My love for The Room has not been an easy road. It took months of fine tuning, refinement, some conformity and skipping doses of my meds to get down to the level of Tommy Wiseau and his unmitigated cult masterpiece. Whether you've seen the movie in its true form. Whether you've seen it play on the April Fool's Day airings on cable television here in America. Whether you were there during the great tirade of Wiseau on online critics, "The Room" and its charms are almost impossible to ignore. A movie so bad, so inept, so unbelievably painful, it's almost impossible to comprehend anyone thought it would be great on-screen, "The Room" is a film I constantly quote to this day--ohai Mark! Whether or not you want to believe the cult clout for this was intentional or not is up to you, but that's the mystery of "The Room" and the allure. It's like sitting through a night club magic act and watching the magician flub through one gag after the other until eventually you look around wondering "Is he really this bad, or is this some sort of performance art?"

Maybe somewhere deep down in the excesses of a boil within the black hole in the Andromeda Galaxy there is a good movie to be had about a man whose wife refuses to stop boning his friend Mark. There's something about a young man who just can not stop watching them have sex. There's a woman who refuses to die from cancer. There's a sub-plot about drugs that goes nowhere. There's a visit to the flower shop! And there's a heavy fixation--and almost a near fetishizing--of football and formal tuxedos. It's almost as if director Tommy Wiseau had no idea what Americans did on their free time and just assumed they threw footballs around in dark alleys and large public parks. And he used this as a form of method acting and improv that fails on all conceivable levels. Who actually plays football without actually playing the game? Wiseau shows the audience how! And how do you construct the most restrained outbursts of all time while mimicking chickens? Wiseau shows his audience how!