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I have a strict rule with regards to my work at Cinema Crazed. I only
write reviews for new movies now in theaters, or for older movies if
they haven't already been reviewed by my boss or one of the other
reviewers on staff (with the exception of special events like the
Grindhouse Fest). I look at it like this: I could go on and on and wax
poetic about "The Covenant" if I want to, but there's really no point in
dredging up points about movies that are already covered here, and a lot
of the movies I watch are old news by the time I watch them, so I get to
kick back and not have to think too deeply about them or worry about
sounding cool and witty in a review later. I'm making an exception with
"Lady in the Water" though. I know this movie isn't the newest kid on
the block (hell, it isn't even Shyamalan's newest movie anymore) and the
review already on the site is a good one, but I just finished this movie
and I have some things I want to say about it.
Let's get this out of
the way right now: I loved this movie, I loved it right to pieces. It
made me laugh and it made me cry and I wanted to run out of the house
and tell people about it when it was finished. The review my boss wrote
is decidedly negative, but I don't think that he and I really differ
much in our opinions of the film, as stupid as that might sound. We both
loved the story and I can see what he's saying with all his problems
with the movie, I was just able to plug my ears and close my eyes and
sing really loud to block out the parts of the movie that didn't work
(more about those later) so I was left with an overwhelmingly positive
experience from watching the movie instead of a burned feeling from
seeing a bunch of shit mar a story I really liked.
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So what is the story? Well,
that's a good question. Right from the opening sequence
we're treated to a glimpse of a world that is full of
magical creatures, with a narrator delivering an origin
story about how the world came into being, and how magical
creatures used to interact with humans until humans lost the
ability to listen to them and became greedy and started
overtaking the world. The narrator goes on to say that
magical creatures still try to reach men to this day, but
men may have lost the ability to listen to them. |
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Right here, I was
already sucked in to the story and I was already crying. I'm a sucker
for origin stories. I sat enchanted like a little kid and watched the
rest of the story unfold. After the beginning narration is over with, we
meet several eccentric characters that inhabit an apartment complex, and
Paul Giamatti as their everyman landlord who stutters and seems meek and
timid. One night he hears a splash in the pool on the grounds of the
apartment building, and when he goes outside to investigate, he finds a
beautiful and exotic looking woman in the water who claims to be from
another land entirely. The rest of the story becomes more and more
fantastical as this woman talks about her land and the creatures that
inhabit it. Soon it turns out that she is a character from a fairy tale
and that she has a mission in this world, and that she needs help from
different people in the apartment complex in order to carry out her
mission.
Gradually, as
fantastical as this story is, the people in the apartment complex begin
to believe it and they are brought together as a community to try and
help this woman fulfill her mission. In the process, they learn things
about themselves and they grow and change, and it's everything a journey
story should be. A little heavy handed, but that's the way journey
stories are, and I was swept up in the tale as it unfolded and I was so
enthralled with what was happening onscreen that I was able to ignore a
whole lot of caveats along the way. In fact, aside from some unnecessary
and unfunny comic relief and Shyamalan writing himself an overlong role
in the film, I loved every minute. It's not that Shyamalan is a bad
actor per se, it's just that he seems to always cast himself in some
pivotal role and it really irks me to have to keep seeing him play yet
another wise sage or savior character. All that aside, this is an
engaging story with cool, eccentric characters, and it was so much fun
from beginning to end that I can't wait to watch it again.
Why why WHY do screenwriters insist on having scenes in their movie that
undermine the film? Why do they write inside jokes into their films that
fall flat? Do they just enjoy running around giggling like grade
schoolers saying "hee hee hee, that was a joke, I'm smart, see, hee hee
hee"? Because I for one DON'T appreciate it. In the case of this movie,
there's an entire CHARACTER that exists only to be an inside joke; he
stands on the outside of the story and mocks the things that are
happening while they're happening. No, I'm not kidding. Are you laughing
yet? There's this lush, beautiful story and world being created, and
then there's this annoying guy hanging around mucking things up like
that asshole who sits in the movie theater and points out things that
are wrong with the movie and you just want to punch the fuck out of his
face. Why have a character like that here in this film? Why blunt the
impact of your own movie like that? Do you just think you're so cool you
want to remind everyone that you know this is a movie, it's not real,
and you're the director and you can do anything you want, so you're
going to put a character and a scene like this in the movie for no
reason just to piss people off? Because it's not cool or cute or funny,
it's stupid and pointless and it does nothing but ruin the atmosphere.
FYI, It also doesn't
make you look smart. It makes you look like a tool and a douchebag and
I'm sure that wasn't what you were going for, Shyamalan. You should have
known better. Scratch that, you DO know better, you just don't give a
shit. But if you want people to keep watching your movies you'll quit
writing yourself huge roles in them and including "comic relief" that
fucks up an otherwise cool idea. You know what I'm going to do? I'm
going to buy this movie, copy it onto my computer, get some digital
editing software, and create a copy of this movie for myself where the
annoying omniscient character doesn't exist. Take THAT Shyamalan, that's
what you get for acting like a hack and a blowhard. I hope that with
"The Happening" you shaped up some. If not, I'm sicking a fucking Scrunt
on your ass.
Minus a million points
for bad, smug choices, but plus two million points for giving me such a
cool and interesting and different story to watch. As soon as Shyamalan
stops obsessing over how cool he is and sticks to making good movies
again, we'll all be good.
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