|
"Put on some news, I
wanna hear about dead muthafuckas out there eating cops like it's a
barbecue!"
Yo son, check dis son, I’m from da Bronx son, and I just
finished watching “Gangs of the Dead.” See, what makes “Gangs of the
Dead” so clever is because it’s a double entendre, son. It ain’t just
gangs of the dead, it’s gangs,
as in groups of the dead. So it’s clever and not as stupid as y’all
think. So I sat here wit ma forty, and laughed ma nuts off, while firing
off ma glock. Naw, son, word is bond, I’m sick of zombie movies, son.
The zombies in here, they all look like nothing but filthy hobos and
alcoholics you see under the bridge in da streets. And wouldn’t you know
it, now we got a bunch of black stereotypes being haunted by those flesh
eating bastards, and I sit here trying to think of a reason not to turn
ma glock on my head… son. A meteor crashes in the city with nary a
police report, but this doesn’t stop the dead from rising.
|
Now, there is a Hispanic gang of stereotypes,
a black gang of stereotypes, officer stereotype, and a few
clichés trying to fight off the walking dead in a warehouse
during a heat wave. Hard out here for a pimp, eh? Three
convoluted subplots pollute the screen as an impending gang
war is interrupted by a police sting, and then the walking
dead intervene. No cliché is left unturned except for one.
Usually in gangster flicks I see the gangs gather in a
warehouse and drive their cars in, which would mean easy
escape once surrounded by the walking dead. |
|
 |
Instead, the cars are outside, and shit hits the fan.
Damn dumb
ass gangsters. Reggie Bannister is along for the ride as one of the
least convincing gang members and police officers I’ve ever seen, but
that’s toppled by the “massive” police sting made up of two cop cars,
and a small surveillance van. And there’s also my favorite one-liner of
the ninety minute suckfest: “Bums are eating cops out there, man.” The
fun just doesn’t stop there, this film is intent on sky rocketing every
racial cliché in the book, and there’s simply not enough story here.
So,
we’re forced to sit through endless dialogue about gang warfare, and the
gang members arguing amongst each other, while we watch the walking dead
eat the living… or as many of the living that are usually found near
warehouses. Not to mention, the film basically becomes a poor man's "Day
of the Dead" with Noel Gugliemi
going
incredibly over the top as the low grade Capt. Rhodes ordering folks
around, screaming at every step, and eventually meeting his fate at the
many hands of the walking dead. “Gangs of the Dead” takes itself way too seriously,
considering its awful title, and cheesy zombies, and that’s a shame. The
laughs here could have been planned, instead of unintentional, and
embarrassing.
It sucks hard, but then, what would you
expect from a movie with a title like “Gangs of the Dead”? Racial
stereotypes aplenty, utterly boring zombies, and a convoluted series of
unresolved sub-plots make up your typical terrible horror film for the
home video market. Every time I think zombie films are good, there’s
always something to bring me back to reality.
|
