|
It was a lackluster year for the movies. The bad
movies were just slightly abysmal, while the good movies failed to be great
movies. We couldn't find a single amazing movie out of the bunch in 2011, but we
came close to finding ten really good movies, and ten really bad movies for the
year. 2011 was just a lull for everything in pop culture and the media and you'd
be hard pressed to find something excellent that stood out among the rest of the
muck. 2011 had a varied year of films, but while we did find more than enough
great movies to fill our top 10 we didn't find a masterpiece until the end of
the year, and even then we're having a hard time using the M word. Nevertheless
2011 was a year for new experiences, unique films, and most importantly
underdogs. The best films flopped and the worst films excelled at the box
office. There were surprises, some neat twists and of course the box office was
at its all time lowest. While Congress is working on that censorship thing with
SOPA, we appreciate our time delivering these top ten lists for our readers.
Sure they may not be the most agreeable lists on
the site, but they arouse conversation and we love to debate with our audience.
What with the increasing demand from the indie world we weren't able to cover
all of the year's films, but we tried to tackle all of our most promising and we
compiled lists of 10 great films, and 10 really bad ones. And for the first time
ever we compiled five indie films you should look out for. Of course we couldn't
catch many films in time due to our demands on the site (Warhorse, The Girl
With The Dragon Tattoo, Take Shelter, The Artist), but we have a nice little
mélange of 2011's banner films that we felt warranted mentioning. So by all
means indulge in Cinema Crazed's official Top 10 and Worst 10 of the year 2011!
|
|
10. Red State
Directed by Kevin Smith
SModcast Pictures
Religion is bad? Religious fanaticism is bad? Gays are
secretly evil? What is Kevin Smith trying to tell
audiences? Maybe Kevin Smith is making a commentary
about his own fans and how they follow him blindly. Who
knows? Nevertheless, one of the most confused and sloppy
films of the year earned a spot on our list simply for
being faux-indie propaganda from a man whose clearly
displayed his religious beliefs on his sleeve for years.
So the film feels disingenuous. Especially when we're
never sure what his intentions are, or what his final
message is really trying to tell us. There was a lot of
potential with "Red State." |
 |
|
Speaking as an atheist who strictly against the
notion of organized religion I couldn't be more
welcoming of a dissection of the evils of religion.
But when it lacks the teeth that "Red State" does it
fails to inspire my support or any fanfare I can
muster up. "Red State" is faux indie hogwash, a
meshing of conflicting ideas and lack of any real
texture that gives it the illusion that it has
something to say when once the credits have rolled,
it's actually said nothing. It's a waste of time.
Why
We'll Never See This Again:
The ending almost had
balls, but then dropped them at the last moment.
|
|
 |
9. The Thing
Directed by Matthijs van Heijningen Jr.
Universal Pictures
For
people still moaning "It's not a remake, it's a
prequel!" well early reports this year from the
screenwriter of "The Thing" confirms 2011's "The
Thing" was originally a remake but turned in to a
prequel. And you can pretty much sense that it was
going to be a remake of the hallowed John Carpenter
horror classic by the plot that's not only insanely
derivative but lacking in any of the creativity
Carpenter and co. brought to the big screen. "The
Thing" was a mythical horror film, one comprised of
genius and sharp writing while 2011's version is
plainly a premake (prequel/remake) that could very
well be straight to video fodder. |
|
It's not that "The
Thing" is one of the worst movies of 2011, it's
just one of the most ineptly made films that
many assume had potential once. But we disagree.
"The Thing" never had potential. The special
effects are lousy, the characters uninspired and
stock, the premise is paper thin, and the climax
meant to bridge over to the original Carpenter
masterpiece? Haphazardly slapped together and
doesn't even seem to try. No knock on Joel
Edgerton and Mary Elizabeth Winstead, but
they're so much better than this film allows.
Why We'll Never See This Again:
The filling test lacks
the same bam as the blood test. It's also really
stupid.
|
8.
