I have to say, I’m biased, but the only real highlight of “The Perfect Man” is Vanessa Lengies who—if you ever saw “American Dreams”—gives a damn good supporting performance, and is miles talented beyond Duff. She’s the cliché, but utterly likable friend of the blonde moron who helps her in her endeavor to give her cold fish of a mom a man, and Lengies takes a mild role and turns it into a stand out performance. Too bad, we’ve yet to see her in a film that tests her talents.

If the question of why Hillary Duff keeps getting work doesn’t baffle you enough, then the concept of “The Perfect Man” being a basic remake of “Mermaids” AND “Sleepless in Seattle” should take the cake. There’s really nothing I could find that was remotely enjoyable or watchable with Duff’s newest piece of crap, but I just have to keep wondering why she keeps getting work.

Is it because she’s good looking? She’s not so much anymore since she’s decided to become a creepy clone of her sister. The Duff we once knew was a terrible actress and singer, but at least she was fun to look at, and now that she’s taken that away, she’s just a creepy looking blonde with no talent. I mean I understand trying to look like someone when emulating them, but going through actual physical changes is just plain creepy, and damaging, when you consider Duff is trying to keep her “career” going. “The Perfect Man” is basically a summing up of Duff’s career. Underwhelming, unoriginal, cheesy, and an utter waste of time. Keep in mind, we’re supposed to like Duff’s character, and hate her mom, yet the “writers” twist the script inadvertently, making Locklear’s character much more interesting, and her daughter and selfish petulant brat.

“The Perfect Man” is a series of ridiculous, stupid, and brutally idiotic plot devices, and sappy dialogue that I could barely sit through, and at a presumptuous 105 minutes, I can’t see anyone really enjoying this. Holly’s mom is a cold fish who leaves town every time one of her boyfriends dumps her. Now moving to Brooklyn, Holly makes friends with a school girl and creates a fake love interest to keep her mom pinned down for a while, but then quirky misunderstandings occur, and we’re suppose to ignore the stupid plot holes, and lack of competent characterization. In one apparent plot hole, Holly calls her mom selfish and self-centered, yet she imposes on people she just met, gets her new friend to drive herself out of her mind, interrupts and ruins a wedding, changes the life of a stranger she just met, and takes advantage of a guy who is in love with her treating him like crap for most of the film.

“The Perfect Man” is more sentimental and sappy than it has the right to be, I mean for a plot like this that has zero logic, or sense, it’s obvious that, for a blonde, bubble headed, untalented flake, Duff (and her entourage) takes herself way too seriously. If you’re trying to keep your constantly moving mom in one place, why do you invent a man who lives in another country? Why is Holly’s friend Amy so intent on helping her, and getting herself into so much trouble just to please her? What was the point of Mike O’Malley’s sub-plot, what was the point of the youngest daughter’s sub-plot? What’s the point of anything in this film? And the writers shamelessly fling around clichés by the barrel full, and you eventually begin to wonder if this is actually a spoof of a romantic comedy.

The characters break into monologues about love and life set to an adult contemporary rock score at least ten times during the film, there are many montages, just to connect with us young folks, the character Holly blogs throughout the film, but really it’s an excuse to add lazy narration to a lazy story, and it’s hilarious to hear the quasi-New York accents from the supporting cast. Nawt aww Noo Yawkahs tawk like dis! And worst of all, there’s even a moment where the three girls break into a dance routine to music on the radio. Who does that?! Can you just put my head under water until I stop struggling, please? Someone? Anyone?

So, if you’re keeping track, all of Duff’s starring films have been really, really bad. I’ve yet to see an actual watchable, smart, well acted film from this blonde cardboard cut out, and “The Perfect Man” is no exception. It’s a stale, ridiculous, horrible piece of shitty regurgitation that really shows that when it comes to being white, blonde and blue eyed, you’ll always have work.

• The lead singer in the Styx tribute band is actually the lead singer Dennis De Young.

[   Shop   |   Link to Us   |   FAQ   |   Top^   ]
All written reviews material and content are a copyright of Felix Vasquez Jr. and Cinema Crazed.
Content borrowed without written permission will not be permitted.

¤ ¤ ¤