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The action pieces are
done fairly well for this film. It feels like a very highly stylized
version of any and all action/western/samurai flicks from the 50s,
updated for today's youth. You know, minimal attention spans, love of
flashing colors and loud boisterous music. Think a samurai western by
way of Michael Bay. Overall, it's flat fluff and it's fun, but it's
stupid fun. What I can say is that the main actor, Dong-gun Jang, does
pretty stellar work here. He's not anything to write home about, but
looking at him, you get a real Chow Yun Fat vibe. Big time. Only he's
really skinny and doesn't have a huge face. He has the speech patterns
down, he doesn't say much of anything at all, but he kills. And kills,
and kills, and kills and kills and kills. He's basically A Better
Tomorrow with a samurai sword. You also get some awesome stuff out of
Geoffrey Rush as the drunk gunslinger and Danny Huston as scum
personified. Really though, is there a better working evil shit heel
actor out there right now than Danny Huston? I can't think of anybody. I
freaking love everything the man does. He's despicable, awful, gross,
and just plain awesome. I want to meet him and shake his hand.
Everything else.
They don't even use the line Ninjas Damn. What the fuck is that? But
seriously, Kate Bosworth is awful. Just terrible. Terrible,
terrible, terrible. She's gotten better looking as she's gotten
older, thank god, but just like she was in Superman Returns, she is
nothing. I nothing her. I can't hate or love her, I just plain don't
care. Honestly. The rest of the cast is serviceable but they're all
playing ciphers really, so you don't care at all. Just like Faster,
it's a lot of fluff and filling out roles that have to be filled out
for the sake of the screenplay. Also, Hollywood, I hope you're
listening, but enough of the CGI blood. Just enough. I've had it.
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From Ninja
Assassin to the Expendables to Machete to this, are squibs
really that expensive? Is it really that hard to just throw
buckets of blood at people? This movie's entire budget
should have been spent on buckets of blood and it would have
been a lot more enjoyable. But every time I see CGI blood, I
just get pissed off. It doesn't feel right. How would it
feel if people like Sam Raimi from the 80s and 90s used CGI
blood? Or Peter Jackson in Dead Alive? Would the movie even
be remotely as much fun? |
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No. Hell no. So if
anyone from Hollywood is reading this, stop wasting money on
bullshit like crappy actresses and give us real blood. Or at least,
the real Hollywood blood. Also, the special effects in this movie
are highly laughable. There are instances where it looks like you're
watching a movie and then immediately you're watching a cartoon. One
scene specifically happens in a bamboo forest which could have lent
itself to sheer awesome and one of the coolest ninja fight scenes
ever but instead quickly turned the corner to laughable cheese with
shitty special effects. Spend more money here and the world will be
a better place.
This is one of those
movies that you'd be better served watching on SyFy channel in America.
So sit this one out, or grab a copy of Sukiyaki Western Django or any of
Akira Kurosawa's films or just stay home and watch repeats of Samurai
Jack. There are many ways this movie could have been a lot better, but
instead, we're left with false promises and wasted potential. All in all
not awful, but not much to write home about either.
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