“Sexcula” is like one big acid trip. There’s no sense of narrative, tone, pacing, or any kind of semblance of story. The director doesn’t even seem to be working on any kind of script. Take for example the big show where a stripper (glimmering in a spotlight seemingly appearing from nowhere) begins dancing with the castle owner’s pet gorilla. The gorilla is so enticed by the dancing, he attacks and rapes the stripper, and out of revenge, she rapes the gorilla. The two then seemingly die during the revenge rape, and then they pop up taking a bow as the characters in the film applaud. It’s this kind of nonsense that makes “Sexcula” irritating, but oddly alluring. I’d call it erotic and sexy, but the movie is just too stupid to muster up any kind of that flavor.
When we meet Sexcula, she’s having sex with a man in a bed, and (for reasons I can’t fathom), star Debbie Collins looks to the camera with a smile and throws up a peace sign. Cue the opening credits. There are just twists and turns in this movie that are inexplicable, confusing, and downright ridiculous. It’s no wonder this is a cult film sought by many film collectors. For all intents and purposes while Debbie Collins is a dead ringer for Marilyn Chambers, she is downright gorgeous, and has a killer body to work with. The reason she’s called Sexcula is irrelevant, as she’s only a vampire when the script calls for it, and she only nips at two lovers’ peckers for the sake of helping her friend Dr. Fallatingstein’s monster garner an erection. That’s basically the crux of the movie. Dr. Fallatingstein builds a sex monster, and he can’t gain an erection. For some reason Sexcula is the expert in—monster erections (?) and is called to the castle for help.
The movie doesn’t even belong to Sexcula (or Dr. Fallatingstein, for that matter), as she plays third fiddle to the narrative. The movie is told through accounts from a book found by a young couple that’s apparently historians. They read the book in an open field, and we view the tales of Sexcula. And for whatever reason, there are flashbacks within the accounts from the book, and even breaking of the fourth wall, for whatever reasons. The acting is utterly abysmal, as most of the female actors seem to be reading from cue cards, while the male actors chew the scenery. “Sexcula” drops back and forth from nonsense in to hardcore porn with beastiality (man in an ape suit), a monster orgy, fallatio in the middle of a wedding ceremony, and an elderly priest who is overpowered by Sexcula in to—well, sex. “Sexcula” is often too dull or droning to really achieve its purpose as entertaining or arousing erotica, but if you’re in to ogling Debbie Collins, and are in to erotica with a faint hint of horror, this will cure what ails you.