Oh Reb Brown, where would cinema be without you? Without Brown, we wouldn’t have had the 1979 Television movie “Captain America,” a movie so inept, it can’t even mimic Evel Knievel well. Brown is Steve Rogers for some reason, who came back from the war, and now drives around in a very kick ass van that also sports his favorite motorcycle. He’s a an ex-Marine/surfer/artist/motorcycle racer who also happens to be involved with a scientist developing a new formula for super strength (with the acronym F.L.A.G.), so while he’s helping develop a potentially groundbreaking formula for humanity, he is constantly moping around about the war and his lack of money. The sad fact is that the serum can only work for the Rogers blood line. Why? Because it’s a Captain America movie.
Brown approaches the role of Steve Rogers as he does every single role. He’s a big lunk head who doesn’t seem to have much sense to him. The TV movie sets itself up as a glorified TV pilot, thus not much effort is made to speed up the narrative. The writer only wants to establish supporting characters and the villain and ease in to Rogers becoming Captain America. And since the series is so low in budget, and looks for every reason to cut costs, the entire narrative for Steve Rogers is changed from World War II America to the late seventies. And he’s already a buff blond American man, so there isn’t much of a change to his physique beyond the powers we’re told he has. His costume is also really poorly constructed but, again, this was to obviously cut the costs of depicting such a high ranking Marvel character for what I expect was being planned for a long run series like “The Hulk.” It’s an attempt to market on the Evel Knievel craze of the late seventies with motorcycles, and an overgrown helmet that doubles as Cap’s mask, et al.
The opening scenes involve Steve stopping off at a friend’s place to pick up mail, and then he’s run off the road by assassins that lead him off an incomplete highway. He rolls off the path and crashes down a hill with no real damage, then Steve steps out rubbing his head confused with a ripped shirt. Cut to the next scene when he arrives at the lab. So, what he just left the truck there? He didn’t contact the police? He didn’t question how he left the crash unscathed? It’s quite lame, all things considered. Much like the six million dollar man, Steve is nearly killed and a team of surgeons rebuild him, with Steve’s scientist friend injecting him with the super soldier serum without his knowledge. Despite protests from the doctors, Steve awakens now with super powers, and we know he has super powers because he holds his fists up when he awakens from his coma. He also demonstrates how easily he can break a pencil in his hands. No, really.
I’d love to mock this movie relentlessly, but it’s so monotonous and subtly lame, that it really never rises to camp level. It’s more tedious and aimless than it is it so bad it’s good. The movie is titled “Captain America,” and clocking in at ninety minutes, Rogers never actually appears in suit until over an hour in to the story. Even then he has to be talked in to getting in to the costume, and he’s only in costume for fifteen minutes. To compensate for lack of effects, much of Steve’s abilities are helped by his van, his bike, and the shield that doubles as a windshield. So he’s not so much a super soldier with abilities, as he is an ultra-patriotic motorcycle avenger. And he never actually punches anyone, so much as he runs around, dodges gunfire, and tries to ignore the wedgie from his spandex outfit. “Captain America” lacks a resolution and a satisfying narrative, and that’s probably because this was being touted to become a series. It’s a good thing we never saw it, as this ends up being much more an adaptation of the “Thunderiders” than “Captain America.”