LOL (2012)

In vogue bright eyed teen stars are a dime a dozen in America, and they have a shorter shelf life than a can of beans. Often times a teen star can rise and fade before anyone even remembers their name, and it’s a struggle to fight for career success beyond being young and beautiful. What’s worse is teen stars are more and more presenting talent and aren’t the manufactured product that Disney keeps churning out. Miley Cyrus has shown beyond a shadow of a doubt that, like most teen Disney stars the studio churns out year after year, she’s pretty much fading in to the background.

Propped for success early, she hasn’t displayed much of a keen talent for acting or performing in general, so “Lol” is the natural step to convert Cyrus from teen pop star to teen actress. It’s a shame in a year that gave us “The Perks of Being a Wallflower,” we have this tepid piece of junk. To add insult to further damages, I’ve read the original French hit from 2006 is quite good. “LOL (2012)” however, doesn’t illuminate us on the American teenage condition. Lola (nicknamed LOL by her oh so clever friends; is LMAO about an Asian girl, then?) really has a hard knock life.

She lives in an apartment the size of a stadium, with her cougar mother, and adorable little sister (both of whom take baths together naked–ew!), and spends all of her days expressing her emotions on her top of the line computer, cell phone, and notebooks. Her rich cougar mother just broke up with her hunky dad, and is now experiencing a turbulent romance with a young hunky token hispanic motorcyclist/police officer. You see, police can definitely afford a great motorcycle and a leather jacket since they’re so well paid! Lola, who loves her group of predominantly white, young, blond friends has just broken up with her hunky boyfriend who is spreading rumors about her all over her posh public school, where no one is bald, overweight, over the age of thirty, or any race beyond slightly Olive skinned.

But she may have a shot at love as she’s being romanced by a hunky musician. Meanwhile her sexy white blond best friend who also lives in a humongous apartment, and has rich parents, is being romanced by her best friend while falling for her hunky chiseled white teacher who should be on an Abercrombie and Fitch catalogue and not teaching. Her mother expects her to have good grades or else she can’t go to Paris with her friends! As for Lola, she may also risk being grounded by her rich mom if she gets anything below a B, or she can’t go to Paris, either! Man, my parents were right. The world is a cruel cold place. Dear Miley Cyrus, hire an acting coach. And not acting coach as in someone you’ll pay to tell you what you want to hear, but an actual acting coach. It’ll do everyone some good.

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