Category Archives: Bad Movie Monday

Bad Movie Monday: Attack of the Killer Tomatoes (1978)

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It’s kind of weird that I hadn’t reviewed Attack of the Killer Tomatoes yet since it was more or less my introduction to bad movies. I remember being about ten years old and hearing whispers about it on the playground. Kids would talk about having watched this movie with the same kind of eerie somber tone reserved for describing how they saw the ghost of a dead grandparent standing at their bedroom door. “You won’t believe what I saw last night, but…”

So, how does it hold up nearly forty years later? Well, let’s find out!
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Bad Movie Monday: Silent Night, Deadly Night 4: Initiation

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Well, it’s that time of the year again and we all know what this means! It means a bunch of obnoxious songs screaming at you to buy luxury items, malls packed full of depraved people ready to knock old ladies down in order to get the last Xbox, demented family members coming to visit and eat all your food while terrible movies play on a constant loop as if they’re pagan drumbeats that you can’t escape. Luckily, I’ve immunized myself against the last one by watching trash every Monday for the last four years. So let’s talk about that by reviewing today’s movie Silent Night, Deadly Night 4: Initiation.

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Bad Movie Monday: Burial Ground (1981)

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Not everyone is like me, a movie masochist who willingly seeks out the absolute worst that cinema has to offer. Some of you might enjoy a little bad acting or some ridiculous plot twists, but you don’t want to feel like the movie mugged you in a dark alley and then kicked you in the groin for good measure. The desire for a film to NOT cause your mind to snap is something I can totally empathize with. You want fun, not pain. I understand perfectly. So today’s Bad Movie Monday suggestion is going to be a mostly fun one. And so I present to you Burial Ground.

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BAD MOVIE MONDAY: KILLDOZER! (1974)

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Once upon a time, when Hollywood still had a smattering of original ideas bouncing around its empty little head, there was something called THE ABC MOVIE OF THE WEEK. If you don’t know what that is, probably because you’re under the age of sixty, it was this loose anthology series comprised of Made-for-TV movies that ran from 1969 to 1975 on the ABC network. It wasn’t always thrillers and horror and sci-fi flicks, but it was often thrillers and horror and sci-fi flicks. Often enough where you could say that these movies had a loose spiritual connection to The Twilight Zone or Night Gallery. Probably the most famous film that came out of it was Duel, starring Dennis Weaver and directed by Steven Spielberg. That one, which I’m sure you’ve heard of, is an excellent tightly woven thriller and a masterclass in how to build tension. It’s in my top five favourite Spielberg films actually. So of course I won’t be reviewing that one. Instead, I’ll be reviewing KILLDOZER!

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BAD MOVIE MONDAY: CRUEL JAWS (1995)

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On today’s BAD MOVIE MONDAY review we’re going to tackle another Bruno Mattei joint. This time a Jaws rip-off called, appropriately enough, Cruel Jaws. Don’t worry though because it’s also known as Jaws 5 in some markets. Mattei didn’t get all soft on us in the 90s. He was still trying to sucker people into watching his fake sequels right up until the grunge era.

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BAD MOVIE MONDAY: SHOCKING DARK (1989)

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With the whole world of art on the very brink of an Armageddon caused by the glorified plagiarism software that is A.I. I thought I’d lighten the mood a bit and write a review of a thirty-five year old Italian exploitation movie that didn’t need a complicated algorithm to plagiarize a James Cameron movie. It did it manually. Tubi calls it Shocking Dark, which is also the name of the film’s 2018 North American Blu-ray release, but its official and original title in Italy was Terminator II. It was called that because, in typical confusing Italian movie fashion, it was ripping off Aliens. I guess the producers were trying to pull the old switcheroo on us by pretending to have made a crappy pseudo-sequel to one James Cameron film so we wouldn’t notice that they were actually stealing from a completely different James Cameron film. Didn’t work. Anyway, let’s review this particularly nutty turd directed by the legendary Bruno Mattei.

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Bad Movie Monday: Bikini Med School (1994)

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Remember that scene in Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure when Pee-Wee hitches a ride with this sinister lady trucker called Large Marge, who then proceeds to tell him at great length about a terrible car crash that she witnessed? Remember how she ends her story by scaring the bejeezus out of the audience with the greatest claymation jump scare of all time and then going “Yes Sir, that was the worst accident I ever seen.” before dropping Pee-Wee off at his destination? Well, after watching BIKINI MED SCHOOL, I kind of feel like that lady. So, grab your bindle and sit in the passenger seat, because it was on a night just like tonight that I saw the worst movie I ever seen…

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