Since Christmas was yesterday, Happy Holidays to all of you out there in internet land by the way, I’ve chosen the immortal classic Silent Night Deadly Night 2 for BAD MOVIE MONDAY. Kind of as my gift to everyone who bothers to read this silly little column. It’s my way of both thanking you for listening to the insane ramblings of my diseased brain and of introducing you to the Silent Night, Deadly Night series of films. A series that I feel is rather unique by the fact that every entry goes more and more off the rails as it progresses. Parts 3, 4 and 5 get REALLY wild, but that’s for another time
Quick Recap! When COVID shut down everything in early 2020, I started an online bad movie night get-together with some friends that we eventually dubbed “Bad Movie Monday”. The premise was simple: We’d torture each other every Monday with the worst trash we could find, tell a few jokes, cheer each other up, and in the process maybe discover some weird obscure cinema that we might never have seen any other way. This series of reviews will feature highlights of those night so you can all share in the fun and maybe get some ideas for your own movie night.
One of the more infamous things about Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2 is that it contains so much footage from the first movie that you don’t really have to watch the first movie. In fact, I’d suggest you start the series with Part 2. You’ll get 90% of the original film, only edited a lot more tightly, with some new wacky stuff thrown in. Yeah, you’ll be missing out on the crazy grandpa at the beginning of the first movie, which is a real shame since he’s the best part of the film, but from what I remember that’s all you’ll be really be missing. There was a lot of filler in the first movie, and it’s all been cut out. I’m not sad in the slightest.
Because the two films are so intertwined, I figured I’d just toss in a review of the first film too. Might as well. It’s Christmas after all! Ho-Ho-Ho!
SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT (1984)
The original Silent Night Deadly Night opens with a family going to see their grandfather, who has been catatonic for many years, in a remote institution. They bring their two kids along, Billy who’s about 5 or 6 and Ricky who’s only a baby, to visit the old guy and wish him a Merry Christmas. After the parents go off to sign some papers and leave Billy alone with him, the grandfather comes to life and tells the boy that Santa doesn’t just give presents to good kids but that he also punishes naughty kids.
“Ahhh…” I think the first time I see this. “The old guy will escape and stalk the little boy. Kind of like Halloween, but with more of a Christmas/Home Alone sort of theme. I can dig it.”
So, of course we immediately cut to a completely different scenario of a shady looking dude in a filthy Santa suit robbing a liquor store. When the guy behind the counter is too slow to hand over the money the Liquor Store Santa brutally murders him and steals the 20$ for the register, speeding off into the night with his car. Before we get too confused at this odd scene though we cut back to the family driving home from the institution, singing Christmas songs, while a visibly disturbed Billy keeps saying how afraid he is that Santa will punish him. His parents, of course, ignore his concerns. They then see the Liquor Store Santa from before, his shitbox car has broken down on the side of the road, so they stupidly decide to stop in order to show Billy that there’s nothing to be afraid of.
“Okay…” I think. A bit confused but still enthusiastic. “The killer is going to be the Liquor Store Santa, and not the Grandpa. The family will stop to talk to him, and mention how big of a Christmas they’re going to have and how many presents and how much money they spent on celebrations. Which will make the Liquor Store Santa stalk them and lay in wait in order to rob them. Fulfilling Billy’s fears. I can still dig it!”
So, of course the Liquor Store Santa immediately executes the father and then rapes and kills the mother, leaving Billy traumatized and Ricky screaming. Cut to five years later in an orphanage, where the nuns are very cruel and abusive towards Billy.
“Uh… o-kay?” I think, starting to get a bit worried. “This is going to be one of those stories that takes place in a creepy orphanage. Lots of oppressive atmosphere and Christian imagery. Christmas is coming and with Billy traumatized and utterly paranoid about Christmas and Santa, and with the Mother Superior totally unsympathetic to any of his PTSD, this is going to be one of those descent into madness or haunted house kind of stories. Lots of hallucinations and nightmares. That, or maybe the Grandpa or the Liquor Store Santa will show up and try to kill Billy. He’ll warn everyone, but no one will believe him until it’s much too late. That could work. I’m still in this game. I can still sort of kind of dig it!”
So, of course we just abruptly end with Mother Superior trying to force Billy to sit on Santa’s lap during Christmas, which has the rather predictable outcome of Billy kicking the poor guy in the nuts. Cut to a few more years later and Billy is now an 18 year old tall buff hunk.
