Um, yeah. Look, I'm not going to write under the pretense that this is a normal movie review, because it's really not. Typically I'd start by telling you what's good about this movie, and then move on to telling you what's bad, and then I'd sum up, but I just don't think that format is going to work here. I should explain. A friend of mine who happens to be as obsessed with movies as I am has started making movies of his own, and as you can imagine, the nifty title "Teenagers Torturing Toys" is pretty descriptive of the contents of the finished film. Basically, he and his friends hung around and filmed themselves doing unspeakable things to stuffed animals. I'm reminded of the tagline for the schlocky splatter classic "Pieces": "It's exactly what you think it is."

First of all, the trailers at the beginning of the movie were hilarious. I almost wanted to pull my hair out during the preview for "Attack of the Killer Warthog" because the narrator says "Attack of the Killer Warthog" in an ominous voice approximately fifty seven times during the trailer and it got pretty annoying after awhile, but after the minor annoyance wore off, I had to admit it was pretty funny, and I couldn't stop giggling. If nothing else, that means I'm as deranged as the guys who made this movie. It's good to know I'm not alone. I also have to say that the music for this movie is pretty impressive. I wasn't expecting it to sound so professional (no offense, guys).

There is a sports interlude right in the middle of the toy torturing action. Think "Jackass" meets "Dodgeball." It's pretty funny, I'm not going to lie, though a great majority of the population would find it abhorrent and offensive (those people really aren't the target audience for this movie anyway, though, and what they'd be doing watching a movie called "Teenagers Torturing Toys" is a mystery to me). I suppose that if people managed to find a copy of this movie and watch it, those who didn't get it or thought it was stupid would just shrug and walk away, but I'm pretty sure a lot of people would also be offended by the movie. It IS kind of disturbing watching the amount of time these guys spent stabbing and slashing and even stoning innocent toys. Not disturbing in the sense that the movie really has a plot or a storyline or anything (it's not even trying for that) but disturbing because, well, it IS deranged and violent, and these ARE young people (do you know where your children are? They're out in the backyard torturing toys).

One key component that's obviously getting lost here is that the first word in the title of this movie is "Teenagers." That should indicate right away that the movie is going to be amateurish (not that there's anything wrong with that. I laughed. But then I never claimed to be mature). It might be disturbing to see young people ripping and slashing into toys, but wouldn't you rather they do that than shoot up their school? This is more creative and far less destructive, right? Besides, horror movies are all about the subversive and strange, and I'm actually proud of these guys when they pan away from torturing a toy to show an American flag, and one of them says "And that's why we love America." They even show that they recognize the danger of what they're doing when one of them says "If you cut your hand off, it's not my fault," or when they're burning a toy and the cameraman says "Dude, you're actually gonna do this? I ain't looking." Yes, the cameraman talks. A lot. Just go with it.

I can't shake the feeling that we're watching what the guys from "Jackass" would have done as teenagers, if they'd thought of it. Hell, it's something I would have done when I was a teenager. I'm actually kind of pissed that I didn't think of this first. This movie isn't for most people, so if the idea offends you, don't watch it. Yes, it's annoying and immature and gross and disgusting and subversive and disturbing and sometimes kind of boring. Sue me. I had fun.