Boobs. Some sword-fighting. The final song in the trailer (Tender by Blur). Umm, did I mention boobs? Oh yeah, and Christopher Egan as the priest/kinda priest was alright.

Where do I start? Hayden Christensen has to this point managed a pass with me. I gave him a pass and blamed the failure of the Star Wars sequels on George Lucas, not his wooden acting. He was great, SUPERB even in Shattered Glass and Life as a House. So what happened? He's terrible in this movie. And he was one of the reasons I wanted to watch this. Him and Tim Roth.

And it's pretty sad. Really. Hayden is bad. He gets to fondle a bunch of boobs and asses, which was probably great for him with this role, and he didn't have to say much in the film either (as for a time period, he was acting deaf and mute). Strange. So very strange. And the less said about the bad VERY VERY bad accents he and Mischa and most of the cast have to try and play around with throughout this film, the better. In fact, the less said about Mischa, the better.

So we move on. Probably better than Disaster Movie (okay, I'm sure I'd think this was in the upper echelons of filmmaking if I had to watch Disaster Movie), but it's pretty sad as it is. The bad acting, the horribly sad accents, and the utter cock-tease of the movie just makes it frustrating.

It can't decide what it wants to be. Something of a farce at times, mocking sexual stereotypes and the sexual comedy romps/teen sex comedies of the 90s and still going today, then being a movie about sword-fighting, and then just being a straightforward softcore porn without the porn and just the nudity, it's a frustrating movie watching experience.

The best news: I saw this in one of those Redbox things to rent at like Wal-Mart or McDonald's. Laughed at loud thinking some kid who really liked the Star Wars movies getting his mom to rent this movie for him and getting his first viewing of breasts for only a dollar at McDonald's. Hilarious.

Just watch Cinemax after 11 on a Saturday and you'll probably get better acting and better sex too. It's more worth your time to rent a movie where Hayden acts and where Tim Roth acts (Shattered Glass for Hayden, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead for Roth) and just steer clear.