Trespass
Directed by Joel Schumacher
Millennium Entertainment
One of the most
inept thrillers of the year and possibly in
years, "Trespass" is essentially a remake of
the Spanish horror film "Kidnapped." We
can't prove it, but Joel Schumacher cribbed
from the overrated thriller to bring us this
utterly hapless and ridiculous thriller
about a group of masked and armed men who
invade a home that contains millions of
dollars in diamonds. No wait, they're there
to take the family's kidneys because they
need them. No wait, they want to take the
father hostage because he's worth a lot of
money. And the house is in the middle of
nowhere surrounded by woods. If you're worth
a lot of money wouldn't it make more sense
to live around the general population than
close yourself off? |
 |
| And why
do the robbers describe themselves as
police men yet Nic Cage's character
never checks the security monitors to
verify their stories? And if they're so
rich wouldn't it make sense to invest in
a bunker or panic room? Yet another bomb
by Schumacher and Cage, "Trespass" is an
excruciating and derivative attempt at
thrills and chills with utterly
unlikable characters and Nicolas Cage
who continues to garner roles in spite
of his mind-blowing ability to suck the
life out of any film he's in. "Trespass"
deserves much more scrutiny for having
the balls to try to pass itself off as A
grade material, but thankfully it's been
relegated to home video. Where it
belongs.
Why We'll Never See This Again:
Any time Nic Cage is on screen he is a
black hole of suck.
|
|
 |
7. Green Lantern
Directed by Martin Campbell
Warner Bros. Pictures
We
debated with ourselves for a long time on whether or
not to put this on our top 10 worst films of 2011.
Surely there were worst movies out there, but this
year has been more about incompetence than flat out
bad cinema, and "Green Lantern" was the epitome of
incompetently made cinema this year. "Green Lantern"
has potential to be one of the greatest science
fiction epics of all time. It's a concept brimming
with imagination, vast concepts and character
variety. If made with the right people this could
have very well been the surprise hit of the year.
But as it stands it's a half assed, poorly written,
and terribly acted farce. It has no idea what it
wants to be. |
|
It spends needless
time on Earth, it squanders short amounts of
time in space, the characters are hollow and
one-dimensional, the villains are forgettable,
the film is crowded with characters we barely
get to know or empathize with, Blake Lively is
miscast, and Ryan Reynolds plays one of the
biggest douche bags to ever grace the big screen
in years. This Hal Jordan is not a valiant pilot
with heroic possibilities, but a reckless
unlikable son of a bitch who has zero redeeming
qualities to him. At the end of "Green Lantern"
we were left high and dry with a horrible
screenplay, a cheap attempt to begin linking DC
films together, and of course an open ended
climax assuming this is to be a series. We
surely hope not.
Why We'll Never See This Again:
Seriously, Hal Jordan
is a major douche bag.
|
|
6. Drive Angry
Directed by Patrick Lussier
Summit Entertainment
We
love grindhouse films, and we dig hot rodding
movies, but "Drive Angry" is a movie without a
target audience. It's a niche film without a niche
crowd. Who was this film marketed to actually?
Playing off like a cheap sequel to Nic Cage's flop
"Ghost Rider," this retro grindhouse mess is an
unwatchable often unpleasant farce that's too stupid
to take seriously, and too straight faced to laugh
at. The plot goes absolutely nowhere and is nothing
but a rehashed bag of concepts and ideas that amount
to nothing but a bunch of really badly staged chase
scenes and horrible special effects. |
 |
|
And Nic Cage
continues to define himself as one of the worst
actors of all time as he delivers one of the
most horrible and hideous performances for a
hero in a big screen picture in utter years.
There isn't a single likable person in the bunch
and it speeds at infinite levels of pure suck to
become nothing but a rehashed idea that should
have been left on the cutting room floor. And
Amber Heard? If you're planning to break out,
now is the time. Because we're definitely losing
our patience with you, doll face.
Why We'll Never See This Again:
One of the worst
"death" speeches ever delivered. And it was
delivered by Cage, no less! What a shock.
|
|
 |
5. Big Momma's House 3 aka Big Momma's: Life Father,
Like Son
Directed by John Whitesell
Twentieth Century Fox Film Corporation
Martin Lawrence? Eddie Murphy? Tyler Perry? What's
the deal, fellas? Dressing as a woman doesn't
automatically mean comedy. Unless you're five. And
mentally disabled. And what's worse is that in Big
Momma's House 3, the writers make the implication
that Lawrence is passing the torch on to co-star
Brandon T. Jackson. He's yet another of the young
stars who should fire his agent, because he has
potential to break out. And it'd be heartbreaking to
see him reduced to starring in "Big Momma" films
cross dressing and fooling a whole new generation of
uppity white folks who can't tell when a man is
obviously swapping sexes. |
|
Society can't be
this stupid. "Big Momma's" is a shockingly
enduring franchise that fails to deliver a
single laugh and makes no effort to deliver a
believable original premise. So we see these two
men cross dressing an entering a girl's
performing arts school using comedy shticks that
we've seen a thousand times over in better films
like "Some Like It Hot." Martin Lawrence must be
so tired of making films like this. But then
again... what else does he have? Jackson would
be wise to seek out better roles for himself,
because we simply cannot grasp why cross
dressing is still considered a legitimate form
of comedy in modern cinema.
