“The Dark Tower” spends ninety minutes telling a story while doing almost nothing but dumping exposition on the audience. And yet, when the movie was over I knew as little about this world coming out than I did going in to it. With films like “Lord of the Rings,” and “Star Wars,” the creators manage to disseminate information and world build while also giving audiences an experience. “The Dark Tower” feels so under-developed and poorly developed, almost feeling like a truncated idea of what kind of movie series “The Dark Tower” was intended to be. I still don’t know what the Dark Tower is. I still don’t know who Roland Deschain is.
Tag Archives: Science Fiction
Jackpot! (2024)
Now Available for Streaming on Amazon Prime.
Paul Feig’s “Jackpot!” is that horrible, malt-o-meal garbage movie meant mainly to be as edgy as possible without ever really intending to offend anyone. It disguises itself as social satire when really in the end it has zero to say. It’s just a flaccid hundred minutes drag through nonsense and emptiness. No one at any point in this movie seems to be mentally present, including John Cena who often looks a lot more like a walking action figure than anything else. With Feig’s premise you just assume you’d be in the market for a blood soaked science fiction film. At the very least, you’d expect a darkly comic if mean movie about greed and the way the economy has driven in to rabid dogs.
It’s actually a vanilla coming of age story with a premise that’s gradually pushed in to the background over the course of the narrative.
The Five Best Films I Saw in 1999
1999 was such a formative year for many. I was sixteen and experiencing new hobbies, and learning to love movies. And the internet was still in its infancy, transforming in to a fascinating but still mysterious technology. 1999 had much to offer in the way of the film world with studios releasing so many interesting and great films. With the 25 year marked in 2024, I spotlighted five of the best films I saw in 1999.
Deadpool and Wolverine (2024)
Now Exclusively in Theaters.
“Deadpool and Wolverine” is that example of what happens when young boys take their action figures and spend hours just smashing them in to one another. There’s not much of a narrative, but there are appearances from other action figures, and maybe even a transformer or two. That’s what watching “Deadpool and Wolverine” was like—and I’m still not sure if that is a compliment or criticism. For all intents and purposes “Deadpool and Wolverine” is fun, and Shawn Levy seems to have a good time satirizing Marvel Studios as well as the scope of comic book movies. But through it all, there’s a very low stakes, and pretty overcooked movie that painfully overstays its welcome.
Sting (2024)
On Blu-ray & DVD July 30 from Well Go USA
12-year-old Charlotte finds and raises a spider that grows at an incredible rate. Soon, people in her building die in mysterious ways, something Charlotte needs to face and deal with before her family becomes the next victims.
Phantoms (1998) [4K UHD]
Now Available from Shout! Factory. The Novel is Also Available.
Believe it or not, in 1998 Ben Affleck wasn’t the biggest star in the world. He was still coming down from being pigeonholed as the “villain” actor, and was working to transition from supporting actor to leading man status. With “Phantoms” he is basically paying his dues for what is a pretty standard horror thriller. Affleck is very good in the role as a local sheriff whose ill fitted cowboy hat is almost a character in and of itself. Like the hat, “Phantoms” is a silly vehicle for a collective of pretty great up and comers including Nicky Katt, Liev Schreiber and Rose McGowan to name a few. There’s also the wildcard veteran a la Peter O’Toole for good measure.
Jaws 3D (1983)
With all that we now know about marine parks, Joe Alves’ “Jaws 3” isn’t just a terrible film, but it’s also one filled with awful undertones. The cast of “rah rah America actors with white teeth spend the majority of the mostly dull “Jaws 3D” obliviously trying to turn the newest discovery of a massive great white in to a new attraction. Meanwhile the writers and producer seem to turn “Jaws 3D” in to an almost pitch video for the Jaws ride in Universal. After “Black Fish” in 2013 we learned so much the heinous treatment of these poor animals, and how there are aren’t any real winners or losers.
There is just a mangled shark, imprisoned dolphins, and loyal scuba expert Matthew.