It's hard to find comic book adaptations that stick true to the source material closely, or at all, and it's rare to find comic book adaptations that take its source material seriously and to heart. The Batman franchise was an ill-conceived idea which was ill-conceivably put together from the get go. From the immensely yellow insignia, right down to the homo-erotic themes, this is a list of the Batman movies of the franchise beginning from my MOST favorite to my LEAST favorite:

(Warning: This is for the live action films, not the animated films)

BATMAN RETURNS - B+
This got it right more than the original film did, and it's much better despite the immense flaws of Burton's inability to do anything that's not in the surreal, not that I'm complaining, mind you. I don't consider Burton a genius as many others do, he's just what he is. A gothic, surreal, eccentric and many times utterly pompous and obnoxious director who has a vision. Show me an artist who isn't what I mentioned, and I'll show you a hack. Take an already surreal concept and make it even stranger, take Munch and turn it in to Dali, and that's what Burton did, and you have to appreciate his balls for it. There's Chris Walken being Chris Walken playing "Max Shreck" (Love the Nosferatu reference Timmy), and then there are the usual aspects for Batman. The only problem is, now there are two villains, two big stars with clout who further take the attention away from Batman. This time we have Catwoman and The Penguin and Burton approaches them with the same surreal imagination that we'd expect. Catwoman went from a very sexy femme fatale to an even sexier S&M femme fatale who enjoyed busting Batman's balls because it was fun and soon became a form of foreplay for the two who used the fighting as a sexual thrill. Michelle Pfeiffer made many a fan boy cream his pants with her portrayal and she handled it well.

The Penguin, while botched, was also ballsy and turned into a disgusting humanoid who bit off people's noses, and was repulsive to look at. Gotham becomes even more colorful this time around, though the colors are very subtle, and the story is much better. This time around the felinized Selina Kyle becomes both the villain and love interest for Bruce, something that became the superior plot device over the bland love interest formula in the rest of the films. Both are people who are enraged with identities to hide underneath their dark personas fighting for what they think is just. Though DC is just black and white most times, Burton presented two people whom were against the law and saw their own brands of violence as both punishment and justice to the people who deserved it. Both are conflicted entities, and both know they can't be with one another because regardless of what they define as justice, they're still on opposite spectrums of the law. The film packs a punch with some amazing scenery, some excellent and fun action, and Batman is even scarier this time, though the bit of campiness is snuck in where Batman's batmobile is overtaken by Penguin, I'll let it slide, since this is just the best of the series after all. The film ends on a high note and introduction for a much talked about spin-off for Catwoman which eventually led to the infamous "The Cat Woman" movie which DC denies having any part in.

BATMAN - B-
This is a film that almost got it right. Almost. There's this real "I'll take what I can get" attitude a lot of comic book fans  have accepted among the masses. Even I have it, and this is just what comic book movies were at this time, "I'm giving it
to you, so take it anyway" statement from Warner Brothers who almost got it right. With me this was almost, almost,
gah!... not quite there. I loved this movie when I was child, but as I grew older it lost everything. The magic, its effect, its value. Not because of the age, because it ages pretty good, that's just a shallow deduction, it didn't hold up simply because it wasn't that good after all. It's a lot of fun, but its still an odd movie, even odd for Burton's taste, and his version of Gotham while very gothic, was never dark and was still a bit colorful. The movie has a lot of flaws, for one that this became "The Joker! Featuring Batman", there was an actor who was big but not as big as Nicholson who carried a lot of clout and reputation. Nicholson's portrayal of the joker was excellent, I don't deny that, but this is Batman's movie and both get equal screen time, which is not how it goes. Batman is not a detective here, he's just a short man in a big costume he can't even turn his neck in, and then there's the bright yellow chest emblem, don't even get me started on that.

Joker did not kill Bruce's family, that's one of the vast changes made, and it was unnecessary motive, and an unnecessary way to link the two together showing the writers never had much faith in this in the first place. The aspect that linked The joker and Batman together was the jokers mysterious hold on Batman, his hold that sparked an obsession with Batman, not to mention the obsession with the joker on Batman because--he just can't make him laugh. And that's what connects them psychologically and that's why Joker has wrecked Batman's life in the comics, but we're given a weak link here. However, this is a lot of fun to watch as a casual movie-goer with Michael Keaton surprising many with his portrayal as a dark and threatening Bruce Wayne and an even more intimidating Batman. The film is beautifully directed, and the interplay between Batman and Joker is priceless. Some of the best dialogue is given to Nicholson which is sad, but he looks like he's having fun in the role. The action is taut, the atmosphere is electric and Burton seems to have a somewhat smooth idea of what the material is all about, and it's one of the coolest of the adaptations. It gives what it promises, Jack Nicholson by the barrel full with the occasional appearance of Batman.

