Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Dead (2024)

Now Streaming on BET+.

1991’s “Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Dead” is one of my favorite 90’s films. It’s also a painfully underrated comedy that, despite being marketed as a dark comedy, is actually a charming, fun coming of age teen comedy in the vein of “Working Girl.” Wade Allain-Marcus’ remake is shockingly not a bad movie at all, either, it’s just completely unnecessary. I don’t think anyone was begging for a remake of “Don’t Tell Mom…” when all was said and done. But lo and behold we got one, and I’m still not sure who this movie is aimed towards.

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The Strangers Chapter 1 (2024)

2008’s “The Strangers” was simple. It (and its painfully underrated sequel) was effective because it was simple. It relied on psychological torment where the strangers felt like perversely intrusive predators preying on a couple already in turmoil. When they arrive there’s the collective “What else can happen to us?” that we feel emanate through Liv Tyler and Scott Speedman’s characters. With “The Strangers: Chapter 1” all of that nihilism, that sheer sense of pure evil preying on the vulnerable is lost in favor of what is pretty much just a lazy remake of Bryan Bertino’s original film.

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Ocean’s Trilogy [4K Ultra HD/Digital]

Since it’s been about a year since we’ve seen the “Ocean’s Trilogy” released on physical format, Warner unleashes the trilogy of crime thrillers once again for physical media collectors. Yes, this time the individual movies from the “Ocean’s series was released in individual Steelbooks and a pair of specially packaged movies for the hardcore base of these trilogy of crime drama comedies. Oddly missing from the whole shebang is the original Frank Sinatra “Ocean’s Eleven,” as well as the abysmal female led “Ocean’s 8.” Maybe someday the fans will get a complete, ultimate edition with the whole series for their library, but for now this covers the basic trio of movies that gave us back the ensemble vanity project.

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The Departed (2006): Limited Edition Steelbook [4K UHD/Digital]

In Stores April 23rd from Warner Bros.

I do not make it a secret that I don’t like “The Departed.” I never have liked it. I think one of the main reasons why I dislike it so much is that I had seen Andrew Lau and Alan Mak’s 2004 original much earlier and was surprised with how cerebral. “Infernal Affairs” was about betrayal, and loss of identity, and completely losing not only who we once were, but our own morality code. It’s shocking to me to know that “The Departed” is not only so infinitely dumbed down from its source material, but that Scorsese is capable of so much better than what he offers us.

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Road House (2024)

Now Streaming on Amazon Prime Video.

After years and years of talking about it, Hollywood finally pulled the trigger on a remake of iconic Patrick Swayze 1989 cult ciassic. The once Southern fried martial arts film about a brotherhood of bar bouncers is taken on by director Doug Liman who tries his best to help his version stand on its own two feet. While original star Patrick Swayze sadly died years ago, there are no appearances from other former stars. That’s okay, because on its own, “Road House” 2024” is a damn good time. It’s overlong, but it’s a lot of fun and has a good sense of humor about itself. In a (so far) lackluster movie year, that’s all I need.

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The Ring Collection [4K Ultra HD/Blu-Ray]

Available March 19th from Scream Factory.

In the age of analog horror and ARG’s, Hideo Nakata was so far ahead of his time, that it’s horrifying. His 1998 horror film “Ring” is a concept that, if realized today, would have probably been a hit series on Youtube. A cursed VHS tape featuring a dreaded short film with supernatural powers, a powerful demon sleeping within it, calling up those that view it, and giving them seven days to live. On the seventh day when the user fails to cut the curse or pass it on to someone else, they’re visited by an unfathomable terror. It’s the formula for a great horror film that sparked the huge J Horror boom of the early aughts that spawned a slew of Japanese Horror Films to either be imported to America, or remade in to hits in their own right.

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Attack of the 50 Foot CamGirl (2022)

Streaming on Tubi TV, and Amazon Prime Video.

It’s become almost a tradition for some filmmaker to remake Nathan Juran’s 1958 schlock monster movie. Pretty much every four or five years a new variation of the formula pops up with a studio inserting some kind of entity. Now that CamGirl’s are still a thing and much more relevant, Jim Wynorski brings us the Attack of a 50 Foot CamGirl. It’s the bare minimum in the scope of attempted cult filmmaking; your mileage may vary depending on what you’re willing to endure when it comes to seeing busty blonde fifty feet women.

I’m looking at you, Macrophiliacs.

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