding in a shadows in to an utterly
abysmal hack and slash genre twinkie factory that doles
out the humdrum thrills for an audience who doesn't even
mind that Michael--once the epitome of evil--is now just
another masked slasher thanks to Rob Zombie. |
Scout Taylor Compton has
nothing unique about her and has played to the crowds of
internet goons since her breakout role in Zombieween
masking the fact that she's shrill, obnoxious,
one-dimensional and potentially void of starring in an
actual good movie any time soon. Compton continues
riding on the coat tails of other bigger better stars
and seems doomed to being nothing more than a second
banana known for starring in two god awful remakes, and
B grade horror flicks, and yet she's still maintaining a
solid film career popping up in the most recent "The
Runaways" in 2010. There's something to be said for a
good agent and mediocre looks. If she's the next
generation of scream queens, begin building that time
machine and send me back to the eighties, please.
|
|
Kristen Stewart
Hey I'm always a
big fan of the "I Hate Twilight" band wagon. They're the
remaining people in the world who have yet to fall under
the spell of Stephanie Meyer's tame quasi-horror romance
that's really just Mormon propaganda underneath the
hokum, but I've never seen where Stewart could possibly
go after "Panic Room." Shifting from gawkish to mildly
sexually appealing Stewart has always straddled the line
of mainstream tool and indie darling with less than
amusing roles in the likes of "In to the Wild" and "Adventureland"
while revealing her inherent lack of real skill or
talent in the "Twilight" movies where she's made a
killing out of running around looking desponded and
reacting to two metrosexual young men fighting for her
love. Stewart has fully embraced her role as a tween
queen and has prevented herself from being a full on
Tiger Beat icon by secretly bashing the Twilight series
and its fans in the distance explaining how the frantic
love for her and the series has been ridiculous. We're
not buying it. Stewart is that one actress in Hollywood
who will assuredly ride on her fame as a "Twilight"
heroine for as long as possible while starring as the
morose teen we've seen her portray a thousand times over
until she's nothing more than a Johnny Depp wannabe,
hiding out in the background and pretending to be punk
rock when she's really anything but. Lacking any
discernable talent or sexual charisma, Stewart is
another story of fame that's undeserved and (based on
her attitude) unwanted.
|
 |
|
 |
Katherine Heigl
When she was on
"Roswell" she gave the cast and crew no end of
difficulty and complained she didn't even want to be on
the show. When was on "Knocked Up" she complained about
the movie and criticized the story insisting it was
sexist. When she was on "Grey's Anatomy" was also
something of a prima donna bashing the cast and crew and
dropped out of the series early. And this wouldn't be
surprising if this were an amazing actress because nine
times out of ten if there's an incredible actor, the
odds are they're prima donnas. But Heigl is not a good
actress. All bias' aside this woman acts as if she's too
cool for school bashing nearly every production she's
been in and yet is never opposed to starring in a
horrific romance comedy to collect a check. Heigl has no
discernable talents except for looking good and even in
that department she's falling short of that as she ages,
and younger better actresses continue appearing in
Hollywood every years who possess actual skill in front
of the camera. Heigl's attitude toward Hollywood has
made her one of the most unlikable (and disliked) people
in the business and she's managed to alienate her small
fanbase and just about everyone else by biting the hand
that feeds her, which is not much of a loss because
Heigl simply has no talents to speak of. In all of her
past projects she was the least talked about element and
she's continued on her reign of destruction starring in
mediocre to abysmal comedies where she displays zero
skill and garners an easy paycheck and continues acting
as if she's this generation's Bette Davis. |
How Do You Keep Getting Work?!
Part Two >>
|