BATMAN FOREVER - C-
Though this was the beginning of the damage done by Schumacher, there are some good aspects here if you look hard  enough. This is basically the beginning of the end with Batman almost purposely taking a back seat to the two main  villains of the movie. Before Nicole Kidman became Nicole Kidman, she was reduced to a bland therapist obsessed with
Batman who happens to infatuated with Bruce, ah the horror. Poor Nicole Kidman, this really is fiction when you're told to believe that she could be a therapist. Val Kilmer is the worst Batman actor I've ever seen. Let's just say if his acting were any more wooden, he'd have a father named Gepetto. This was simply Schumacher turning Batman from a leather clad superhero, to an S&M clad superhero. Val Kilmer with black turtle necks, slicked back hair, walking around Robin without a shirt and adopting him. Give me a break Joel, your hackery reaches no bounds, and I will never understand your appeal as a director. Other than a few good films to your filmography, you're just a hack who took the batman series much to literally or pretty much as a joke. I've seen comic book movies that haven't taken the source material seriously, trust me there are plenty, but this one was ridiculous.

Robin was ridiculously over aged and actually mutters a catch phrase of Robin's from the old Adam West series. Though many people thought it was just a clever reference to the series, I know it just Schumacher ridiculing this series with his vanity, a gun for hire who was just letting audiences know that he didn't take this stuff too seriously and he proved it. While Batman's character took a humongous backseat, the main characters ultimately became Two-Face and The Riddler who were incredibly over the top. Jim Carrey and Tommy Lee Jones don't just chew up the scenery, they take humongous bites and grind it while choking on it. Schumacher is like a lunatic with a bat in a china shop ruining everything in sight. The Riddler is this ridiculously psychotic moron who made Frank Gorshin look wooden, and Two-Face who was this psychotic mobster kingpin, this grim, extremely threatening head case whose own inner demons manifested in a second face of hideous scars, was sorely missed. In his place was this over the top, charismatic and idiotic wooden Tommy Lee Jones who wore colorful outfits like a maniacal Elton John. This was a pretty bad concoction of Schumacher's.

BATMAN & ROBIN - F
This was surely the final nail in the coffin for this franchise. This was the point in which this stopped becoming a dark grim crime thriller and turned into a bright, neon colored, spectacle with no brains, bad acting, very cheesy elements, and homosexual overtones galore. Hey, I have nothing against homosexuals, or homosexuality, but give me a break, this is batman, not Flesh Gordon. The batmobile suddenly became an obvious and immense phallic symbol, and Bruce Wayne suddenly became a handsome millionaire who has troubles with women and bunks up with a handsome young vulnerable man whom he walks around with bare-chested, who goes out at night and masquerades in tight muscle revealing leather with erect nipples, cod pieces, and ice skates... or maybe Schumacher is trying to tell us something about himself. After all, what we perceive is what we are. I'm assuming one of Schumacher's assistants told him the old joke about Batman being gay because he dressed in leather, dresses an orphan boy in bright costumes, and they hide in dark caves together, and suddenly Schumacher, vainly pondered "Hmm, they may have something there". Regardless this is an awful film, not only an awful comic movie, but an awful movie altogether. The detective aspect of Batman still isn't there, attention is taken away from his character once more in favor of Chris O'Donnell's pussy role as Robin, and Alicia Silverstone slurring her words in the most unbelievable of roles.

Plus we're given two more villains to take away spotlight from Batman, Arnold Schwarzenegger as Mr. Freeze in an awful role, and Uma Thurman in a ridiculous portrayal of Poison Ivy. Poison Ivy was this sexy, alluring, seductive heartbreaker whose kiss could kill a man, and here she looks like she stepped out of "Rocky Horror Picture Show". Then there's Mr. Freeze. Back in 1997, I loved this movie, and then I grew a brain. But even then I was embarrassed at Mr. Freeze. This is a man shattered by human cruelty, whose wife he's struggling to save. He's cold just like his emotions and mercy. But here, he's wearing fuzzy slippers, smoking cigars, orchestrating his henchmen to sing, and... spouting really bad one-liners. It's embarrassing. So, this is Batman, but it ends up being clogged with characters like Robin, Batgirl, Mr. Freeze, Bane, Elle McPherson, and Poison Ivy. What's worse is their costumes are even more camped up this time around as the costume designer sought out to add silver dashes to their costumes. This is fucking Batman, Batman must look like a creature and remain in the dark to put fear in to the hearts of criminals. Were this a performer in Six Flags, then that would be a different story altogether, but this is fucking batman, he's a trained assassin and ninja, what the hell does he need conspicuous silver on his costume for? Otherwise, there are so many other things wrong with this travesty. Cartoon action, far-fetched plot, plot holes, horrible acting, and a climax that just was groan inducing. I'm embarrassed just thinking about this movie.

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