{"id":25683,"date":"2017-07-14T04:29:40","date_gmt":"2017-07-14T08:29:40","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/cinema-crazed.com\/blog\/?p=25683"},"modified":"2020-07-29T11:10:37","modified_gmt":"2020-07-29T15:10:37","slug":"suspiria-the-exorcist-ii-and-story-fantasia-international-film-festival-2017","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.cinema-crazed.com\/blog\/2017\/07\/14\/suspiria-the-exorcist-ii-and-story-fantasia-international-film-festival-2017\/","title":{"rendered":"Suspiria, The Exorcist II, and Story [Fantasia International Film Festival 2017]"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>There\u2019s been talk of remaking Suspiria for years. So much so that a lot of what I\u2019m going to mention here are thoughts that have been bouncing around in my head for over a decade. The latest attempt at a remake, and the one most likely to happen, is supposed to star Dakota Johnson and Tilda Swinton, have music by Thom Yorke, and be directed by Luca Guadagnino. All of whom are above average artists in their respective fields. So I wish this attempt well and I genuinely hope it succeeds.<\/p>\n

At the same time, I think it\u2019ll fail.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Firstly, if there\u2019s one thing I\u2019ve learned in my time as a film critic it\u2019s that what looks like absolute dynamite on paper can turn out to be a total bomb on the screen. Just look at a movie like Exorcist II: The Heretic <\/a>\u2013 which coincidentally came out the same year as the original Suspiria. It was directed by John Boorman, who\u2019d just come off of making Deliverance, which I\u2019d argue to the death is one of the world\u2019s great existential horror movies. So giving him the Exorcist sequel was an obvious natural choice. It starred Louise Fletcher, Richard Burton, James Earl Jones, Ned Beatty, along with returning Max Von Sydow. All of whom were (and still are) incredible actors. Hell, even Linda Blair was considered a quite good child actress at the time. It was scored by Ennio Morricone… and if I really have to tell you who THAT is then why are you reading this? Educate yourself my boy! Anyway, the point is that all this talent was behind one of the worst sequels, and worst movies, of all time. So credentials, no matter how amazing they are, can\u2019t save a movie. Movies aren\u2019t good in theory and on paper. They\u2019re only good on the screen.<\/p>\n

Secondly, if you take a long honest look at Suspiria it\u2019s kind of a terrible movie. No, really\u2026 No\u2026 Please\u2026 Please\u2026 Please stop writing angry replies. Look, I realize I\u2019ve just taken a giant dump on a beloved classic, but the fact remains that the basic overall \u201cstructure\u201d of Suspiria is just Satan\u2019s School for Girls set at a dance academy with 100% less Satanists. So, literally, Suspiria has almost zero originality when it comes to plot and story. I mean, what even is<\/strong><\/em> the story? A girl arrives at dance academy in Germany, witnesses another girl running away, the other girl gets *SPOILERS*<\/strong>, and the *SPOILERS*<\/strong> at the dance academy want to *SPOILERS*<\/strong> the first girl for some reason even though she doesn\u2019t know anything about them. Then there\u2019s maggot rain, drugged wine, false teeth, a razor wire room, secrets, fire<\/strong><\/em>, and then the end. All very basic horror 101 stuff about a person arriving at a new place, seeing weirder and weirder stuff, feeling threatened, and then eventually either destroying or being destroyed by the evil. The story, which is what the remake will ultimately retain from the original, is not that fucking great. It wasn\u2019t that great forty years ago and it didn\u2019t improve with age.<\/p>\n