2006
Rated: R for strong sexual content, strong language, and violence.
Genre: Comedy Spoof Romance
Directed By: Aaron Seltzer
Running Time: 1:25
Review by: Felix Vasquez Jr.
Review Date: 12/14/06
Special Features:
Audio Commentary - 1. Aaron Seltzer - Director/Writer; Jason Friedberg - Writer
2. Cast Commentary
Additional Footage - 1. "Inside Look: Omen"
2. Anti-Commentary
Featurettes - Memorable Dates
Trailers - Bonus Trailers
Downloads - Romantic Screensavers
Alternate Audio Track - Laugh Track
Alternate Scenes - Extended/Alternate Scenes (5)
Trailers - Product Trailers - Soundtrack Spot
DATE MOVIE

 

At the start of the film, as a fat Alyson Hannigan dances around in front of a group of construction workers, one of them is so disgusted he shoots himself with his nail gun jamming a nail into his temple. My only reaction was, “Me next.” Is it possible that “Napoleon Dynamite” references are already dated in comedy movies and all forms of pop culture? Well, “Date Movie” proves that question with a very grim reminder of things to come. Never have I seen a comedy that I almost shut off two minutes before the credits even began, but “Date Movie” almost pushed me to it. You'd better thank me.

The word for “Date Movie,” the word that describes its pure despicable existence manages to transcend any word in the human language, so I’ll have to make a word up: Blemora. Yes, “Date Movie” is so completely blemora I wanted to throw myself in front of a moving train with the cast of “The Biggest Loser” on it just to ease the pain. A midget “Hitch,” a fat girl dancing to the entire song of “Milkshake,” lampoons of Jennifer Lopez and Paris Hilton, and obvious references to “Bridget Jones” peppered throughout. My god.  

My fucking god it’s painful. You have to appreciate Alyson Hannigan’s ability to be fearlessly outrageous for a girl who has been in many roles that portray her as meek. But “Date Movie” is a step in the wrong direction. Not so much wrong direction, it’s a step into the wrong direction and right into a shit pile. You know that the writers are utterly desperate when they include a very long and utterly painful reference to “When Harry Met Sally,” I mean that movie has been spoofed a million times ad nauseum, and it just smacks of sheer utter scraping of the bottom of the barrel. And they also manage to recruit two veterans from Christopher Guest comedies which I’m still attempting to register hours after watching this.

The writers of “Date Movie” are two years behind the trend of making fun of films like “When Harry Met Sally,” and “My Best Friend’s Wedding,” but that doesn’t stop them from torturing the audience from sitting through very long drawn out gags referencing them, some of which go on for at least four minutes. “Date Movie” is a pure disaster. It’s one of the worst comedies made in the last six years, and that’s quite an accomplishment considering most of the comedies have been horrible. But “Date Movie” is in a league of its own. I invented a new word for it. No other film has earned that.

You'd have to be seriously stoned and brain dead to enjoy this piece of blemora garbage. Yes, it's pretty close-minded to say that, but who gives a shit? I was in pain during this, and there are very few movies that can cause me physical pain. It's an unfunny piece of pure shit. That's all there is to it.

 

 

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