Ten IQ points lost... eleven... twelve... thirteen... going... going. In the age of I Pods, Laguna Beach, Pink, Paris Hilton, American Idol, Kelly Clarkson, Ashlee Simpson, MTV, and The OC, we have yet another teen craporama further adding fuel to the fire influencing our youth of America that all that matters in life is beauty, style, fashion, style, beauty, and being defiant because it's so damn lovable. Disobey your parents. Look beautiful and thin as a wafer. Vomit all your dinners. Care what people say about you. Such subliminal messages we can find in trash like "Sleepover".

In one scene Childress' character states in obligatory dialogue:
"No guy ever looks at me, they never talk to me because I'm fat."

Now a person with common sense would say:
"All you have to do is lose weight, and start feeling better about yourself."

But the girls here say in an inspirational pep talk:
"You like Brownies, right? Well, find a guy who likes brownies, too."

Influencing obesity, and diabetes. Right. Hey, nothing against Ms. Childress, but how utterly mindless is the screenwriter to make a heavy character who loves food? If you're a tolerably decent parent, you'll keep your daughters from ever watching this. Ever hear of a book? But I won't lecture you, because I'm out of touch with my generation, and I couldn't be prouder. I'm happy I don't know what my generation is about, because from what I've seen at a distant glance, we're about nothing.

"Sleepover" declares such sentiment loud and clear. But what did I see in this film? Under age girls acting slutty, underage girls without a brain, under age girls painted in makeup and wearing skimpy clothing because--hey it's like totally cool, emo remakes of old songs, and underage girls breaking the law because it's funny. But that's not the only thing I saw, I saw the incredibly unfunny end of many careers that never really started to begin with. The complex plot involves four tarts celebrating a sleep over on the night of the end of school year which means going to high school the next year. Julie is mad her best friend Hannah is moving, so as one last fling, they go on a scavenger hunt. Hilarity ensues.

I use the term in the loosest sense. And, am I the only one who noticed Vega's looks really make her look un-ethnic? With light brown hair, and a lighter complexion they seem to really want to go away from her Hispanic roots, and as always there's your usual entourage of pre-teen girls, including your token heavy girl to add a balance to the superficial parade prepubescent stars. There's your forgettable love interest (Funny how these interchangeable love interests are always introduced in slow motion shots with their hair waving in the wind), and as always the adults are un-cool, inept, stupid, and ignored, while the kids are "lovably" defiant, "lovably" spoiled, "lovably" stupid, "lovably" obnoxious, "lovably" shallow, and "lovably" law breaking.

And not to mention "Sleepover" follows every single cliché and plot device in the book that you could ever come up with, and here were some notes I took:

1. The most popular girl in school is a blonde skinny tart. Ever been to a real high school? Most of the popular girls are the heavier plainer ones.
2. The loving caring and decent parents are depicted as villains.
3. Julie, the heroine, is self-absorbed, self-centered, and spoiled, and we're supposed to root for her!
4. Even after knowing her daughter snuck out, broke the law, stole a car, stole from her, went to a nightclub, met a very older man, was out all night, risking possible death, and vandalized a store, her mother lets her slide because "she's all grown up now". What a future she's headed in.
5. Was I--the only one who sensed the statutory rape themes throughout the entire film? Was it just me?
6. What school aligns lunch tables outside next to a garbage dump?
7. Wouldn't a teacher who met with a younger girl even accidentally, was spotted with her at a nightclub where she was under aged, bought her a drink, and then volunteered to take a picture with her, at some point get in deep trouble and even be fired? This is not reality.

But the individual aspects all come together in one really awful piece of trash with horrible performances all around, including from star Vega who is just offensively terrible. Throw in your comedic relief, and obligatory villain (Steve Carrell--what in the living love mustached Christ are you doing in this god forsaking piece of crap?), horrible dialogue, and a laughably contrived climax set to a blaring emo rock soundtrack that had me near tears. Not good tears, but painful tears. There's just really nothing left to say.

Thankfully, Steve Carrell went on to better things. As for the rest of the cast? Well, they didn't make it, I'm afraid. When a movie is so bad it makes me want to cry, that's quite an accomplishment, I have to say. Not even "New York Minute" had me on the verge of tears, you have to give it to "Sleepover" for that feat. I need some brain food.

• Summer Glau of "Firefly" has a cameo as a ticket vender in the climax. Summer, you're too good for this crap.
• Someone should alert the studios, Kallie Flynn Childress is not on the DVD cover. Probably just a mistake, right? Riiiight.

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