One thing I was sure of after watching "Boogeyman" was that I've never seen such an un-scary movie before. "Boogeyman" is yet another cookie cutter supernatural thriller posing as horror that figures if it throws in a few old school devices, and oodles of special effects, it automatically warrants a consideration as a horror film. Horror it's not,  melodramatic junk, it sure is. It's bleak, it's murky and it's incredibly uneventful such as its predecessors "Darkness Falls" and "Hide and Seek" were. For a ninety minute film, it's sad that all we ever get out of this experience are false scares, false alarms, and really weak jump scares that never lead up to anything but a really bad ending.

"Boogeyman" commits the crime of being extremely boring. The exposition is weak, the characterization is utterly predictable, and the plot twists are as flimsy and typical as you'd expect. Characters are introduced for no purpose than to be a giant plot device, and its main character never carries the story successfully. Barry Watson plays Tim a man who returns home to re-visit his child hood demons after his mom dies. His father was killed by his closet monster when he was a child (Don't you hate when that happens?), and now he's come to face his past with grim results. Though "Boogeyman" will insist from beginning to end that it's a horror film, it's truly anything but. It's a drama with cheap horror elements like loud slamming doors, annoying creaky floors, and you'll hear your own snores.

"Boogeyman" dupes its audience and then introduces dramatic elements courtesy of Eric Kripke who can never decide what he wants to do with the story. And then it tries to get philosophical. So many "horror" films have tried to build its premise around childhood trauma from "Hide and Seek" to "Darkness Falls", but the only film that has accomplished that feat is "A Tale of Two Sisters" which was so adept. "Boogeyman" attempts to do the same thing hinting that the boogeyman is just an allegory and manifestation of this characters trauma, but the themes are only superficial and Kripke never bothers to explore it beyond the hints. He also haphazardly creates an array of possible origins toward the Boogeyman, and never bothers to explain to us who or what he is. Watson's performance is truly wooden requiring that he basically brood, cry, and under-react to having his loved ones die underneath his nose, while Emily Deschanel serves no purpose to the story other than to crash in to Tim on some occasions and scream when the boogeyman finally makes himself seen.

Meanwhile, Skye McCole Bartusiak plays Tim's next door neighbor with a mysterious albeit utterly predictable connection with the boogeyman; she's introduced in such a cliché manner, appears every so often, and has a basically pointless role. McKay's direction leaves much to be desire with no atmosphere, very choppy editing, and "horror" compiled of old clichés and tricks with sound. And what is it with directors using creaky swings as horror devices these days? It's tired. Worst of all, "Boogeyman" leaves plenty of unanswered questions. Why was the boogeyman obsessed with Tim of all people? Were the dreams of his mom the boogeyman, or childhood trauma coming back at him? Was the boogeyman a manifestation of his childhood trauma? What was the point of going through all those rooms? What was the point of his friend going along with him? Why did that little girl meet him? Was she a spirit, a guardian angel, a guide, or the boogeyman's assistant? After the climax what about his girlfriend, and his uncle, and Kate's father? What about Tim's father? Were they still alive? Did he even care, since he was alive in the end? Why must I ask all these questions?

I was hoping "Boogeyman" wouldn't be as bad as everyone had said, but trust me, it is, it's bad because it's not really a horror film, it pseudo-psychological melodrama that attempts to dissect childhood trauma. It's hackneyed, with bad editing, worse directing, bland performances, a plot that makes no sense, and leaves dozens of plot holes left for the audience to wonder about long after the film is finished. "Boogeyman" is as bad as you've heard.

• Is not a remake, sequel, or spin-off of the 1980 John Carradine horror flick "The Boogeyman".

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