I used to hate the movie “Hellraiser.” Seriously. True facts. I was never allowed to watch it growing up, so when I started college and got back into watching horror movies I sought it out and rented it with all the expectations in the world. I got it home, put it in...and I hated it. I was so let down that it pissed me off. Thinking I must have missed something I even watched it again a few months later, and I STILL hated it. So I wrote it off as one of those movies that everyone hypes up that ends up not being as good as they say it is and figured I'd leave it at that. But Hellraiser is one of those movies that permeates the horror subculture so much that I couldn't avoid it and I ended up buying it and its first sequel just to have them in my collection, and as I watched them more and more they eventually grew on me. So much so that I wondered why I had ever hated them. I couldn't figure that out. I now loved the movies so much that I hyped them up to a friend of mine who trusted everything I said and agreed to watch them with me without knowing anything about them. And watching them with him was an enlightening experience. When he saw the original, the first moment that we saw the cenobites walk onscreen, he gasped.

That was a big moment for me. Seeing his excitement and his shock at the effects of the movie that had eluded me, I saw how jaded and cynical I had become. I had a similar moment with that friend when we first watched the original
Halloween together. When the opening murder scene is over and young Michael Myers steps onto the porch and his
parents remove his mask, my friend gasped and said “It's a little kid!” I can't remember a time I didn't know that Michael Myers is a little kid when he commits the first murders in that movie. It took me aback to see someone enjoying the movie in a way I never had because I knew so much of the story coming into the experience. It honestly made me long for a time when I could watch movies with the same enthusiasm I had when I was a kid before I knew so much about movies; back when I just knew that I loved watching them.

Similarly, though I've always loved the movie Halloween, I love it even more now that I've gained an appreciation for how it can shock someone who doesn't come into it expecting its every twist and move. This has been an important lesson for me. I'm at a stage in my life where I've seen so many movies that it's very difficult for me to be shocked, surprised, or fooled anymore. I judge every movie against my impressions of it, my expectations for it, and my knowledge and love of other movies like it. I figure out surprise killers and twist endings hours before they appear onscreen, and all this can put a big damper on my enjoyment of the movie. And that's not necessarily a bad thing. I'm proud of my love of movies and how that colors and shapes my life. I'm an encyclopedia of useless information about movies, directors, and actors; I have a movie line memorized for almost every occasion; I argue with my friends and debate every small and minute detail of films and filmmaking; and I like it that way. I like being a film fanatic. I like annoying my friends when I figure out the surprise ending to a movie long before it happens.

Now when I watch movies I try to let all that go. I try to watch them with the same giddy enthusiasm I had when I saw a kid, sneaking downstairs late at night to watch horror movies when my mom was asleep. I love arguing every little nuance of every movie and using my film geek knowledge to deconstruct everything I watch, but I also love just watching movies, so now I try to keep a balance between those two extremes so that I have fun with the experience every time I watch a movie. I think I've even become a better critic now. I've certainly become a better fan now that I've learned to love movies, even some movies that everyone else seems to hate, because I watch them through new eyes, like a kid again.