Once Shaolin Soccer ended I knew right away:  This was officially my ‘What the Fuck?’ movie of the month. I know it won all kinds of awards in Hong Kong, but, personally, I just didn’t get it. Despite my own lack of understanding, this film seemed like the type that would have a strong cult following. Somewhere out there hoards of fans were preaching the word of Shaolin Soccer: ‘You gotta see this movie! It’s so awesome.’ I know, because I was the same way with a few films, the most recent being Napoleon Dynamite. I really loved that movie and thought everyone else should too. But the fact of the matter is, just like Napoleon Dynamite, Shaolin Soccer is the type of movie you either really love or really hate. I fell into the latter category.

C’mon. A fat guy who really likes food? Are you serious? A man dressed up as a woman who happens to be picking his/her nose? God, please make it stop. It was like the writers broke out all the old gags thinking that the audience would believe they were fresh and novel. I’m really surprised a rubber chicken never appeared on screen. Don’t get me wrong, I can enjoy watching a guy getting kicked in the balls just as much as the next guy, but to watch it over and over again and still expect me to think it is funny is just insulting.

The acting wasn’t any better. Were they overacting? Were they under acting? Was anybody even trying? When Stephen Chow, who played the lead role of ‘Mighty Steel Leg’ (and also wrote and directed the film), went around trying to reunite his five brothers to play soccer, almost every brother overreacted. They contorted their faces, yelled, cried and even threatened their brother for bothering them. ‘No thanks’ or ‘I can’t, I’m busy’ could’ve done the trick, but I guess crying is another option. I understand that these reactions may have been done for comedic purposes, but if they’re not funny, then at least let them make some sense.

This movie just didn’t do it for me. The jokes were played out, the acting was exaggerated and the storyline disjointed. I am typically a fan of quirky and odd films, but not this time. Stephen Chow gorged himself on slapstick humor and Matrix action leftovers and shit out Shaolin Soccer. My advice: just flush it away.