Ninja Cheerleaders (2008)

ninja_cheerleadersYou know what? “Ninja Cheerleaders” is trash but it’s trash you can admire. It’s a mixture of “3 Ninjas” with some “Bikini Carwash” for good measure, a veritable knock off of TMNT where director David Presley replaces teenage ninja turtles for teenage ninja cheerleaders. Starring three gorgeous and often cute young women, “Ninja Cheerleaders” tries for nothing more than pushing the limit upon with our actresses are willing to go. So while there is innuendo, there’s never any sex, and the women here are never sure if they want to be feminist icons or trashy slutty molds for what the movie begs. The plot is nothing you haven’t seen a thousand times before.

Three cheerleaders are specifically trained ninja warriors who triple as cheerleaders for their school all the while dancing as gogo dancers for money for college. This movie would have worked much more as Ninja Strippers, but who am I to argue? The local mob boss wants the deed for the money making club but their master Hiroshi (George Takei being… George Takei), so he’s kidnapped. Now it’s up to the young women to find him and get their money back so they can go to college. Obviously the emotional turmoil is scant and the conflict fairly ridiculous.

I mean if Hiroshi trained three young women to become warriors, he’d put up a humongous fight against potential kidnappers, wouldn’t he? He’d be unstoppable. In this case Hiroshi is Master Splinter, a guffawing wise old hermit who has a keen eye for human flesh. I can only imagine him training his girls in the art of pole dancing. The choreography both in the dance and martial arts are all fairly standard and mediocre, but the show put on by the trio of actresses makes for some rather crowd pleasing entertainment, especially Maitland McConnell who is cute as a button.

And I guess if you’re a “Real World” buff, there’s Trishelle Cannatelle as one of the kung fu fighting femmes who don’t take kindly to ogling sailors, and loud mouthed cops. All in all, “Ninja Cheerleaders” has a lot going for it that doesn’t translate in to masterpiece material, but is at least worth your time. It’s by no means a masterpiece with the content bordering on softcore porn sometimes never quite sure if it wants to depict its heroines as street smart tough girls with hussy facades, or just hussies who happen to kick ass. In either case, “Ninja Cheerleaders” is a valuable time killer if only for the bloopers in the credits and the implied girl on girl.