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It’s hard to really deny that Jojo and Emma
Roberts have an interesting chemistry. Had the writers chosen to make
“Aquamarine” a down to Earth glimpse at friendship with a mermaid, and
turned away from the sickening fluff, there could have been something
very emotional and clutching. But in the end, it’s really just a typical
on-screen friendship. The girls are bubbly, and boring, and Roberts is
your typical geeky character, etc. There’s one interesting sequence in
which the two argue and bring about issues that are never confronted in
the film. And I sat there wondering why the hell this was never brought
up with a lengthier and complex scope. For a film that claims to be
about friendship, it’s sad we didn’t see more of the depth available
with the two main characters here. Jojo and Roberts’ chemistry is
charming to watch, and I didn’t despise watching them yammer back and
forth. Meanwhile, I could have done with more scenes featuring Arielle
Kebbel as the obligatory bitchy character because… well, Kebbel is
gorgeous. Need I say more?
The problem with “Aquamarine” is not so much
that it’s a soulless vapid concoction with “Teen People” readers in
mind, but in that it’s so utterly void of originality. It rips off
“Splash,” Disney’s “Cinderella,” and worst of all Disney’s “Little
Mermaid.” You could basically call this a remake sans the admission. A
mermaid stuck on land, falls in love with a land dweller and romances
him in spite of defiance of her father. Meanwhile, two girls follow her
around teaching her how to act human. Sometimes rock bottom sub-level
expectations can work for you, and “Aquamarine” isn’t the awful piece of
tripe it was deemed as. In a world where “Hoot” and “Sleepover” are on
video shelves, this isn’t a bad alternative. But it is bad. There’s no
denying that. Had the aforementioned titles never arrived, this would be
original. But alas, we live in a world where films are remade officially
and unofficially.
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But, what’s worst of all is that in the age
of cell phones, internet, chat rooms, MySpace, Friendster,
text messaging, digital cameras, web cameras, and even
letter writing, it’s tough to actually be emotionally
involved in two best friends being choked up about moving
away from one another. That’s where “Aquamarine” fails most
of all.
It’s just hard to believe in a
digital age that people can’t be as close as they are
sitting next to one another, thousands of miles away. |
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Book or not, it’s a plot device that’s
really hard to swallow… among the notion that a mermaid can hide in a
pool and not be noticed, while Aquamarine pops up one day without either
girl’s parents noticing or questioning. The two girls here really serve
no purpose beyond the standard set up that they’re hopefully in love
with the hunky lifeguard Raymond. Mysteriously, most of his scenes are
shot in slow motion, which will lead audiences to believe he’s one of
the most sluggish characters on Earth, is a stalwart from “Baywatch,” or
perhaps has the power to slow time to save chicks. Beyond that, the two
girls are reduced to tag along’s as soon as Aquamarine enters, and oddly
enough they don’t matter anymore.
Aquamarine then becomes the center of attention in all her blond leggy
glory romancing Raymond and learning the finer things about humanity
like… earrings, and shopping… and, magazines. Yow. Obviously, this isn’t
a philosophical glance at society, folks. Regardless, the two main
characters become girls who scream and aid Aquamarine while their
sub-plot is reduced to background fodder. By the middle, some folks will
ask “What about their relationship?” Well, it’s confronted, but only as
a backdrop to Aquamarine and Raymond’s romance. Thus any grab for impact
is lost. “Aquamarine” is just not for people over twelve, but even
then it will still be hard
pressed to grab fans.
Yes, you probably expected a trashing
review, but “Aquamarine” is harmless and it’s a good time for the
preteen girls who buy into this slop, while the preteen boys will flip
for Paxton, Roberts, and or Jojo. I’d never see it again, but I didn’t
want to smash my head into my television, either.
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