Why We'll Never See This Again:
Martin Lawrence in fat
suit looks more and more like a man wearing a
rotted skin from some poor movie fan he keeps
preserved in his basement.
|
|
4. The Green Hornet
Directed by Michael Gondry
Columbia Pictures
There has to be one movie every year that infuriates
us to no end, and this year it was the complete and
utter bastardization of Bruce Lee's series "The
Green Hornet." This could have been the beginning of
a major franchise, the start of an antithesis to the
Batman series where fans could retreat to a gripping
and dark tale of two masked crime fighters taking
down the crime world from the inside out. This could
have been an intelligent neo-noir costumed superhero
bash with great fight scenes and killer tech.
Instead what we get is a vanity project of a chubby
comedian quickly wearing out his welcome. Trust us,
we're glad Seth Rogen lost a lot of weight, but he
was so utterly wrong with the role of the Green
Hornet that it's ridiculous. |
 |
|
And when he could
have balanced out his miscasting with a true
star as sidekick Kato, Rogen instead casts a
bland nobody to play his sidekick so he won't
lose screen time and maintain the focus on him.
"The Green Hornet" is another example of America
bastardizing Bruce Lee's work, as this fantastic
idea is turned in to a horrific buddy comedy
with bad writing, flat jokes, and self indulgent
cameos from star Rogen's best friends. There
isn't a single likable quality about this piece
of crap from Kato Vision, to the horrid special
effects, right down to Kato being transformed in
to an inept fool by Rogen. There were so many
ways this movie could have gone, rather than the
deplorable vanity project this became.
Why We'll Never See This Again:
Nothing screams
"iconic superhero" than the title character and
his sidekick warbling "Gangster's Paradise" in a
pimped up car.
|
|
 |
3. Passion Play
Directed by Mitch Glazer
Image Entertainment
It's junk cinema like this that gives mainstream
audiences the wrong idea about arthouse films.
Because art house this is not. Although it does give
off the impression it's trying to be something of a
modern art film, in the end. Filled with oodles of
pretentious plot devices and meaningless symbolism,
"Passion Play" pairs the poorly miscast Mickey
Rourke with the young Megan Fox to tell the tale of
a bird girl, society's efforts to corrupt her
beauty, and the jazz musician who will do anything
to help her. We don't know why Mickey Rourke isn't
more selective with his roles these days, but
"Passion Play" is a gross display of poor choices
made with a film that is utterly nonsensical and
fails to deliver the slightest bit of
intellectualism it pretends to obtain. Admittedly we
don't remember much about "Passion Play" as we've
blocked it out like a bad kidney stone, but it's
surely not worthy of your time unless you're willing
to see Megan Fox mug for the camera and feign a
performance for cash.
Why
We'll Never See This Again:
Faux-Lynchian storytelling
was never our bag.
|
|
2. The Hangover II
Directed by Todd Phillips
Warner Bros. Pictures
Only in America can you get audiences to pay to see
the same movie twice in a row! Matching the baffling
success of "The Hangover" was a feat in and of
itself, but the writers and studios took basically
the easy way out and completely remade the original
film and just setting it down in a different
location. While there are some highlights to the
film like Jamie Chung and... Jamie Chung... and
Jamie Chung, don't kid yourselves people. This is
the exact same film as before. Rather than a lost
tooth there's a tattoo, rather than a baby there's a
monkey, and rather than a one night stand with a
stripper there's a one night stand with a
transsexual stripper! And there's also a gross under
reaction to a lost finger in the climax of the film.
I would ponder on if I'm the audience for this film,
but I'm a guy. |
 |
|
And for a film
series proclaiming itself as the ultimate guy
films, "The Hangover II" is a lazy and horribly
unfunny clone of its original counterpart that
has no idea how to concoct any laughs. Not that
the original was a laugh riot to begin with but
at least it aspired for gaffs and giggles. "The
Hangover II" is a miserable and excruciating
comedy experience that exploits the economic
woes of Thailand for comedy and fails at every
turn. Every cast member seems to phone it in
from minute one, and there isn't a single laugh
to be had at any time. Of course it was a big
hit because audiences will pay for anything in
theaters and there's another film planned. We'll
just be a little more cautious with our money
next time and make sure not to pay for the same
movie a third time. And trust me, Ken Jeong is
funny. America just hasn't found a way to make
him funny, yet.
