The PC Thug: What is “Lilo and Stitch’s” Appeal?

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Okay, I have to ask what the hell is the appeal of “Lilo and Stitch”? Every person I’ve come across in the last fourteen years has had something positive to say about those stupid movies. Even people that don’t like it, just find it lukewarm Disney crapola. This is the studio that gave us “The Incredibles” and “Wall E,” and they were clearly not even trying to deliver quality entertainment for their audiences. They made a movie to create a toy line pure and simple. It’s a movie created for merchandise. It’s their predecessor to “Cars, if you will.

Except, it’s mainly touted to little girls that always wanted their own screeching little alien to do stuff with. Like wreck people’s properties, and be genuinely unfriendly. Because that’s cute in modern America, I guess. Not only did Disney rip off “ET” with this series, but they’re not even subtle about it. It’s a lonely child with an older sibling befriending an alien that mysterious people are after. It even rips off the idea for the sequels by featuring sibling aliens of Stitch, some of whom are friendly or nasty.

“Lilo and Stitch” arrived in theaters 2002 and surprisingly lived a long shelf life. It’s still highly praised, despite the fact it was about as derivative as they came. Surely, the animation style was different from other Disney films, but pretty much all of the movie was constructed to build upon a mythos that could lead the studio in to other forms of marketing and franchising that sadly worked. There was “Stitch! The Movie,” “Lilo & Stitch 2: Stitch Has a Glitch,” “Leroy & Stitch,” “Lilo & Stitch: The Series,” and “Stitch!” Just an onslaught of nonsensical junk with no substance or creativity.

Stitch is one in a long line of alien genetic experiments that inevitably fall in to the ownership of Lilo, a cute Hawaiian girl in need of friends, who adopts him as a puppy. Though he’s really a disgusting monster with a short temper and snaggle tooth. The movie doesn’t even really have an ending or resolution to its plot. It has a wide open ending so gaping that it makes the “Pirates of the Caribbean” movies look like the examples of plot resolution.

I mean, what is the appeal? I can’t believe the base that fueled Disney films like “Aladdin” and “Lion King” managed to have enough low standards to give this one a pass and make it a success! Granted, the former titles were themselves rip offs, but they were amazing films. “Lilo and Stitch” is the lowest form of creativity I’ve ever seen from Disney Studios.

To go off on a rant: “Lilo and Stitch” is god fucking awful. It’s grating, lame ass pandering from Disney, and created to sell toys and merchandise to ADD riddled kids who could connect to that little monster screaming, screeching, and being generally unpleasant to be around. The entire movie and its sequels, prequels, mid-quels, and series were thinly veiled toy ads, both poorly written, and badly acted.

Stitch himself is nasty anyway, so his cousins and siblings are despicable. Stitch is the worst Disney character ever created. He tops Jar Jar Binks in the arena of obnoxious aliens I’d love to snuff out in to oblivion. He’s in the top three with Jar Jar, and those stupid Mudokons from “Abe’s Oddysee.” Sidenote: I think the former is why I stopped playing video games, altogether. What a horrible game.

“Lilo & Stitch” are pure cotton candy dribble. I just don’t understand how anyone can look at Stitch and think it’s absolutely adorable. Who would want a toy for that? It’s Disney at its lowest. They weren’t even trying. The only consolation I could offer is that they at least tried harder than they did with “Cars.”

How do you make a big budget animated movie about talking cars and just decide to call it “Cars”? I just don’t get it. We’re in a time where Disney is playing it safe and taking new chances, which is a contradiction, but makes perfect business sense.

Surely, we have “Cars 3” coming soon, but at least we have new Pixar films that seem original and daring on the way. And 2013 had “Frozen” which was a return to the Disney classic formula while also breaking the conventions of the “Disney Princess.” For now, Stitch seems to be just a regular character on one of the banner Disney games, and doesn’t seem to be close to re-emerging any time soon, and I’m fine with that.

Hopefully Disney are too busy with other prospect to really consider a reboot, which is fine by me. I’m perfectly fine with the generic “Cars” so long as it keeps me from having to endure another onslaught from the series. I hope it’s a very long time before that despicable character makes his way back to screens.