FAQ
 

OUR MISSION IF WE CHOOSE TO ACCEPT IT, AND WE DID
To review current movies that are out on video and expose our love for films. We give you lengthy reviews written with the target audience (of that specific genre) in mind. We cut and trim down every film analyzing every aspect from acting to directing down to production value, we tell you the truth about a movie and declare whether a movie is just awful or is worth watching, and we feature the occasional obscure pop culture reference in our writing. We also feature DVD specs and an occasional current review of a film in theaters just to lure ya in and bait you like the big-mouthed bass you are.

WHY REVIEW MOVIES?
Because I'm sick and tired. I'm sick and tired of critics reviewing movies to appeal to the audience, I'm tired of critics paid off to give movies a good review, I'm tired of critics whom only review mainstream films, I'm tired of critics whom only give a movie a good review to have their snippet featured on a Television ad, I'm tired of the lowbrow critics who adore the mainstream junk and never quite pay attention to the independents. I'm tired of critics who just don't quite get it when it comes to horror. It's sort of an unspoken rule among movie critics that all horror movies suck ass. I don't think so, I love horror movies and if it's a good horror movie, it gets a good review. The end. So I devote my precious time to reviewing movies for you to read. I'm a real movie fan who adores movies, and I'll express my love of film on to you.

You may not always agree with what I have to say, but I'm honest.

WHAT IS "CINEMA CRAZED"?
Cinema Crazed is a rather large website that's grown gradually over the years from a small place with capsule reviews to a more extensive list of films ranging from independents, low budget, big budget, documentary, animated, short subject, and foreign films, without any real bias' towards a certain genre (except porn). We had only two sections when we first started with a cheap animated marquee above and then grew to more sections with lists, a lot of reviews, a message board, Cinemusings, and a whole lot more. The moderate success we've experienced didn't come overnight. Remember that.

HOW AND WHEN DID "CINEMA CRAZED" START?
We started this website back in 1998, and were originally called "The Balcony" movie reviews, a jab at Siskel and Ebert who always ended their show with "The Balcony is closed", so we started off at geocities.com, and then moved repeatedly. We originally had a pretty cheesy film background and then just small reviews with four sentences atop one another in a row, then we turned our background black and after a thousand logo changes settled on one. After my knowledge for HTML improved I split my reviews into frames and then back into one page and finally I rebuilt our entire website scrapping old reviews, keeping some and basically restarting along with adding new sections and taking our previous routine of splitting our reviews into separate genre pages into one page with all of our reviews. Later in early 2003 we did yet another revamp by re-doing a lot of our old sections, adding new logos, dispensing of our framed reviews, and then finally changing "The Balcony Movie Reviews" to a more compact, catchier title which led to "Cinema Crazed" (cue dramatic trumpeting). And voila, here we are.

WHY DID YOU CHANGE YOUR NAME?
Well, it was fucking irritating, first of all. If you've been with us for the earlier part of our net occupancy, then we were once called "The Balcony Movie Reviews", and the Balcony grew on me, but whenever we were listed somewhere, the sites would never put "The Balcony Movie Reviews", they'd put just "The Balcony". That's not what I wanted, so I changed it to a smaller catchier title with more possibilities. Cinema Crazed is a great name that grew on me after a few years. People seem to like it.

ARE YOU COMPETING WITH OTHER BETTER SITES OUT THERE?
Absolutely not. I am competing in a sense, but I'm only trying to get readers. That's all. The problem is, people think anyone can review a film, and that's not true. A movie-goer watches a movie, a movie critic observes a film while enjoying it. They look for flaws, high points, performances, plot holes, inconsistencies and every little detail counts. Not everyone can review film.

HOW COME YOUR REVIEWS AT FILM THREAT, DON'T SHOW UP HERE?
Well, because they have a knack for suing people who take their property without asking, and they're really strict when it comes to that type of stuff, so reviews that are there, won't be here, and vice versa. From now on, I'm focusing my energy on Cinema Crazed, and Film Threat. Cinema Crazed is my wife, and Film Threat is my mistress. Case closed.

HOW CAN MY FILM END UP AS AN "INDIE SPOTLIGHT"?
It's not based on bias, or favoritism, that's for sure. And we don't add your film based on your request. An indie film we feel deserves to be featured is featured. Just hope for the best. And don't take it personally if it's never on there.

HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN WRITING?
It's going on... eight years, now. It just started. Like Joseph Dougherty says "Obsessions sneak up on you like a snowdrift".

