The Jester
(Puppet Master Series)

As a person who grew up watching the Charles Band horror franchise "Puppet Master" about the magical serum that can animate an array of marionettes who also happen to be extremely deadly and merciless murderers, I've always found the Jester to be the best character. He isn't strong with huge fists like pinhead, he doesn't have a drill on his head, he can't spit out leeches, or start fires, but he is one of the most devious of the bunch, the slimy sneaky one of the group whose expressions can dictate and react to what's occurring at the moment with his posse and he take great joy in pain. When he's very mad, his face shifts and spins making the demonic expression, when he's devious he makes a sneer, and when he's upset he puts a depressed glower that makes it clear to the audience that he's reacting as the puppets do since many of them are limited in their own body language and facial structure. He's the most emotional and dramatic of the group, thus he's my favorite.
 

Dressed like a court jester and donning his small blade and a sceptor he occasionally uses as a blunt instrument, he makes a point of sneaking around and playing ninja popping up in corners to swipe at the heads and feet of his victims and manages to survive through most of the "Puppet Master" series. If the rumored big budget reboot goes as planned someday, I truly hope this little monster makes it to see mainstream crowds and win over the nightmares of youngsters around America. While many will choose the gun slinger or Blade, my loyalties lie with Jester, because if I were to own an actual demonic marionette to do my bidding, I'd love to have this little guy around to do my work for me. But then that's just me, I don't think about these things. Much.

Movie Notes:
The Jester's real name is Hans Seiderman, a prankster killed by the Nazi's during World War II.

Chip Hazard
(Small Soldiers)

With kids films you could never win in the nineties. If they toned down the villains for these movies, they were deemed much too saccharine and if the villains were too menacing, the movies were criticized for being too scary for the kids by movie critics. I can still remember Siskel and Ebert bashing "Hocus Pocus" for the witches being too creepy for kids, and believe it or not, kids were not all that creeped out by them. Then there came along "Small Soldiers" by Joe Dante, a movie that's admittedly not a masterpiece but was still an entertaining thriller adventure film about dangerous psychotic toys that become lethal thanks to super powered military chips. Hey, it's fiction don't over think things. As usual, critics bashed "Small Soldiers" for being much too violently themed and as a hardcore horror buff I found Chip Hazard and his crew to be the appropriate amount of violent and lethal.
 

Chip, as voiced by Tommy Lee Jones, was an all around violent and hardcore military action figure who took his job very seriously, and any threat around him had to be extinguished no matter what. Even if it meant mutilating barbie dolls to do his bidding, and enlisting the likes of flame throwers, nail guns, and flaming tennis balls to maim and destroy our human protagonists. With much more dread and blood splatter, "Small Soldiers" would have been a very good modern take on "Puppet Master" doing out with the serum animating marionettes and relying on modern tech to bring alive evil. But for what it is, "Small Soldiers" is passable kiddie fare with considerably entertaining adult type humor, sexual entendres, and villains we actually feel threatened by. How can you not be intimidated by Chip when he mutters "You've got a lot of guts. Let's see what they look like," and "Are you scared? We're all scared. You'd have to be crazy not to be scared"? Chip felt like a horror character injected in to a kid film, and he made for a genuinely terrifying antagonist for a concept that was never developed in to a series, a toy line, and a franchise as they seemed to want it to be. But Chip lives on and could probably kick Chucky's ass if he wanted.

Movie Notes:
When the psycho dolls attack Kirsten Dunst you can hear "Communication Breakdown" playing in the background. Zeppelin rules.

Buzz Lightyear
(Toy Story Series)

Like pretty much every character in "Toy Story," Buzz Lightyear is a symbol for Andy's childhood. Where as his original memento from his childhood is Woody, his newest toy is Buzz Lightyear. It's sleek, it's new, and it makes noise signaling the blossoming adolescence of a young boy who goes from the bare essential to requiring much more stimulation and entertainment hence why Woody is so threatened by Buzz. Because what's old is always forgotten with children. Buzz Lightyear however is the braggart you can't help but love. Much like Woody his purpose is made clear and he has someone he is destined to forever entertain, but like Woody, his time is running out the minute Andy's mom takes him out of the box for Andy's birthday.
 

Blade
(Puppet Master Series)

Arguably the most popular puppet in the puppet people pack, Blade is the bonafide leader of the puppet master group, the posse alpha male, the one who holds the answers and the weapons that can maim, destroy and mutilate. Even in a group including a strong man, a driller, and a six shooter, Blade continues to be the most popular puppet in the posse. And who can blame the love? Blade has this incredible facial structure that straddles the line between human and death with a pale white texture and thick lips with black eyes that look deep in to nothingness signaling a void that ensures his mission is to kill. Match that with his cool black hat and trench coat combo and you have a surefire iconic mascot for a terribly underrated and obscure horror franchise. And there's also the fact that he has a knife as one hand and a razor sharp hook as the other that guarantees he's a force to be reckoned with time and time again. Growing up and loving the movie series, he and the Jester were always my favorite, because he simply always found a way to outlive his compadres and they seemed to follow him around wherever he went regardless of what he did. Even in the face of lame sleeker puppets like Torch and the monster thing with the giant teeth, Blade is still the coolest most eye catching character in the group and the mythos. Should a reboot occur, I don't see anyone more deserving of re-appearing than Blade... maybe The Jester.

Movie Notes:
Was there ever really a point to Blade's bullet eyes? I could never figure out what their purpose were beyond adding some motion to Blade's face.

The Zuni Fetish Doll
(Trilogy of Terror)

Admittedly I only saw "Trilogy of Terror" a year ago. Before then I'd only heard about the film from everyone who claimed that the best part of the entire movie involves Karen Black battling with the dreaded Zuni Fetish Doll. Though the movie only came out in 1974 the effects and puppetry for the Zuni Fetish Doll is so seamless it'd be almost impossible to duplicate with the same effect if you animated it in CGI today. The Zuni Fetish Doll is the very incarnation of pure utter evil, a mini-warrior with weapons and jagged teeth that also manages to become a double threat thanks to his ability to outwit his victim and bite in to them with his large sharp fangs that can rip and tear. Growling and howling like a demon and scampering about like a ninja, the Zuni Fetish Doll could be a wonderful protector and is sadly a horrifying enemy.
 

Merciless, ruthless, pitiless, sadistic, the Fetish Doll has become an icon for the horror fans across the world who have drawn upon it for inspiration. Watching the movie you can't really notice the flaws or puppetry behind it. Thanks to great editing and wonderful work with technicians, the Zuni Fetish Doll takes on a whole life of his own on-screen and really becomes a force to fear when confronted with it. Admittedly, if I ever came face to face with him, I'd scream like a five year old girl and run as fast as humanly possible. And he'd still eat me alive.

Movie Notes:
Allegedly the Zuni Fetish Doll was the inspiration for Chucky in "Child's Play," but my money would be on the Zuni Fetish Doll in a knife fight and battle of wits between the duo.