Bad Movie Monday: Zardoz (1974)

John Boorman’s oft-maligned film Zardoz celebrated it’s 50th anniversary on February 6th. Which made me curious to reread what I’d said about it in my review for Cinema-Crazed. I have this terrible memory you see, and I just couldn’t quite remember anything specific that I wrote, but I was absolutely 100% sure I must have written something interesting. So, I began to do a search on the site and, after finding nothing, I double and then triple and then quadruple checked. Nothing. It was then that I realized to my utter dismay and embarrassment that Mr. Dumbass (That’s me!) had never written a review. I had thought about it, bounced ideas in my head, had long debates with myself, but I never actually, you know… WROTE THE GOD DAMN THING. Today, that’s going to change.

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BAD MOVIE MONDAY: A BOY AND HIS DOG (1975)

It’s a bit of a misconception about me to say that I hate modern movies and have a particular loathing reserved towards the superhero genre. I do not. Well, not exactly anyway. What has happened is that I’ve grown extremely weary of films that are written in this very mundane “Screenwriting 101” style. Almost every movie made these days is about a hero’s journey or a redemption arc or some sort of variation on a theme outlined in SAVE THE CAT! Which is a book about screenwriting that Hollywood seems to treat like it’s the Holy Bible of Cinema.

This is why I really respect a movie like A BOY AND HIS DOG. If nothing else, it’s definitely not formulaic.

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BAD MOVIE MONDAY: DEVIL’S EXPRESS (1976)

My first review of the year is for, appropriately enough, the very first movie that I saw in 2024. New Year’s Day happened to be on a Monday and that’s obviously when BAD MOVIE MONDAY is held. So me and my friends started the year off right. DEVIL’S EXPRESS is a 1976 Horror/Kung Fu/Blaxploitation movie starring the majestically named Warhawk Tanzania, along with Larry Fleischman, Wilfredo Roldan. Stephen DeFazio, Elsie Roman, Moses Lyllia, and Brother Theodore! It was directed by Barry Rosen, and written by Rosen, Nikki Patton, and Pascual Vaquer.

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BAD MOVIE MONDAY: SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT 3: BETTER WATCH OUT!

Today on BAD MOVIE MONDAY, Santa Jeremy is going to review one of the most dreaded of all Christmas films. SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT 3: BETTER WATCH OUT! So put on the socks your grandma gave you and hold on tight! This may be a rough ride. Ho-Ho-Ho!!!
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BAD MOVIE MONDAY: THE GREASY STRANGLER (2016)

Can a movie make a conscious effort to be bad and still have the same mystical magical qualities of an unintentionally bad movie? From my own personal experience, the answer to that question tends to be a loud resounding NO. The Sharknado series is a prime example of this. While the films may have their hearts in the right place, and everyone involved is doing their best, you just can’t fake the true spark of mad stupid inspiration. For example, imagine the difference between someone who’s pretending to trip down the stairs and someone actually tripping down the stairs. It doesn’t look the same. It doesn’t feel the same. It certainly doesn’t elicit the same response from an observer. If that’s too intellectual for you, let me put it another way: Trying to make a bad movie on purpose is like trying to take a crap when you don’t have to go. I mean, you’re gonna get a tiny little bit of shit, but it’s not going to be very impressive.

Which brings us to today’s review. A little movie called THE GREASY STRANGLER.

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BAD MOVIE MONDAY: SUPERMEN DÖNÜYOR (1979)

Did you know they made a Turkish Superman??? Oh yes they did! SUPERMEN DÖNÜYOR (The Return of Superman) is a 1979 superhero movie starring Tayfun Demir, Güngör Bayrak, Yildirim Gencer, and Esref Kolçak. It was directed Kunt Tulgar, and yes that name made me smile. This film is, in my opinion, the perfect palate cleanser to all that depressing negativity surrounding modern superhero movies. I may not personally be a big fan of the genre, but I hate seeing people fight, and so I wrote this as a way to bring something positive to the discussion. I had originally included a bit of a rant about how people who watch this sort of stuff should watch different kinds of movies, but you know what? You all do you. It’s not my place to tell you how to live your lives. Maybe I’ll write something about this later, but just enjoy this review for now.

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BAD MOVIE MONDAY: AMITYVILLE 3-D (1983)

It’s almost impossible to explain to the “kids” today what the short lived but intense fascination that studios had with 3D back in the eighties was all about. Because I was there at the time and I still don’t know what it was all about. If you’re not hip to eighties stuff, let me explain. Between 1981 and 1983 there were around a dozen movies shot in 3D. Among those released were: Coming at Ya, Parasite, Spacehunter: Adventures in the Forbidden Zone, Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared-Syn. Jaws 3D, Friday The 13th Part 3 in 3D, along with today’s film Amityville 3D. Truth be told, it all seemed like a pointless waste of money.

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