I really can’t understand why companies on tight budgets insist on attempting to create humongous epics on such a small pittance. “Supercroc” is part rip-off of “Primeval,” a part rip-off of “Alligator,” and a part rip-off of “Godzilla.” But mostly, it’s just an animals-on-a-rampage flick typical of low budget fare these days. And as all low budget fare, the animal in question does very little. As I’ve seen with many low budget movies, the film thinks it can base the story around our characters, so the audience won’t notice that the thing they came for only appears every twenty minutes and does very little. And this would be well and good, were the writing worth something. I mean, hell, the first ten minutes of this snooze fest involves soldiers on a mission on… I want to say a lake resort. Well either way, it’s supposed to be tough terrain. And I almost believed it.

But after watching “The Host,” I’m not going to buy that bull crap anymore. You have to give it to Asylum. They’re not just making rip-offs of one movie anymore. They’re now managing to squeeze in three or four at a time. “The Hitchhiker” alone was a rip on “The Hitcher,” and “Death Proof.” But “Supercroc” is a movie that really gives you more of the monster in the name than what we see in the movie. And then Harper begs us to forgive the super lapses in logic. We have to believe a giant crocodile can hide in a lake body, we have to believe a giant crocodile can plant their three feet eggs in plain sight and not cause attention, and we have to believe a giant crocodile can hide in a lake body without causing ripples or waves. And they do of course make idiotic moves. Upon a soldier being gobbled next to the lake, they immediately begin searching… next to the lake.

Cue more chomping. We have to imagine there’s a crocodile more than what Harper gives us to see, because most of the plot is based around the humans yelling back and forth at one another, as he films the command center watching the croc chomping like an episode of “24.” Question: If they knew there’d be a giant crocodile in this forest, why send only about four or five soldiers? And if they know it’s a giant crocodile, and established that the skin is thick, wouldn’t they enlist something more powerful than bullets to take it down rather than continuing to shoot it with bullets for the rest of the film? Meanwhile, Harper pulls us into all directions here. The military is not sure what this beast is, yet they just happen to have a crocodile expert at hand to help them. Bwa?

Señor SuperCroc on the other hand really does little to nothing but walk around like a tourist for the rest of the film. It walks, and walks, and walks… and then walks some more. How are we supposed to hate it when the poor thing is just walking on its own merry while those damn humans are shooting it for no good reason? Horrible animal abuse. Cynthia Rose Hall and Kim Little, to their credit, seem to be acting their butts off here, and man, they can’t even manage to muster a good enough performance. Hall most of all gives a brutally stilted performance, even spouting off about the difference between an engagement ring and a wedding ring. It’s not totally their faults, because the script is wholly inept, but they’re just sub-par. “SuperCroc” is barely a monster movie, hell it’s barely much of anything. And no, this isn’t so bad it’s good. It’s just bad. Very bad. Super bad.

Ultimately what could have saved this was a girl-on-girl kiss with Sarah Hall and Rebekah Kochan, but realistically, “Supercroc” offers big things and disappoints. It offers thrills, chills, a giant crocodile, gore galore and endless action. And all we get are talking heads, and a giant crocodile walking around every twenty minutes. Don’t believe the title, this is a Super Crock of shit and a con.

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