See No Evil (2006)

I theorize that “See No Evil” would have been much more entertaining had Hulk Hogan been a knife wielding slasher stalking a bunch of nameless characters. Can you imagine the hulkster puckering his lips, swinging a chainsaw and screaming “What are ya gonna do, when the hulkamania comes after you?!” Don’t pretend that wouldn’t have been fun. “See No Evil” is a vehicle pretending to be horror, and watches like a grindhouse Z film that’s one part “Saw”, one part “Slumber Party Massacre”, and one part “Jason Lives.”

A group of teen delinquents are sent to clean the Blackwell Hotel. Little do they know reclusive psychopath Jacob Goodnight (wrestler Glenn Jacobs aka Kane) has holed away in the rotting hotel. When one of the teens is captured, those who remain – a group that includes the cop who put a bullet in Goodnight’s head four years ago – band together to survive against the brutal killer who has a nigh endless array of weapons and tricks.

“See No Evil” is one of those goofy slashers where the main character is the killer, and not the victims. The characters in the actual film are set up cannon fodder, brutally slaughtered somehow, and there are more blatant stereotypes than an episode of “The Real World”. The cavalcade of cliches is convicts, a mixed bunch of convicts who spout awful dialogue, fight quite often, and are basically sent to the meat grinder. The writing is set up so that audiences will actually say “God, I hope they die”, to which most of them do. In an anemic attempt to add character motion, there’s a maguffin in the form of a rumored safe filled with money in the hotel.

Jacob Goodnight has no personality, no mystique, and no aura. He’s barely given enough of a gimmick to make an appealing horror villain. The character is set-up as a faux-Leatherface who hooks his victims, and drags them into his dungeon, and little else is interesting about him. The lack of creativity paired with the horrendous script make “See No Evil” a slog to finish. “See No Evil” is a ridiculous messy Z grade film that should have been released straight to video.