EVER BEEN PUBLISHED?
Once. Almost. It was with Random House. I was going to publish an anthology horror book, but there were contract slip-ups and they just dropped the book. It's a shame. BUT I do write for Film Threat now! You can look me up there, my brothas and sistahs. Also, Neal Bailey is constantly writing for Superman Homepage, and Noah Runzo writes reviews for "Supernatural". We're everywhere. Shiny.

I SPOTTED A COUPLE OF ERRORS ON ONE OF YOUR REVIEWS--SHOULD I SAY ANYTHING?
Well, we review a lot of movies, and must get information on the film to include in it, and every once and a while we'll forget to write on a certain section, or will leave a section blank, and on rare occasions we won't update our site, and it's not our fault a lot of the times. So we'd appreciate being called on it, but be patient, it's only one person running the site, and we still try our damndest to bring you quality reviews. As the site grows more and more, it's harder to keep up. But, I'm up for the challenge.

HEY, I DISAGREE WITH YOUR REVIEW, WHAT SHOULD I DO?
Firstly, take your thumb and stick it up your rear-end and twist, and then you can catch me on "Cinema-Lunatics" if you're aimin' to misbehave. I love to argue with people, and nothing brings more joy to my heart than arguing with someone about movies (Sad, isn't it?). So, contact me through our boards, and we'll talk. I'm pretty friendly, so you'll only get a few death threats. We're always looking for real movie buffs to grace us with their presence.

YOU CURSE/SWEAR A LOT IN YOUR REVIEWS.
You ever curse so fucking much, you fucking find out, that in the fucking midst of it all, you don't even fucking realize that you're fucking doing it? Well, that's what fucking happens with me. Oh, and I pay for this site, I can say whatever I damn well please. Fuck yeah.

WHY ARE YOUR REVIEWS SO LONG? AND WHY DO YOU RECAP THE FILM'S PLOT SOMETIMES?
My reviews are long because I have a lot to say and I omit no detail because I want the reader to know what they're getting into, I attempt to show the reader what the movie is truly like through some details I include, plus I recap the film because I want to lay out what the reader wants to know about the film. You know--books are much longer than my reviews. And most of them lack my wry wit, and hilarious one-liners. Stop bitching about my long reviews, and increase your attention span.

WHY DO THE RATINGS ON YOUR REVIEW DIFFER FROM THE RATINGS I SEE ELSEWHERE?
Because the MPAA's ratings are often inappropriately given and tailored for its target audience. Some of my ratings given to the movies are what I feel should be given rather than depending on the MPAA's ratings which are often times mysteriously gentle on the film. "Charlie's Angels 2" was given a PG-13 rating in spite of the sexual content which is odd, so I gave it an R. Think of me as a rebel with an actual cause. I really am a rebel... honest.

WHAT QUALIFIES AS A "CRITIC'S PICK" EXACTLY?
A critic's pick is a movie I've given four stars to, a movie that I think is masterpiece potential and presents excellent aspects with so much such superiority and sophistication, and many times I just enjoyed the movie so damn much that I slap four stars on the sucka!

WHAT ARE YOUR QUALIFICATIONS AS A MOVIE CRITIC?
AREN'T YOU JUST ANOTHER ARMCHAIR CRITIC WITH NO LIFE?
Screw you, hippie. I have no qualifications, but I can make a mean Ramen noodle soup, and I know all the lyrics to "Freebird"!

AREN'T YOU JUST ANOTHER OUT OF WORK ACTOR, OR SCREENWRITER?
No. I have no intentions of placing my mug on a movie, I've never sold nor do I want to sell a screenplay. This is a site we're honestly using to write movie reviews for, and then I'm writing novels on the side. I'm just a starving writer looking to show his feelings about movies.

AREN'T YOU KIND OF A MOVIE SNOB?
I'm only one kind, and excuse the hell out of me for having taste. If being a snob means being extra particular about preferring art over crap, then yes, I be a snob. And, yes, Napoleon Dynamite, Eli Roth, White Chicks, and Michael Bay are still shit.

I SURE DO LIKE CINEMA CRAZED, HOW CAN I HELP WITHOUT CONTRIBUTING WRITING?
Just buy through us, or donate.

HOW CAN I KEEP UP WITH THE SITE'S CONSTANT UPDATES?
You can sign up to our board, or catch us on Myspace where we announce updates.

ANY FINAL THOUGHTS?
Enjoy the reviews, stay awhile, and rock and roll.

 

Have any further questions we didn't pose here? Ask and we shall tell.