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I
remember when I was a kid and going to the movies was an
amazing event. My dad would call and tell my sister and
I to be ready by a certain hour and we’d wait with such
anticipation. I also remember waiting for the weekends
as a child. Friday was always rental night and I always
aspired to be scared so I would of course pick Horror
films to do the trick. My teen years left less much to
desired. Films like “Scream” and “I Know What You Did
Last Summer” filled the theaters with people that
thought they knew and understand Horror due to the
“rules.” The big screen event turned from fun to lame,
especially since none of these films appealed to my
friends and I. So our "popcorn nights" were filled with
video rentals and further exploration of the B kind.
Years later I reflect on those days and think about all
the films now and wonder where did all the fun in big
screen Horror go?
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I suppose I
can rant on about the hebetudinous flaws
Hollywood is making with their never ending
slew of remakes and bastardization of films
we all hold sacred and dear to our hearts,
but that would be repetitive and redundant.
Ranting on about a plague with no cure can
prove to be a waste of time especially since
there is such a vast area of media
procreated zombies that live on the notion
of remakes making the films “better.”
Instead I’d rather focus on the heart of it
all, the fact that there is no fun in
mainstream horror and that’s why there are
so many failed attempts in trying to win
over cult audiences. Let’s take a quick
second to over view cinema. The past had
Drive-in’s, stink-o-vision, and 3-D. We’ve
had movie events of classics where fans
would dress up as their favorite character
in the film and would re-enact the film in
the theater. People would enjoy the show. |
There
were films with great plots and films with no plots that
were still great. Now a trip to the movies is just a
cognizant memoir of the hard earned money we’re spending
on something that we’re rather sure is going to be a
disappointment. There’s an over abundance of 3-D flops
being force fed to the mainstream and the majority will
eat the wretched maggot feedings and like it. At most
we’ll get a premiere that’s semi fun but can lead to
disappointment once the film does not meet it’s over
hyped expectations. Finally, the biggest thing all must
remember so some fun can return to Horror is it's
not meant to be realistic. Sure films that can
hit a certain closeness to home will shock and appall
the masses, but how is anyone supposed to enjoy the fun
of anything in the genre if every dick behind a camera
is focusing too hard on the realism of the film rather
than the entertainment factor of the film? Look at some
of the greatest directors of all time that fed us blood
and guts, great story lines and cheesy acting. That’s
what made the films of yesteryear so great. Now we get
flat actors/actresses in over glorified video music
style remakes for the bubble gum pop generation of tech
whore’s. If I’m watching a film I don’t care for the
emphasis on the phone or computer the person is using or
any other form of short changed advertisement they’re
forced to throw in to look “cool.”
| I know all
the cliché babble I’m going to get for those
that gladly swallow loads of conglomerate
man juice for breakfast and buy what they
say is right for them, then two years down
the road forget the existence of the film
only to have something of the similar ilk
released and fed to them as something “new”
and “fresh.” Listen to your fat pocket
Hollywood critics and your pseudo anti
Hollywood horror movie websites that glorify
the imminent destruction of such classic
masterpieces, or sell you the idea of this
remake or re-imagination as being an
original film. Go to your local multiplex
and get a short changed experience for your
$12.50 or whatever the damn ticket cost now.
Be happy; be satisfied that your movie
experience was worth what Hollywood thinks
you’re worth: Nothing. |
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Once in
a while you’ll get a free cup, or poster or something of
the like. If you make the premiere then, oh man, you’re
golden. Sad that it’s only at a premiere that the film
is an experience where as in my childhood every weekend
at the theater felt like a premiere. Lines stretched
around corners, people discussed the anticipation of the
film and got exactly what they paid for. Are people so
blind that they do not see anything wrong with this?
These days you have to have parents that have spoken
about memories like this. My rant isn’t to you the fans
at all, it’s not for all of us to up and protest
Hollywood and scream out against remakes and so on. It’s
towards Hollywood for being the hooker we pay to sleep
with and she slips us a roofie and runs off with our
money. Hollywood is like a strip club you pay to see
something good at. But are you completely satisfied when
you leave the strip club? We can’t make light out of
something disappointing,
Horror
was never meant to be “sophisticated” or “realistic.”
Horror was meant to desensitize and shock people, scare
them, and make them laugh. Horror was meant to be like
the drunk girl at a college frat party: wild,
outrageous, out of control and fun to watch. While
certain hints of realism are a plus, I want my weird
monsters or killers that run amuck with no reasoning
what so ever just like they did in the good old days.
Since I know that’s very unlikely at least I know my
standards are met with the independent horror circuit.
If Hollywood isn’t going to wise up, the nice fat
pocketed people should at least offer a few more Indie
theaters for the true fans that want great horror and
great cinema in general. Not trying to completely bad
mouth Hollywood films because there are a few excellent
films put out yearly, but nothing beats the fans of the
cult whom come out line up in complete unity discuss
their favorite movies, recite their favorite lines and
have fun watching a good film. |
