2004
Rated: G
Genre: Teen Comedy Romance
Directed By: Mark Rosman
Running Time: 1:36
Review by: Felix Vasquez Jr.
Review Date: 5/29/05
DVD Features:
Audio Commentary - 1. Hilary Duff - Star, Other Cast
Trailers - 1. Original Theatrical Trailer
Featurettes - 1. CINDERELLA COUTURE: THE MAKING OF A FASHIONABLY MODERN FAIRYTALE
Music Videos - 1. Hilary & Hallie Duff - OUR LIPS ARE SEALED
Additional Scenes
Interactive Features:
Scene Access
A CINDERELLA STORY

 

The only saving grace for this film? Regina King. That's right, I love this woman in every one of her roles. She's an excellent actress, is very underrated and excels with superiority in a movie wreaking with mediocrity. She was the best thing in "Ray", she was the best thing in "Enemy of the State", and she's the best thing here, being reduced to the fairy godmother role. Now, with a movie like this I assumed they'd just have King for one or two scenes here and just have her on the cast to brag about the obligatory high profile actress, but I give them credit for putting her to good use, because she's amazing. She's excellent as the fairy godmother and puts Duff to shame. She's sassy, she's enthusiastic and a great role model acting as the moral center for Duff's character and her journey, and, of course, she steals the scenes she's in delivering even the most tepid lines with a lot of fervor. I wish King would have starred in this more. God bless you, King, you made me pay attention to this movie.

I tell you, its movies like these that knock ten points off my IQ. If it was the plan of the writer and director to make its intelligent audience who were daring enough to watch this, to zone out like zombies during this movie, well, they succeeded with flying colors, because while watching this there were seriously times where I sat down zoning off in to space at the sheer unequivocal idiocy that proceeds during what this is loosely referred to as a "movie". Fans of Duff (I pity you) will just say this is only entertainment, well, if you consider this entertainment, then I really pity you, I do.

This has the title of a commonly known story, but trust me, it's story by name only, because while it calls itself a variation of "Cinderella", it's really just yet another of the million versions of "Pretty in Pink", because If I don't recall Cinderella wasn't as dumb as a brick, and Prince Charming wasn't old enough to be her uncle. But when you get down to it and cut through all the bullshit, this is another of Duff's tepid vehicles with the score comprised totally of her "music", along with a main character that deifies her as someone she isn't. Is it not a coincidence that the director worked on the Lizzie McGuire series? All of her movies so far have been nothing but vehicles whose purpose is to keep her in the spotlight while the writers do nothing but kiss her ass and glorify her for not having any talent that I can see. I don't understand what her appeal is except to assume that she's getting roles for being blonde, white, and pretty.

I'm never one to play the race card, but I just can’t come up with any other logical reason for her getting roles in movies, especially with no-brain teen fodder like this. I mean, how many of these plain, pretty girls trying to survive through the high school status quo movies must we sit through before Hollywood actually pops out an actual original script? In this story of Cinderella, Duff plays Sam, a girl whose father dies in a bad earthquake and she's left with her evil stepfamily who forces her to work at her father's diner and skip school, but when she starts keeping in touch with the school hunk online, incognito. Most of their scenes consists of them talking online, because no romance is complete without the "You've Got Mail" rip-off, so we're subjected to boring scenes of the two chatting online, cue internet product placement, and PM'ing on a cell phone, cue cell phone product placement, because this movie is, like, so totally modern.

I live in the age where people have cell phones for no reason and the characters here seem to have cell phones for no reason. For example, Sam's step mom gives her no money, keeps her in the attic, and she works in a diner, but she has a really fancy cell phone! Wow, this is a fairytale, after all. And she has a computer, fully equipped, with the internet! And she magically knows her crushes handle online, but couldn't he track her through the school system or through his computer if he was that desperate to meet her? No, you idiot! You have to keep the movie going as long as humanly possible. Listen, I don't care how romantic you try to make a movie, it's just not fun watching two people typing on a computer, it just isn't.

