April Fool's Day (2008)

It’s all a practical joke in the end. What? You’re mad that I ruined the twist? Too bad. Now let’s cut the crap here, I’m not going to pretend “April Fool’s Day” was a masterpiece of eighties horror cinema, because it wasn’t. It was boring, bland, and had a climax that was as predictable as it could get. It’s called “April Fool’s Day,” the surprise twist is given off the bat. So when news came that it was being remade, I had a general series of reactions. Anger that they’d be remaking another movie, disappointment that they couldn’t improve on the original, and sheer frustration that it had been geared to the “My Super Sweet 16” audiences now focusing on a group of rich kids. Now as much as I love to see Buffy and Muffy heiress get an axe in the head, this new set up is annoying because it’s pointless. “April Fool’s Day” is a blip on the remake radar and for good reason. It’s a low budget redo by terrible directors, and yes, we’re setting down on some rich folkels.

Paired with an inexplicable “Dark Shadows” score, and acting akin to community theater, “April Fool’s Day” fast forwards some time after a horrible prank during a party goes awry. After litigation and painfully mimicked news broadcasts, The “Butcher Brothers” subject us more to another sequel of “I Know What You Did Last Summer,” as bitch supreme Desiree (who is the odd choice for main character) is stalked and taunted by a mysterious shadowed figure who is making her lush and lavish days so much harder to bear. Even during chases and tears, she still manages to maintain that illogical glow and gloss, and the Brothers never succeed in creating a single sympathetic character.

Even with the hammy mugging of the always horrid Scout Taylor Compton, there’s never any indication that this film is intended as a camp horror film, or a serious one. There are moments of such inadvertent comedy that it’s clear the writers never had their shit together during the filmmaking process at all. They can barely convince us to care who is sending these odd notes to the botox bunch. After the fascinating take on vampires in “The Hamiltons” it’s a bit of a let down to see the Butcher Brothers stumble into this Direct to DVD nightmare of a film that’s a rather terrible piece of quasi-horror on every level. The fact we’re supposed to care about these rich idiots is asking too much, but when we’re asked to buy into the story, they’re just pushing their luck. I wish I could rant on and on about this, but “April Fool’s Day” is just that forgettable. I wasted ninety minutes on this. The jokes on me! “April Fool’s Day” is a demonstration in tedium, bad filmmaking, and atrocious acting with no resemblance to an actual horror movie at all. Ironically it’s not even technically a remake at all.