Buy This Movie
2004
Rated: R for sexual content, graphic violence, and adult language.
Genre: Crime/GangsterComedy
Directed By: Howard Deutch
Running Time: 1:38
Review by: Felix Vasquez Jr.
Review Date: 6/8/05
THE WHOLE TEN YARDS

 

Sequels 98 percent of the time are made just to make more money. The cast whom committed to the first film, suddenly become greedy pigs, and willingly star in a sequel that is apparently very bad with a script written to show everyone so they can get their money. Such is the case with "The Whole Ten Yards", a crappy sequel to a mildly amusing crime farce.

Everything here is amped up ten fold, and the film just howls "We wanted more money" from the get go. Everyone in this entire film just looks bored, and never once convinces me that anyone in this decided to return simply from the quality of the script. Hell, in an interview I saw with Willis, when asked why he decided to star in this, he bluntly explained that he received a big paycheck, so this is just a movie made for the sole purposes of cashing in on its stars.

No one here looks like they're having a good time, and neither was I. As always, the golden rule this day and age is, there has to be a sequel to every film, even to mildly successful barely watchable comedies. To describe the actual plot of this to you would take a lot of time, to give an even small detail as to what in the name of god the point of this movie was would take a lot of my mental capacity. But I know it involves mobsters, chickens, a lot of overacting from the cast, and a lot of pratfalls courtesy of Perry.

Nearly everyone is around this time, Henstridge is still hot, but barely has a role to call her own, Amanda Peet (who I still don't see the big deal about) is even more irritating than she was in the first film, Kevin Pollack returns as the father of the mobster character in the first movie to play a walking talking Italian stereotype, but the true spectacles of this are Bruce Willis and Matthew Perry whom are both way over the top in their "comedic" roles and are just mind-numbingly awful performing ridiculous gags that are both tedious and asinine.

And like every writer without a sense of what comedy means, the script relies mostly on toilet humor like farting, and physical outtakes courtesy of Perry. It also takes pride on relying on misunderstandings ala "Three's Company" for humor, but the problem is the humor is MIA. Most of the film is also comprised of gags that are so tired, and the jokes just fall flat like Starr Jones attempting gymnastics.

A lot of the film is gag after gag with hints of plot in-between and none of it ever makes even the slightest bit of sense. Everyone gives such horrible performances that it's really embarrassing including Perry whose entire role consists of screaming, double takes, and pratfalls. Perry is way over the top here, I mean that monologue he gives to his secretary halfway through the movie is completely over the top, and you can tell not even Perry found it funny. All the while there's this stench of failure resonant throughout the entire film leading to a very predictable plot twist, and a really dumb climax.

This is quite the spectacle. Unfunny, badly acted, and made solely for the purposes of big paychecks this film is just utterly embarrassing and nonsensical. This is mindless drivel, without being able to call itself a guilty pleasure.

 

 

 


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