BOOTLEG FILES 922: “No Indians Please!” (1948 silent truncated version of Abbott and Costello’s “Ride ‘Em Cowboy”).
LAST SEEN: On YouTube.
AMERICAN HOME VIDEO: None.
REASON FOR BOOTLEG STATUS: No perceived commercial value.
CHANCES OF SEEING A COMMERCIAL DVD RELEASE: Nope, sorry.
If you’ve been following this column, you may recall that I’ve been on a mini-Abbott and Costello kick. Two weeks ago, I reviewed the new AI-fueled parody “Abbott and Costello Meets the Exorcist” and last week I dug up a video record of a Texas theater company’s 1984 live stage production of “Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein.” I was going to put Bud and Lou back on the shelf until I saw a notice announcing that November is Native American Heritage Month – and that seemed like the perfect cue to unspool the team’s 1948 release of “No Indians Please!”
What, you don’t remember an Abbott and Costello film by that title? Well, there’s nothing wrong with your memory – they never made a film called “No Indians Please!” That film was a severely truncated version of their 1942 “Ride ‘Em Cowboy” which was released in a silent format to the home movie market in 1948 as a silent film.
Yes, I realize that explanation creates an equal amount of explanation and confusion. After all, why release a truncated version instead of the full film? And why release it as a silent movie, especially since Abbott and Costello were among the most dialogue-driven comedians of all time? Allow me to explain.
Back in the day, long before the letters V, C, and R were combined into an entertainment format acronym, movie lovers could enjoy classic films in the comfort of the homes through companies that sold or leased prints in formats that were smaller than the theatrical 35mm standard. But films that were offered in such formats as 16mm, 9.5mm, 8mm, and Super 8 could not accommodate a feature-length film on a single reel. Often, the original films were edited down – sometimes just a reel or two was dropped, but often the edits came quite severely. In the case of “Ride ‘Em Cowboy,” that movie was roughly 90 minutes long when it played on the big screen but it became less than 10 minutes for the home screen release of “No Indians Please!”
As for the silent aspect of “No Indians Please!”, many home movie projectors were only able to show silent films – and by that, I mean purely silent films, without even a tinny piano soundtrack that some people associate with the titles of the pre-talkies era. Of course, it was cheaper to release films without sound and to sell projectors that didn’t have a sound element. Incredibly, people didn’t complain and for years those types of films and projectors were popular.
In this case, “No Indians Please!” slices and dices scenes from “Ride ‘Em Cowboy” that finds Abbott and Costello getting off a train in a Western town. Costello has some very fancy Western-style pants while the other men exiting the train are without pants – Costello won them while gambling with his fellow passengers on the ride.
The pair arrive in the town of Gower Gulch and are met by local Indians. Costello is terrified by their presence, but one Indian tells him (via an intertitle in this silent presentation), “Try my famous spring water.” The men walk into a general store and Costello buys a jug, uncorks it, and the contents shoot into his face. He then takes an arrow and shoots it out of the store – don’t ask why, that isn’t explained – and it lands on a painted heart on a teepee. According to Indian custom, whoever shoots an arrow into the heart must marry the single young woman within the structure. In this case, it is a large and unattractive woman.
Abbott and Costello beat a hasty retreat to a conveniently parked convertible and drive off, with Indian warriors on horseback giving chase. The bulk of the film involves the wild chase, which includes some gasp-inducing stunt driving, some too-obvious rear projection effects that are supposed to give the impression that Abbott and Costello are really driving the car, and some wonderfully silly gags including a bear (obviously a man in a costume) taking over as the driver.
The final minute of the film is the start of a dream sequence with Costello going to Dr. Ha Ha’s Sanitarium to seek help because he keeps dreaming of Indians. Dr. Ha He (played by Abbott) initially is in surgical gear, but when he removes his cap and mask it is revealed he is an Indian. In “Ride ‘Em Cowboy,” this was the beginning of a Wild West version of the burlesque skit “Crazy House,” but in “No Indians Please!” the film abruptly stops with Costello aghast that Dr. Ha Ha is an Indian.
Even with the lack of a soundtrack, one can view “No Indians Please!” and almost hear the original film – Abbott’s gravelly and always exasperated voice, Costello’s anxious bellowing and frightened yelps, the anvil-subtle music of the chase sequence and the appropriately wacky sound effects that punctuated the whole zany endeavor.
“No Indians Please!” was released by Castle Films, which by this time was a subsidiary of Universal Pictures, hence the Abbott and Costello connection. While “No Indians Please!” fell into the public domain, the “Ride ‘Em Cowboy” material is still very much under copyright protection. Nonetheless, collectors who obtained rare prints of “No Indians Please!” uploaded them to YouTube – here is one of those postings for your viewing pleasure:
IMPORTANT NOTICE: While this weekly column acknowledges the presence of rare film and television productions through the so-called collector-to-collector market, this should not be seen as encouraging or condoning the unauthorized duplication and distribution of copyright-protected material, either through DVDs or Blu-ray discs or through postings on Internet video sites.
Listen to Phil Hall’s award-winning podcast “The Online Movie Show with Phil Hall” on SoundCloud and his radio show “Nutmeg Chatter” on WAPJ-FM in Torrington, Connecticut, with a new episode every Sunday. You can also follow his book reviews at The Epoch Times.