|
In this movie, one of the character that we watch over two agonizing
hours dies, horribly, and in agony.
This movie is an antecedent. When I
say that it’s an antecedent, I mean the prelude phrase in an if-then
statement by the aspiring creator.
If
Hide and Seek was made, why the hell can’t I make movies in Hollywood.
In
this uninspired movie based upon a single, unoriginal twist you see
coming in the first ten minutes, Robert DeNiro phones it in and Dakota
Fanning plays a kid with absolutely no common sense.
The
long and short of it is that we see Dakota’s mom commit suicide, but a
mysterious entity instead seems to be wanting to attack and kill his
father as well. You’re supposed to think it’s a ghost, but since we’ve
all seen this movie eighteen times in the last ten years, from "Along
Came A Spider" to "Gothika" to whatever other safe and middle class “get
slightly scared but never do anything powerful” kind of story you get
gypped into renting by virtue of the fact that it has the dude from Taxi
Driver in it, you’re not really fooled.
There
was another movie I was going to site where these people from the
suburbs move into a house in the country and get chased by an entity
that reveals itself in the last ten minutes and gets killed, but for the
life of me, and I can remember infinite minutae, for the life of me I
can’t recall it. And honestly, there’s a reason. This movie exemplifies
the kind of fodder that gets put out because a name is attached.
This
movie was made to capitalize on the name of Robert DeNiro. The worst
part? DeNiro’s complicit, and I respect the man.
Most
people can turn a movie off in the middle if it sucks. I fail at that,
mostly because I’ve seen good things jump up out of nowhere.
Don’t
expect that with this one.
The
alternate endings are a joke, and for the whole movie you just want to
smack Dakota and say, “Look, if you’re a good kid, quit being complicit
to murder.” But because this movie knows you’ll only watch it once, and
because this movie doesn’t care about internal consistency, she never
does.
Don’t rent this. Rent Crash. Promise, you’ll enjoy it.
|
