This is from the morons who brought us "Epic Movie," "Disaster Movie," and "Meet the Spartans." Do I need to explain myself anymore? Do I really? If it were up to me I'd just leave you with this whole string of sentences and that'd be about it, but then what's the point of even reading this review? If you want to watch "Vampire Sucks" take every single god forsaken "Twilight" spoof you've ever seen on Youtube, FunnyorDie, and YTMD, mash them together and sit through it. I guarantee that you'll laugh more in that compilation that you ever will here. I laughed more in that picture of Bella and Edward with Blade in the background preparing to pounce than I ever did here! Not surprisingly "Vampires Suck" is a god fucking awful movie, probably one of the worst movies I've seen all year. And I sat through "Cop Out"! What Friedberg and Seltzer do here is what they've done since the beginning. They make observations that everyone already has, they point out the obvious that everyone already has, they make jokes about themselves pointing out the obvious, and then joke about making jokes about themselves pointing out the obvious.

It must be like watching mentally disabled Beavis and Butthead playing Mad Libs. There is the trio of vampires being mistaken for the Black Eyed Peas (in which they mock the band for at least five minutes), they riff on Mixed Martial arts (because apparently this is 2005), and the most comic legitimacy they can warrant is casting one of the co-stars to "That's So Raven" to interrupt Bella's meeting with Edward to point out the obvious clichés that were obvious to about everyone with a brain--and "Twilight" fans. I doubt even the most forgiving booster of those books will even remotely find anything interesting here as it just plays out the first film beat by beat with dashes of homoerotica and self-aware jabs that go nowhere, all the while mocking Twilight fans enough to bring them in to see the movie without ever really offending them at all.

Jacob chases a cat barking like a dog, a crippled Native American wrestles with Bella's father, Edward juggles a baby and a bowling ball, Edward saves Bella from an oncoming car while killing a poor bystander. Laughing yet?