{"id":18969,"date":"2016-02-01T00:15:19","date_gmt":"2016-02-01T05:15:19","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/cinema-crazed.com\/blog\/?p=18969"},"modified":"2016-01-29T07:38:43","modified_gmt":"2016-01-29T12:38:43","slug":"teen-witch-1989","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.cinema-crazed.com\/blog\/2016\/02\/01\/teen-witch-1989\/","title":{"rendered":"Teen Witch (1989)"},"content":{"rendered":"

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\u201cTeen Witch\u201d is one of the last relics of the eighties that isn\u2019t just a fantasy for teen girls based around the joy of superficiality and empty popularity, but something of a cheesy comedy that absolutely embraces its idiocy time and time again. The unapologetic cheesiness and truly awful values of \u201cTeen Witch\u201d is often so bad, and yet so damn charming to endure. You almost have to admire it for building up to an anti-climax that boasts about how great it is to have the guy of your dreams, even if he\u2019s as deep as a Koi pond. Dorian Walker\u2019s film also dares to embrace the hip hop genre with a trio of young white men from the suburbs. Thank goodness for Larry Weir.<\/p>\n

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Before Sabrina made her debut on the big screen, there was Louise, a red haired hopeless romantic who is told by master witch Zelda Rubenstein that she is to develop the powers of a witch on her sixteenth birthday. Louise just began attending her new high school and struggles to find her place among the popular crowd, which includes a shallow alpha female, a trio of aggressive white rappers, and an English teacher whose discipline methods border on cruel and often abusive. What\u2019s a girl to do but use magic both of the black and white variety to accomplish every personal goal she has, as well as learn something about herself in the process?<\/p>\n

\u201cTeen Witch\u201d delivers consistently surreal comedy that doubles as good old fashioned innocent fun, like Louise\u2019s weird little brother who loves to eat, as well as Louise\u2019s eventual creation of a voodoo doll she uses to get back at her mean English teacher. This payback involves him stripping nude in front of his class, and walking through a car wash. Director Dorian Walker also tries to work \u201cTeen Witch\u201d as a legitimate musical and fails quite humorously. For unsuspecting folks, it must be quite a sight when they realize that \u201cTeen Witch\u201d isn\u2019t just dead set on being a musical, but manages to deliver some really clunky musical numbers in the process.<\/p>\n

The performers can barely lip synch, and the dance numbers are poorly staged. It also doesn\u2019t help that the songs barely register as catchy with a locker room number called \u201cI Like Boys,\u201d and Louise\u2019s friend Polly having a rap battle with three of the most white bread rappers in history on a street corner to the tune of \u201cTop That!\u201d While I poke fun at \u201cTeen Witch,\u201d it\u2019s a cult classic that earns its place in the arena mainly for being such an oddity and unusual amalgam of comedy, fantasy, coming of age, and musical. And it\u2019s tough to hate on Robin Lively who is absolutely adorable as protagonist Louise, who spends most of the movie spewing charm without even trying. She\u2019s well cast, and it\u2019s too bad the movie never took off with a follow-up.<\/p>\n

Sure the moral of \u201cTeen Witch\u201d is terrible, but I think the world is ready for a sequel to \u201cTop That!\u201d<\/p>\n