WHAT? A New Hope is WHAT? 
Neal Bailey

Star Wars!

The words either inspire a passionate hatred, a frantic desire to view the movies again, or perhaps, more commonly, a mixture for those of you who loved the first trilogy and hated the second.

Me? Well, I guess that’s what you’re reading for. Me, I’m an old school Star Wars fan, and not a picky one at that. I see the new trilogy as a mishmash of bad dialogue, choppy editing, and you know what? It’s not very deep, most of the time. But you know what I also think? I think the first trilogy wasn’t that deep either.

What makes Star Wars great are the following: Lightsaber battles, the extended lore, great special effects, and get this: CHEESINESS. That’s right. I like Star Wars because it is purposefully crappy at times. When someone says, “I can’t leave you, my heart would break!” in a completely sincere but clichéd manner, you know what that is? That’s a SERIAL. That’s what kids like. That’s why Lucas made these movies. To be evocative of the cheesy, horrible series of his youth, and to combine them with elements of a truly GREAT movie. Special effects, an extended universe. The result is a movie where you can take things (“I AM YOUR FATHER!”) and leave things “Wesa people gonna die?”).

Anyone who looks for a holistic and deep story in a weekly serial that stretched for 30 years is a moron. And the thing is, most people are morons, so I hear a ton of misguided comments when I see this movie.

“I don’t get it! The dialogue was melodramatic!” (THIS IS A MELODRAMA!)

“There were like, 5 lightsaber battles in this movie!” (THE PLOT REQUIRED IT!)

“I hate Ewoks/Gungans/C3PO!” (REMEMBER BEING A KID? GUESS NOT.)

“This isn’t like the last movies!” (YEAH, THEY’RE DIFFERENT MOVIES.)

It’s like looking at a comedy and saying “Why wasn’t there any character depth?”

Or looking at a Batman flick and asking, “Why do they have to have a super-villain every time? Real people wouldn’t do that!"

Now, of course, these are all valid complaints, and I hear an endless litany of them whenever anyone brings up the Star Wars equation, but I’m always rolling my eyes in my head. It’s like the people who hate Lord of the Rings because it didn’t have Tom Bombadil, or the people who can’t stand the Matrix Trilogy because the other two movies were about convoluted philosophy, whereas the first was all action (people who undoubtedly have seen one so many times they forgot or brought in said philosophy).

Point being? People love to drag down something that is making a ton of money and something that a lot of people like, and Star Wars is no exception. Star Wars movies are just a boatload of fun if you take them for what they are, which I find few can do.

That’s what informs my list and grading of Star Wars movies.

Here’s my ranking, from favorite to worst, with letter grades.

The Empire Strikes Back: A +
From start to finish, there’s no better Star Wars movie. Like Revenge, it ups the ante from one movie to the next, it has a ton of memorable moments, and the thing is, it manages to take that cheese factor and make it poetic and beautiful. The other movies could have done better with the solid acting and script of this movie, but that said, I really don’t watch the movies for that. It just made watching this series, which I watch for saber battles and great effects, that much more fun. If you took out the good dialogue and etcetera, you’d still have walkers, Yoda, the ghost Ben, the first force pull, the Wampa, Hoth, Cloud City, it’s just a beautiful, well made movie. And hands-down, the best fight, period. Vader leaping after Luke still gives me gooseflesh.

Revenge of the Sith: A
This movie, with time, may become my favorite. I know it kicked my ass so hard I crap sideways. A lot of people decry some of the cheese dialogue, and there IS some, but like Empire, it’s mostly solid. There’s the “Nooooooo!” and the lines about having a child, but mostly everything made sense, there was a definite tragedy that unfolded in a way I honestly didn’t believe Lucas would have the cojonès to pull, and it yanks you around with things you’d never expect to see in a Star Wars movie, like slaughtered children and a burning Anakin. This, along with a powerful soundtrack, incredible effects, and a strong script lead this to almost eclipse Empire. The only thing stopping it is a lack of a huge revelation, like the “I am your father!” that make a serial truly great. And plus, like I said, five light saber battles, all incredible. Including Yoda being handed his tail.

Return of the Jedi: A -
This movie does have a lot of the “one more time!” thing going for it. We essentially hit Tattooine again, we see Yoda again, and Luke fights Vader, again. But the Luke and Vader fight is incredible, the Emperor adds a whole new dimension to the saga, the effects are ratcheted up, and hey, the things we are seeing again are INCREDIBLE. Jabba is well done, as is the “return” scene on the sail barge. Yoda’s revelation about Leia is the moment Sith lacked, and it all balances out. A movie I can watch again and again without reserve.

Attack of the Clones: A -
This one is essentially tied with Return, but I have to put it below Return simply because of the lightsaber factor. Return has an INCREDIBLE battle, whereas the only reason Attack fails for me, oddly enough, is the saber battle. I love the saber fighting that is there, and when Yoda’s Theme comes on when he’s lifting the pylon, I get chills, but it’s FAR too short, and it’s over way too fast. It also got a bit too arty.

The clones and the arena are hallmarks, as is the mystery, the asteroid scene, and the beginning with the speeder chase. It’s great stuff, but it’s not plain EPIC, like Sith or Jedi or Empire.

I like the inclusion of Fett, and I like seeing the thinned ranks of the Jedi, and the story AFTER this movie was so much better in three years than the intervening TEN between Phantom and Attack.

The Phantom Menace: B
This movie has, minute for minute, the best lightsaber battle on a physical level, period. Maul, Qui-Gon, and Obi-Wan are incredible. It’s not better than the Luke and Vader fight in Empire because there is little speech, but there is tragedy, there is a great battleground.

Jar-Jar is a drag on the film, but in such a dark story, he added a distraction, and he showed how simplistic things were before everything fell. I won’t defend the character, but I will say I understand what they intended. And if you look beyond him (like the Ewoks), you see the incredible effects, the basis for a great story, and a ton of extrapolation that flat HAD to be done. And Maul, though many malign him, is very well done, as far as I’m concerned. 

A New Hope: B -
Oh yeah. That’s right. The first Star Wars movie, and the one many consider the best, is my least favorite. And why? Because it’s the only one of them that doesn’t, and will not stand the test of time. It is obviously made in the 70s, the effects are rigged on a fly instead of done by professionals on the rise, and everything is a little less cool than in the subsequent movies. The light saber battle is weaker, the space battles less enthralling until the very end, and much time is spent on character in a movie that is a patent melodrama.

What makes this movie great, and what people who find this the best in the sage love it for, is the fact that it DOES succeed in creating and maintaining a set of characters that are palpable and fun, something the others do not try to do. But now that we have these six movies and the character set is established, all that remains is this movie compared to the others in a context already set, and in that, it comes last.

But note, it’s still a great movie, tied with Phantom, and I love it dearly. That’s just how I feel, is all, it’s not the best Star Wars movie.

So is that controversial? Yeah. But you know what? It’s also honest. I love these movies, all of them, and I have different priorities for how I like them than most people. And in a world where people find any reasons to attack these movies that they can, I think that’s what matters. It’s not rocket science, it’s Star Wars. It’s the ultimate summer movie. Turn off your brain and enjoy it. If you try and read too much into it, you’ll be sitting there crying in your wookie costume. But if you treat it like a pop culture event, and enjoy the universe, you’ll never be disappointed.