Star Ballz (2001)

starballzThe 2001 anime spoof of “Star Wars” is so stuffed with inexplicable nonsense, you’ll likely get a few laughs out of if in the first ten minutes. And then get bored. And then begin fast forwarding until the very end. Thankfully the movie clocks in at a merciful forty five minutes in length; the rest of the film is all a lot of shots and scenes infringing on so many copyrights that it’s both impressive and moronic.

About ninety percent of the animated material is based around a lot of sex scenes and a ton of graphically detailed scenes featuring threesomes and anal sex. Isn’t it ironic that most of the animated movie’s animation is so god awful and lazy, but minute scenes like bulging penises and Busty Princess Leia’s body are so meticulously detailed? There really is no narrative to the movie. It’s just a lot of running around and mimicking scenes from the original “Star Wars,” as the crew behind it try to look for any excuse to feature graphic sex. It’s the same premise of Lucas’ film, except Leia is a busty Sailor Moon, Han Solo is a horny Goku from “Dragon Ball Z,” and Chewbacca is a furry Howard Stern (?). I assume that makes sense. Also in what I guess was their own way of sticking it to “the man,” Darth Vader is an impotent warlord who dons Mickey Mouse ears.

You have to admit it is prophetic in its own way. That’s about all the credit I’ll give “Star Ballz.” When the animated movie has nowhere to go it lifts whole scenes and dialogue from other movies. Watch Busty Leia slide around on a floor of lasers a la Catherine Zeta Jones, and Goku even slides in to a toilet a la “Trainspotting.” Who cares if it makes sense? Either way, “Star Ballz” is a heinous waste of time, and in spite of barely clocking in at fifty minutes, you’ll find yourself exercising the forward button. If you’re wondering why Lucas Film sued the crew behind “Star Ballz,” among every other bit of warped unfunny numbskullery, the movie ends on Jar Jar Binks giving fellatio to George Lucas. No, seriously. Someone thought that’d be funny.