“I Know What You Did Last Homecoming” is the more apt description for “Sorority Row.” It’s a slick horror movie made in 2009 that feels like it was dropped right out of 1998 and I mean that mostly as a compliment. As someone that’s had almost no faith in horror movies centered primarily on nepo babies and flavors of the week, Stewart Hendler’s “Sorority Row” is a shockingly good and entertaining slasher and whodunit that, while not the most thematically faithful remake, still manages to carve out its own niche in the massive library of remakes accrued in the early aughts.
Tag Archives: Revenge
The Crow (2024)
I’ve heard of this certain technique Hollywood usually uses as a means of pulling a fast sequel; it’s by taking a script with a similar concept to an already established IP and turning it in to a sequel. “The Crow” feels a lot like that. It feels like a simultaneous cash grab, exploitation of the art of James O’Barr, and downright lazy attempt to maintain the license for “The Crow.” At thirty minutes in, I wondered if at any point anyone on this movie were even trying. At all. This is a non-move. It’s a movie without a presence, or any kind of a soul, or any kind of self awareness. “The Crow’s” only purpose is to gentrify what should have and could have been a touching, eerie, and heartbreaking movie.
When Titans Ruled The Earth: Clash of the Titans & Wrath of the Titans – Limited Edition [Blu-Ray]
1981’s Desmond Davis-Ray Harryhausen classic was a hard act to follow and sadly Louis LeTerrier tries to topple that bar opting for a remake that’s pretty much all style with none of the awe or amazement of the original film. Louis LeTerrier’s remake is dripping with early aughts ephemera with dark and grimy set pieces, a self serious script, and a part of the movie that would become the internet meme of the year. That snippet of dialogue would be “Release the Kraken!”
Jaws: The Revenge (1987)
I’ve never liked “Jaws: The Revenge.” Even as a kid who would watch anything that was on TV, I would often doze off during “The Revenge.” And that’s saying a lot since the movie technically has killer sharks in it. I’m glad I’m not in the minority as “The Revenge” has ranked up there with embarrassing sequels like “Staying Alive” and “The Exorcist II” and for good reason. “The Revenge” is a further slap in the face of the 1975 film, first killing off one of Brody’s children to a—ahem—vengeful shark. And then we later come to learn that Martin Brody has also died off screen from a massive heart attack. So that’s it? Brody gets a cheap off screen death, and the shark gets a very goofy movie serial revenge arc. Got it.
Up on the Housetop (2024) [Chattanooga Film Festival 2024]
Funsize Epics Vol. 2 Shorts Block
Director/Writers Dakota Millett, and Michael Fischer’s horror comedy is a short begging to be made in to a feature film. It’s probably not a coincidence that “Up on the Housetop” feels a lot like a proof of concept short rather than actual short film. I honestly don’t begrudge them for that, because both creators have their fingers on the pulse of what they’re trying to accomplish and what they do accomplish in this short format.
Consumer (2023) [Chattanooga Film Festival 2024]
So Long and Thanks for All the Dangerous Visions Shorts Block
I wish we could have gotten a longer format version of “Consumer,” as Matthew Fisher’s horror tale is ripe for feature film potential. “Consumer” watches like a segment from “Creepshow” even packing in a wonderful synthesized score by Bethany Farnsworth, respectively. I loved the low tech, mid-eighties revenge tale that director Fisher creates, as it’s old fashioned enough, but never feels dated, or dull.
It works well within its short run time and offers some scary ambiguity in the end.
ClearMind (2024)
Now Streaming on Amazon Prime Video and Tubi TV.
Aw hell, I’m always complaining about wanting to see something new and Rebecca Eskreis’ “ClearMind” is something new. It’s such a mixing of genres that it eventually comes out of the other end as this unusual amalgam that’s hard to peg down. I dare you to peg this in one hole. It’s a dramatic science fiction situation comedy about grief that follows a woman who uses virtual reality to become a slasher. There are shades of horror, and satire about new age medicine and the quackery of nonsense like Goop et al. It’s so far and away amorphous that it’s tough to hate it.