The Suicide Girls has been a brand name for some incredible models who go against the grain of mundane beauty. But beyond their novelty website, everything else is just terrible. "Suicide Girls Must Die" includes the formula that director Sawa Suicide repeats throughout the course of ninety minutes. There's a montage of photo shoots, obligatory conflict occurs between two or more models, there is some hint as to danger looming, someone disappears, and the girls run around screaming for their friends. Someone cries, someone talks to the camera whimpering about how horrified they are, lather, rinse, roll closing credits. Hot Goth women donning tattoos and stone cold glowers does not intimate a potentially excellent horror film of any kind, and if you're going to try to bring in the cash flow with a horror vehicle, at least get someone who knows what to do with these gorgeous women who can set them down in to a proper horror motif and provide fans with an amazing genre experience. This isn't it.

This is one of the few times I've felt compelled to look away from the Suicide Girls as "Suicide Girls Must Die!" is a miserable shrill genre experience with no scares, no tension, no suspense, no moments of sheer terror, and a lot of gorgeous women trying to act their asses off and failing painfully. Stick to what you know: Modeling and looking gorgeous. The world has enough aspiring actors.