Smith's terrible film is somewhat saved by a hilarious and rather entertaining twist ending in which our character Kate experiences poetic irony that not only keeps her grounded in the reality of her situation, but of the mud that her former cohorts in this battle have faced. It's a rather humorous turn of events that Potente handles well, and I wondered why the rest of the film couldn't be this clever.

Many things ran through my mind throughout the running time of “Creep,” particularly the question of: I waited all this time for this piece of crap? Yes, I was actually rather excited about seeing this, and waited a good long time for either a copy to come across me, or for it to premiere on television. Lo and behold, I got my wish and my high expectations were met with what I can only describe as a film that strives for pure tedium and monotony. Thinly painted characters are stuck in ridiculous situations, often make decisions that make you plead for their deaths, and surprisingly, through all this, we experience perhaps one of the strongest horror movie characters ever created who manages to survive being lost on train tracks, caged, and a vicious merciless monster.

I’m talking about a little dog. Behold a character that’s not as annoying as the character’s here, but will grate on your nerves when you realize that this dog comes across more violent and harrowing situations than the humans do, and still makes it out in the end, without a cut, broken leg, or sense of trauma. What does that speak of a movie that has you admiring the tenacity of a street dog, and causes you to hope for the painful deaths of its human characters? “Creep” is so unevenly paced, and so dreadfully boring, that I couldn’t really give a crap about how despicable our character Kate (played with competence by the sexy Franka Potente) is, and how deserving she is of an actual death.

What “Creep” does do is warn you that you’re in for an annoying horror film only twenty minutes in when it suspiciously feels like “CHUD” involving a couple of inept sewer workers, and their adventures with a female victim that leads into the introduction of Kate, a self-centered, and incredibly obnoxious woman. She finds herself in a train station one night attempting to meet with a friend and drinks herself unconscious. As all London stations, the stop she’s in is closed tight, and she’s stuck for the night, and then realizes she’s being chased.

Convenient assorted characters are met in the tube with Kate looking for a way out, plot devices are introduced aplenty, and we’re introduced to one of most obnoxious horror movie creatures ever made. I could never tell what the creature here was, and personally with Smith’s inability to decide on an origin, I never really cared. Kate runs a lot through tunnels, and rooms, and dark corners, and she continuously makes some of the worst decisions you can imagine in such a harrowing situation. “Creep” is a failure on every imaginable level, absurd, and utterly ridiculous.

Stupid despicable characters do stupid despicable things with one of the most obnoxious horror movie villains ever made chasing after them in a setting with potential that's properly wasted. "Creep" should actually be called "Crap" in the end.

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