Um, not much. Mark Wahlberg proves yet again to be better than the material presented to him with this picture. To sum up the story: Max's wife and child are killed by amped up druggies. Max goes into the Cold Case unit to find out who did it. It's a video game adaptation with similar story points to the Punisher, Outlaw Josey Wales, Death Wish, and about a million other comics, movies, books, and everything else.

But Wahlberg does a pretty decent job with what he's given. He portrays the brooding cop with a dark sense of doom and gloom that could use a little more Boogie Nights and a little less Four Brothers.

Besides this, the endless stream of where did I see that person from and what the hell is that person doing in this movie made it somewhat enjoyable. Obviously, everyone knows Earl Hickey's dad (the criminally underused Beau Bridges) is in this movie as a confidante and friend to Max. But then we get to see Donal Logue (from GOD knows how many random movies like Blade, Tao of Steve, the TV show Grounded for Life, Ghost Rider, and thousands of other things) plays Max's ex-partner. And his wife is played by Nelly Furtado (I'm Like A Bird). That was a funny part in the movie. Too bad she's AWFUL in it.

Seeing Chris "Ludacris" Bridges in this movie made me sad. As great as he was in Crash, he was wasted in this movie. Nothing good for him to do. I really just wanted him to say Move Bitch to someone, but alas, nothing.

Chris O'Donnell is in a strange extended cameo as an executive, as is Meredith Grey's mom from Grey's Anatomy (found that out later). The new Bond love interest, the ringer for the "bad" team from Benchwarmers (currently on Prison Break, wonder if that's the FOX connection), Mila Kunis, and another FOX connection, the guy who plays Jimmy from Rescue Me shows up as an FBI agent.

Funny story, that actor, James McCaffrey, who is uncredited in his role, played the voice of Max in the video games. So that's the fun little touch they give the fans of the game. Too bad there's not much else.

The entirety of the movie. Why is it that Fox wastes fine actors that they put in their TV shows by putting them in these movies. It's almost like they need an actor so they court someone who's on break from one of their shows (Mila, McCaffrey, the guy from Prison Break, hell, wasn't Grounded for Life on Fox?). Look at AVP: Requiem. EVERYONE from that movie, for the most part, had been in a Fox series at the time or is now. It's ridiculous.

And that's generally nothing against those actors. They gotta get paid. I assume that's why Wahlberg took the role of Max, why Luda shows up, why ANYONE is in this movie. Because it's pointless.

But beyond that, the blatant rip-offs to Sin City (the way the city is filmed, Mila's entire character, the guy with the sword stalking Max everywhere he goes, the camera angles, shot compositions, special effects), everything seems lifted from Sin City only in more color. Which is a waste. Max Payne was a great video game. The second one, not so much, but it was still better than this.

The idea of the plot being the same from the first game is fine, for the rest of the theater who's never played the game. But being a fan of the first game, I felt like I deserved more. Like us fans deserved more. But the first problem was making a Mature rated video game a PG-13 movie was the first sign of defeat.

And there are a number of other problems. The ham-fisted dialogue. Mila Kunis being a badass one second and within a scene changing to a needy love interest. The Super-druggie Max fights being put down SO easily with just one bullet after taking at least 6 earlier and still living to tell the tale. The cops thinking Max was dirty and was the killer of his ex-partner and his wife and kid and then letting him WALK THROUGH THEIR PRECINCT AND NOT STOPPING HIM?

What the FUCK?

It's just plain sad. And to add insult to injury, they feel the need to redeem Max at the end of the movie and set up a sequel. The bane of my continued existence, the after the credits scene. Goddammit.

Do not waste your hard-earned cash on this piece of celluloid trash. Stay home and watch Jeremiah Johnson, Death Wish 1-18, any one of the Punisher movies, Oldboy, or any other Revenge film that's been made before this. Being the crappy video game to movie translation just like anything Uwe Boll does, Street Fighter, the Resident Evils, and most others, just stay home and play the game. For every Mortal Kombat, there is an Annihilation. For every Silent Hill, there is a Max Payne. Rent any of Wahlberg's previous movies (including the revenge-tinged Shooter) and you'll be doing yourself a favor. Stay far, far away.