This past weekend I went to the movies
and viewed 'The Black Dahlia' and noticed a severe lack of people at
the movies on a Friday night. I remember on Friday nights when the
parking lot was full, the theaters cramped, and it was a happening
atmosphere. People were excited, energetic, and had to see movies on
opening night. This time the people who were at the movies seemed
angry, uninterested, and lethargic.
Just how did this occur?
I took a look at the box office numbers last weekend and it was
embarrassing. I'm not going to blame kids being back in school or
anything of that nature. Since I recall last year during the same
time lots of people were at the movies. So there has to be a
problem, but the only question is what? Why have people stopped
going to the movies? Where is everyone at? Isn't the allure of
seeing it on the big screen special?
Let's start with the choice of movies that we have. The theater that
is 5 minutes from my house is only playing 7 movies. We have the
choice of 'Barnyard: The Original Party Animals.' No disrespect to
Barnyard animals, but I'm not knocking over kiddies to see this one.
I'll wait for the DVD. We have 'The Covenant.' This looks to be
avoided at all costs. Even on DVD.
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'Everyone's Hero' is another
kids movie showing at my local cinema. Being that I have
no kids and am a single guy, this film is not being
viewed. Now it is time for every ones favorite kind of
films: Inspirational sports movies! 'Invincible' and
'Gridiron Gang' have enough football to keep you happy.
When I can see football every weekend, why do I go to
the movies to see it? Exactly, I don't.
'The Wicker Man' is also showing. It is showing, but I'm
not seeing. I've had more than my healthy share of PG-13
horror films. Lastly, 'The Black Dahlia', which I did
see. Not much to pick from, huh? Not like we are
deciding on 'Pulp Fiction' or 'Forrest Gump.' It is easy
to see why everyone is staying home and saving their
money. |
Did I mention money?
You want to go in the afternoon? Fork over $7.50. You want to go
at night? Fork over $9.75. You want to go on a date? Bring out
the check book, it will cost you. I hope you ate beforehand. If
not, you'll end up paying 6 bucks for a popcorn and 6 bucks for
a pop. It is about a 40-50 dollar investment, with gas included,
to see a movie. To see a movie that might be a piece of junk.
How about being in the theater itself?
You have gum on your
seat, popcorn all over, and a place that is likely less clean
than your local dumpster. The people themselves are not always
the best. You have your people who talk too much. Your couple
who can't stop making out. Your crying baby's. Cell phones going
off often. Do you have a headache? I know I do just thinking
about it.
Most people say I'll save myself the headache and the cash, and
just wait for the DVD. View it in my own house, make my own
popcorn, and see it with my friends. People I can stand. On my
own TV. I can fast forward the annoying 100 commercials and
trailers they show. For Cingular, for TV shows, and for cars. I
thought we were at the movies?
Now, I'm a solution oriented guy. So I came up with Farinella's
Top 10 ways to improve the theater experience. Here they are:
10) Offer a family
night at the movies. Where kids and parents can go for a cheap
affordable price. Offer 4 tickets for 20 dollars on family
night. That can get in one mom, one dad, and two kids. Parents
and kids bring in a huge audience, allow them to go without
having to sell their house or mortgage it two times.
9) Hire knowledgeable movie employees. If I don't go to the
movies often, I want someone who can tell me what is good, what
to see, and whose in the film. I'm not asking for a Roger Ebert
at the movies. I'm just asking for someone who works at the
movies to at least know about MOVIES. Not just rip tickets like
a robot could easily do.
8) If you talk too much during the movie or have a crying baby,
you get one warning. If you do it again, you are gone. Simple as
that. I want a buff security guard in every theater. I don't
want some pimply faced high school student saving up money for a
car. I want Hulk Hogan tossing peoples ass out.
7) On opening night for big movies offer a prize for the first
25 people in line. If you are seeing 'Saw 3' on opening night
give the hardcore people waiting in line an hour before the
movie something to enjoy. Give them a poster from the film. Give
them something. Show them their dedication and waiting in line
is appreciated.
6) Show more independent films at mainstream theaters. Please
don't make us travel downtown to see a 'Half Nelson' or 'Down in
the Valley' movie. Let us see it at the local cinema. To see
those films, you have to pay for parking, and deal with downtown
traffic. No wonder nobody sees them. I bet if people were
allowed to see them locally, they would.
5) No more than 3 trailers shown before a film. That should be
sufficient. No need to show commercials. We seen enough of those
trying to watch Football on Sundays. We go to the movies to
avoid that kind of nonsense.
4) The movie WILL start on time. If it starts 10 minutes late,
you get a refund. If the movie has technical problems of any
kind, you get a refund. I don't like showing up for a 10:35
movie and it starts at 10:50.
3) Sell merchandise. I am always interested in movie posters,
t-shirts, or any movie memorabilia. Being the movie nerd that I
am. I bet people would show up just to buy a poster for a film.
The studio and the theater can split the profits.
2) Sell healthy foods. I like to eat while watching a movie. I
also don't like eating at the movies and seeing my calorie
intake get tripled by the greasy foods. I'm not saying sell
carrots, but something that won't make me regret it in the
morning would be nice.
1) Clean up your bathrooms. I'll just say I'm lucky to not have
received AIDS from some of the bathrooms I have seen at the
movies. They are revolting to say the least.
Will anyone listen to my ideas?
Probably not.
But as a movie fan it is just as much fun bitching about the
theater experience as it is the movie.
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