Why We'll Never See This Again:
Apart, the guys of
"The Hangover" are much more appealing.
|
|
 |
1. The Human Centipede II: Full Sequence
Directed by: Tom Six
Written by: Tom Six
Starring: People Desperately in Need of Work
IFC Films
No the movie doesn't
offend me. Nor does it disturb me. At the end of the
day "Human Centipede 2" is about as useless a movie
as it can be. While we didn't love the original
film, considering it one of the worst of 2010, this
sequel is without a doubt one of the worst sequels
in existence. And based on such an innovative
concept like a human centipede to boot! Kidding of
course. If this is the next evolution of torture
porn then count me out because I don't want to
contribute to the funding and profits of cinematic
quasi-art house dreck like this that will be
dissected by movie geeks who insist this is just
misunderstood post-modern art. |
|
There's nothing about this movie that's art. It's a
black hole of nothing. It's a void of garbage. It's
garbage surrounded by garbage. It's a film that says
nothing and aspires to do nothing but gross out its
audience. And when it fails it tries to gross us out
even more. Films like this should be exposed for
everyone to see, just so they can understand how
useless and utterly ridiculous crap like this is and
why it's infecting our theaters. No I don't want it
to be tucked away and forgotten.
Because that will
give audiences the idea that this is a film on the
fringes, a film that's edgy. So folks will seek it
out and attempt to find some hidden meaning behind
it. Tom Six is not just a juvenile director but one
who has no idea how to construct the simplest of
narratives, thus "Full Sequence" doesn't try for
anything beyond a rand string of sequences that
eventually turn in to one giant form of mean
spirited torture porn at its all time lowest. And
when it's not weakly trying to shock us, it's boring
us to pieces with characters who fail to be fully
fleshed out individuals, a black and white
photography that leaves them flat lifeless figures
wandering around dark corridor, and a director so
full of himself he probably smells his own farts and
licks them up. "Human Centipede 2" tries to be meta,
and fails, then tries to be horror and fails, then
tries for comedy and fails, tries for social
commentary and fails, and tries to bash its fan base
and fails. So it's merely just a void of
nothingness. It's minus a film. It's absolute zero a
film. It's worthless junk I never want to see again.
Why
We'll Never See This Again:
Where can we begin?
|
|
DISHONORABLE MENTION/S:
Annaliese: The Exorcist Tapes, The Rite, Bad
Teacher, Horrible Bosses, The Three Musketeers,
Faces in the Crowd, Zookeeper, The Roommate
MOVIES THAT
PROBABLY WOULD HAVE MADE THE CUT, BUT DIDN'T,
BECAUSE... WELL, WE JUST DON'T WANT TO SEE THEM
(UNLESS OBLIGATED TO) OR DIDN'T BOTHER TO SEEK THEM
OUT:
Justin Bieber Never Say
Never, Something Borrowed, No Strings Attached, Just
Go With It, Jack and Jill, The Change Up, The
Dilemma, What's your Number?, New Year's Eve, Bucky
Larson
THE
BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT... Sucker Punch
Such a very diverse and unique
cast added to a very interesting premise, all for
naught. "Sucker Punch" is definitely not one of the
worst movies of the year, but it's definitely the
most disappointing. It's a lackluster often erratic
effort to muster up anime and pop sensibilities in a
heavy handed often convoluted story that fails to
deliver any interesting characters or unique
situations. It's a shame because we were really
looking forward to Zack Snyder's latest outing.
MOST
OVERRATED OF THE YEAR... We Need to Talk About Kevin
Clumsy metaphor, clunky
symbolism, and an excruciating experience, "We Need
to Talk About Kevin" has been a critical favorite,
and we just don't get why. It's a film that's devoid
of humanity and is based around two truly unlikable
despicable individuals at an eternal war for reasons
never quite explored and fails to deliver any sort
of emotional punch or impact many critics have
claimed it does. We don't mind never seeing this one
again. |
Five Choice Indies of 2011
/
The Top 10 of 2011!
|
