Dolla Morte (2006)


I’m sure at some point either “director” Bill Zebub or one of his friends were sitting down to watch “Robot Chicken” or “Team America: World Police” for the fiftieth time in a month quoting “Matt Damon!” over and over, and someone suggested “director” Bill Zebub create his own doll movie! Yay! After the rancid putrid junk that was “Breaking her Will” and the rancider putrid junk that was “Dirt Bags” I really was not expecting much from “director” Bill Zebub. “Dolla Morte” really wouldn’t be such a bad film if Bill Zebub had any idea was pacing is. There are overlong scenes of dolls engaging in dialogue, and rape scenes, and there’s even a five minute warning to the audience about Zebub’s intention toward the film. Why are they so determined to let us know his intentions for this piece of garbage? What does it matter? Shouldn’t he let the trash speak for itself?

If I had to make a guess I’d say “Dolla Morte” is just an excuse to make a movie with no budget and to promote Bill Zebub’s latest music project. The disclaimer makes a point of telling the audience to check our his newest album. And then we’re drawn in to an absolute mess of inanity and idiocy involving dolls, action figures, and what I presume are Tonka trucks borrowed from kids in their neighborhood. The movie makes a point of explaining this film is for fans of offensive comedy. The sad fact is this movie is neither comedy nor offensive. Showing a Hitler doll, a pope doll, or a Jesus Doll raping another Jesus doll on a crucifix is not offensive. It’s insanely juvenile. And it’s not “South Park” juvenile either, just the lowest form of juvenile imaginable.

Meanwhile the producer proclaims the film is not commenting on anything but we’re forced to endure dolls discussing religion and politics, and we’re told Bill Zebub isn’t criticizing the president and yet he does so for the sake of the film. “Dolla Morte” really isn’t a film that’s deserving of a finely thought out critique, it’s merely just a waste of time, film, and resources. I’m shocked people actually find this type of dreck entertaining on some level, and I’m even more disheartened that Zebub has a fan following, however small. Audiences who loved “Team America” surely will not appreciate what Zebub attempts with a lower budgeted dunderheaded waste of time. Thankfully the film is a little over an hour long, and mercifully lets us off the hook once the ridiculous excuse for a plot has ceased letting the audience go back to more tasks worthy of their time.

Even after watching it, I’m still not sure what the plot is, and if anyone tries to convince me “director” Bill Zebub had a finely tuned screenplay for this, I’d be more than willing to laugh in their faces. The special edition DVD comes with no special features. Aw, what a shame! Don’t watch it. Don’t cough up your hard earned dough to check it out. Don’t be experimental. Don’t give this to someone as a gag gift. It’s bad. It’s god awful. It’s a waste of time and intelligence, and even for dumb fun it fails. Even for mindless fun I’d be willing to sit through a marathon of “Jackass” over this. Go watch a few seasons of “Robot Chicken” and “Team America: World Police” for more fulfilling entertainment with dolls and action figures. Just ignore it and it may just go away. When did we begin confusing stupidity for brilliance?