“Wait… whatafuk?” I think, my expectations now lowered so far that you couldn’t trip over them in the dark. “They just reset the story four times, and this is the BULLSHIT they’re finally going to go with? THIS?????????”
So yes, of course they’re going with this. Why do something clever and unique when you can just half-ass some turd-like third-rate slasher movie knockoff? Billy is going to be the Killer Santa. PLOT TWIST! Because, when you think of what a Killer Santa would look like, the first thing that springs to mind is a young surfer dude guy who’s kind of ripped right? Anyway, who cares? Let’s just get this over with. He’s eighteen and needs a job because the orphanage won’t keep him. So he starts work at a department store as a stock boy. The guy who runs the store gives him the job to be that year’s Santa, because of course he would. Billy says yes to dressing up like Santa, because of course he would. Blah-blah-blah… Naughty teenagers. Blah-blah-blah… Killing. Tits. Gore. You’ve all seen slasher movies before. So you know the drill. It ends with Billy running back to the orphanage to kill Mother Superior and getting shot by the cops. The film closes with Billy’s brother Ricky, the baby from the beginning, who’s now about ten or eleven, glaring at the body of his dead brother and then looking menacingly at the camera.
The end.
Ehh… it’s not that bad. It’s actually moody, sort of. It’s well shot too, sort of. It’s just that the whole film feels kind of like they had all these great setups for something truly fun and twisted, and then decided to go with the least interesting possible idea.
SILENT NIGHT DEADLY NIGHT PART 2 (1987)
Silent Night Deadly Night Part 2 is really easy to summarize. It’s basically about thirty minutes of reused footage from part 1 interspersed with new footage of an adult Ricky killing people. Look up “GARBAGE DAY!” on YouTube and you’ll have the gist of that this movie is all about: Palm Trees, sweaters in ninety degree weather, ridiculous dialogue and even more ridiculous acting, an absences of snow, almost no noticeable Christmas decorations, and our killer Ricky not dressed up as Santa for most of the movie.
Despite the movie being a sleazy cheap cash-grab, there is some attempt by the filmmakers to humanize Ricky, which I appreciate. They didn’t quite succeed, but they tried. It’s what counts. I liked the flashbacks to his childhood with kind adoptive parents who tried to understand him. I legitimately thought these were sweet moments.
Other than that, there’s a few notable scenes. Such as an actor nearly getting clipped by a car in a stunt that almost went really wrong, and an umbrella kill and a battery charger kill that are pretty cool. It ends with Ricky going to the now retired Mother Superior’s house and to kill her, in a scene that’s almost hilariously awkward. All of this nonsense is totally saved by Eric Freeman’s over the top performance. Without him, this movie doesn’t work. He’s not a great actor, but he’s the right actor for this movie. He is, in one word, magnificent. I’ve watched enough bad movies by now to know good/bad acting from bad/bad acting, and Freeman is a one of the best bad actors I’ve seen.
Alright, onto my favorite part of the review, where I list ten thoughts I had during the movie!
#1 I really appreciate how the guys who made Part 2 took out all the boring bits from the first movie. Now it’s actually quite enjoyable and fast paced to watch.
#2 Linnea Quigley gratuititties! She also has a really cute butt.
#3 Though the scene is completely superfluous. The two guys trying to ride sleds down a nearly flat hill covered in the shittiest bumpiest snow I’ve ever seen in my life always makes me laugh.
#4 The fact that they show a scene from the first film in a movie Ricky is watching with his girlfriend is either brilliant and meta or stupid and lazy, and I can’t figure out which one it is.
#5 There are worse catchphrases for your killer than “PUNISH!”
#6 Having Ricky’s murderous impulses set off by the color red sounds sort of clever, until you realize how many red things there are in life. Hasn’t he ever eaten an apple? What does he do at stop lights???
#7 The actor who played Ricky’s girlfriend’s ex has the worst bleach job I have ever seen in my life. I bet he shaved his head bald after the movie. Either that or it fell out because it looks as brittle as hay.
#8 Eric Freeman acts entirely with his eyebrows and by making weird faces, and I am all here for it!
#9 Why are the police inviting a nun to a crime scene? THEY HAVEN’T EVEN ZIPPED UP THE CORPSES IN THE BODY BAGS YET!
#10 You know guys. If you couldn’t get the original actress who played Mother Superior in the first movie, then putting Freddy Krueger burn makeup on the new actress is not going to make the audience notice it less.