And basically every one of the supporting characters and villains are made up with such a caricature-ish quality that it's hard to ever take them seriously. Dan Byrd as Carter, Sam's best friend is way over the top and never funny, especially when he shows up throughout the movie in different costumes, being an aspiring actor and all, Jennifer Coolidge does her usual crude attempt at bitchy but she really just comes off as annoying, and every one of their characters' chemistry and attempted character emphasis is so forced and stifled. There's even this really badly drawn out sub-plot with Austin who wants to go to Princeton, but his father is forcing upon him to become a football star and then take over the car dealership. It would be good drama had it had any relevance to the actual movie, or attempted romance, and it would be interesting were it not already been done in Murray's show "One Tree Hill", and about every other teen football movie ever made. Give me a whopper of a break, people. The dialogue between Murray and his father is hilarious because it's such obligatory plot devices with Murray brooding "Dad I don’t want to go to USC", and the father anxiously stressing, "This is our plan, you have to take over the car dealership". This is most of their dialogue, and we're never really told if they're actually close or not.

Sam's focus is boring simply because there is none except for the concept explained at the beginning. She has no personality, no depth, no real emphasis, and she's a boring person, it's hard to believe any one would like her. Then there are the villains, ah, the villains, as if the step sisters weren't enough as villains, they add the popular cheerleader princesses, the leader who is blonde, of course, hates Sam, of course, and is a royal freaking bitch, of course. There was this mind-blowing scene where the cheerleaders are walking down the hall which pretty much is there to establish their bitch hood, but look at that scene closely. Here's where my movie nerdiness comes to play. The scene where they're walking through the hall is such a rip from another film. Which film? Cruel Intentions... 2. That's right. I'm shocked they ripped an element from "Cruel Intentions 2". When the writers begin ripping off a Straight to Video sequel to a movie, you know they're getting desperate.

That whole popular girls walking through the hall muttering "move" as people get out of their way--man that was a tired device then, and it's a very tired device now. But the worst parts of the movie consist of the focus on Murray's and Duff's characters which are mostly vapid sequences. Does Murray always play that brooding smart guy role? I've yet to make the declaration on whether Murray is a good actor or not, but until he decides to start doing better roles, then he's still just another one-dimensional teen actor. And how many times can Duff continue playing the ditzy clumsy blonde bubblehead before she and it gets old and boring? She is definitely one of the worst actresses in Hollywood right now, without a doubt. The film tries its hand at many things and fails because it tries romance and sucks, and then tries comedy and ends up being really unfunny. Not even the presence of Coolidge could help improve it. And the dialogue doesn’t even work when it's trying to work as comedy. "I'm the Cinderelliest Cinderella"? Who in the hell thought that'd be even remotely funny?

And worst of all, the defining aspect with the ball and Sam dressing in a gown ends up being ridiculous as she's this blonde ditzy girl, who gets made up, and puts a small white mask on her face, and suddenly she's unrecognizable. I don't get it, she wears a stupid small mask and no one can recognize her? Not even her stepsisters whom she grew up with? I doubt there are not many air headed blondes running around. Regardless, when it should end, it doesn't, and it just drones on and on without anything worth watching, and Duff has yet another brainless movie to add to her repertoire.

This is bad. Really bad. But what do you expect in a movie starring Hilary Duff? It's a movie which basically just worships her again even though she can't act to save her life. The only real saving grace in this vapid shit stain is Regina King who always steals the movie. If you found this funny, then I have to question your idea of funny, and your IQ. People with taste, and a brain need not apply.

  • I zoned out three times during the course of this film. All a divided time of ten minutes.
  • "Mom always tells me to celebrate everyone's uniqueness. I like the way that sounds." - Hillary Duff. (Perhaps she should try practicing it)

 

 

What did you think? Discuss this film at the Cinema Crazed Forum

 


[   Link to Us   |   FAQ   |   Top^   ]
All written reviews material and content are a copyright of Felix Vasquez Jr. and Cinema Crazed.
Content borrowed without written permission will not be permitted.

¤ ¤ ¤